Why my husband looses his erection during sex?

[worriedwife81]

My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. He just turned 47 and I am 46. We have I guess to say not had the best sex life.  In the beggining it was very nice. Then the kids started coming. We have 3 beautiful girls 26, 23 & 19. And we hardley ever had sex after they were born.  We were apart for 2 years ending 7 months ago. You see my husband was transfered and we decided I would stayed back home to let our youngest graduate high school there. So we only saw each ohter on the weekends. When I would come here it was wonderful. We were all alone. The sex was great. Then I moved here and the sex was off and on. More off than on again. So I decided that I wanted us back.  I Love my husband so much. And I know he loves me. The problem is he used to want sex all the time. He would raise to attention when I entered the bedroom. Well not any more. He does not seem interested even though we are alone. Now I have gained a few pounds.  I am not saying I am obese but I do need to loose about 15 pounds.  We both started going to a gym.  He needs to loose a few also. I also caught him watching porn one evening. He said someone sent it to him and he don't just watch it. So now I have the feeling he is just not sexually arroused by my body anymore becasue I don't look like the girls in the porn. He says he is but when I get into bed naked and lay on top of him kissing his neck and nothing happens he just says he is tired, then I can't beleive he is. I am not real sure about myself most of the time. I don't usually take charge like that. We talked about that and he says he likes it but most of the times I did he was not interested. So what am I to think. It does nothing for my self confidence at all. So I told him if he wants sex then he needs to let me know. I find myself just thinking of him and getting excited. So what is the problem. I think he only has sex with me most of the time becasue he senses I want to. Why can't he stay hard while we are having sex? I could see if we stopped but that is not the case, we can be in the middle of it. And just to add I am not one to just lay there. I help.  If I am giving him oral sex he is fine. And usually while he is giving me oral sex he is hard. But the last few times he is not. I mean if I start on him he does get hard.  Then we start having sex and after a bit he just goes soft. He does not ejaculate then go soft just goes soft. And then there are a few times that he can't ejaculate. So what am I to think? I am a horrible wife.  I can't even keep my husband interested during sex.  Please help.  Worriedwife

[EfeAngelal]

My name is angel.im a 47 year old woman.ive now been married to the same man  for 28 years.hes fifty two.my kids are all grown up.im writing this post cause I'm heart broken.it seems like every time we are alone in bed.my husband rushes to have sex.or he  cant hold an erection.he has an excuse for every thing.this morning I tryed climbing on top of him.well that was a disaster.his excuse was I don't think I'm in deep enough.or im getting a cramp in my leg.he makes me feel like im not good enough in bed.he rushes thru having sex.which doesn't please me at all.ive now gotten to the point where I don't care .i feel so hurt by what he's doing.hes even lost erection while I've performed oral.i really feel like I'm not good enough.or pretty enough.im not over wight I excercise every day .i do take care of my self.what should I do.i even started making him take a herbal sulpment called horny goat weed.thanks for listing

[worriedwife81]

I am so sorry you are going through this sad situation that we find ourselves in.  I don't have any answers for you.  Maybe it is because he is afraid to hurt the baby.  Maybe after your child is born he will change.  
Please start a new thread of your own because this is a very old one and I don't think many people answer on here anymore.  If you start your own you will get more advice and help.  You are in my prayers.  

[abjeffries1981]

I read your original post. My husband and I have been together for almost two years. He is 43 and I am 33. In the beginning we couldn't get enough of each other. He was always wanting me. He used to always text me and call me through out the day. That has all stopped. I am almost nine months pregnant with our son. I know he watches porn it's on his company phone and on our laptop at home, yet seems completely uninterested in me. I know I'm about 20 lbs. heavier than we when we first met but that's only because I'm carrying his child. I'm 5'7" tall and weigh about 110 lbs. normally. I work a full time job and contribute equally to the relationship when it comes to finances. I love him so much but he can't see that its hurting me. I've also noticed that he has wondering eyes when we together out in public as well. I am so confused. Please help....

[worriedwife81]

Littlelea79.  I am sorry I have no answer for you.  And this post is a very old one.  You may want to read all the advice but also start your own post.  That way you will get more attention.  I don't know how much attention gets anymore.  
Good luck.

[littlelea79]

I have a similar problem. I have only been married a couple of months and these last three weeks any thing i try with my husband he goes limp and can only get an erection when he masturbates which I am happy with him doing but just feel that our relationship is having big problems already. I have tried many different things and all that used to work and keep him erect like sucking and playing with him. We had this problem a year after we got together and then I found out he was cheating as he was seeing different women strangers from the internet which he finally admitted to but we got passed this and got married. I am so scared that it is happening again, I really believe that he isn't actually having sex with anyone but maybe sex texting or sex messaging and this is possible affecting our sex. I  have tried talking to him but we always end up arguing and he gets really defensive. Please help, some advice would be great

[THECZAR]

If your husband is in the habit of watching porn, then we already have the answer to your problem! He masturbates, it's just that simple. After he does THAT, how can he have some left for you? I'm sorry for you, and i think you should talk to him and tell him that THAT is very disrespectful toward you, looking at other women right in front of you. At least hide!