how can i show real me inside to others?

[sara1983512]

am a 29 year old girl.I try to keep myself as good as i can like i try to not shout or show my anger.if i cry or shout i hide it from other people.if someone does bad to me i try to be more good to him instead of taking revenge or punishing him.I give him time to understand his mistake and i easilly forgive him or her.All in summary i understand everything and even i notice every small details in life that other people may not realize.some people call this as being too much sensitive person getting hurt easily by everything.however,i try to pretend to other people as if i am not sensitive so that they be comfortable with me and i can have close friends.but i can t pretend as numb and not sensitive anymore cause i hear most people call me as idiot,stupid or someone that doesn't understand whats good or bad.and even people hurt me more for sense of humor or jealousy.I get pressurized lots and i explode all at sudden in a way that i get blind and i attack them with my words or rarely body.the more i try to understand people the more i get hurt from them.so i dunno what to do cause after attacking them they think am totally crazy or insane and they stop keeping contact with me.I know i have difficulty showing my real emotions and expressing myself properly from first meeting and maybe its the reason why other people don't see real me inside and they don't take serious my words and my warning to them.i give u an example.my bf left me cause he thought am a ***** or jerk to let him be with other girls if he cant enjoy sex with me.he was shocked to see i am not jealous about him though i love him. He never could understand if i let him be with other girls is not cause i don't have feelings for him.its cause i love him lots and i cant see he suffers not having proper sex when he is with me or same again i couldn't show him if i let him freely look at other girls and i don't react just like am not jealous doesn't mean really i like he look at them.I love him lots that i don't believe in limiting my loved one or pressurizing him to be only with me when he desires to enjoy only via looking.every one even my parents know me exactly 180 degree different from real me inside.am going crazy cause i feel like everyone is blind to see my real feelings or identity inside.what can i do to show other people real me.I try to talk them and explain all but mostly they don't have time or mood even to listen to me.i wanna have some close friends to understand me and see actual me inside.i mean my real character.please help me.thanks

[sara1983512]

thax alot for your guide..am gonna meet my doktor and describe him your idea ...for sure gonna practice it..would be more than glad to hear more from you about this...

[Bubulous]

It sounds like you have a few behaviors that are challenging to understand and even harder to get out of once the become second nature.  It doesn't mean there is no hope, I promise.  Behaviors like passive-aggressive, codependent, and distorted thinking patterns.  You can only internalize so much.
I am sure you know what passive aggressive behavior is but you may not know what codependency is.  Codependency effects a wide variety of people in different ways.  Some of the signs of it are relying on other people for your emotions, making excuses for your significant others behavior, and trying to control behaviors or emotions of other people.  It is hard to tackle these behaviors all at once but I will give some exercises that might help.  Start being assertive.  That doesn't mean going off on someone. It means Using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.  
An example of a you statement is "you forgot to take the trash out again."  This could cause them to get defensive because perhaps they may not have meant to.  If you say "I am a little discouraged that you forgot to take the trash out again", you are more likely to get a response that like "oh I'm sorry", or "I can't believe I forgot it again, you know how forgetful I am" Instead of stating what they did wrong and talking to them like a child, state how what they did wrong effected you.
Anyway any cognitive behaviors that have become second nature to you are going to be hard to change it is a process especially if you don't get the  feedback that you want at first, just keep practicing it and look into cognitive behavior therapy.