I cannot cope with losing my mom

[abby51]

My mom suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 weeks ago It has been a horrible couple of weeks. I am extremely worried about my dad and how he will cope. He keeps saying he is ok but I know better than that because we are having the worst days of out lives. We have a great support system of friends, however, all I want is my mom to be back. She had not been ill and stopped talking and just died. I never expected to be so young (I am a college student) and going through this. I know it is not easy at any age but I just though we would have more time. People have told me I need to learn to work through the pain but I do not think that can be done. The funeal arrangements and the funeral itself were very overwhelming...almost 350 people were at the funeral...and I know all those people were there for support but very few of them understand the pain we are feeling of losing my mom so suddenly and unexpected.

[Judy246]

I know what I am talking about, because I am living it. My advise comes from  the depts of my heart and soul and my painful journey of having my mother die in my arms. I would give my very life if I could bring her back, but I'm not God. We have to unfortunately, accept what we can't change and adjust to what life has put before us that we have absolutely no control over. You feel totally helpless and that a terrible feeling that there is absolutely nothing you can do. God bless! Judy

[abby51]

Newport, I am also sorry you have to go through this. I also wonder why so soon? Why not more time but would it be any easier then than it is now? No, it would not be but I cannot help why wondering why now and why so soon. My mom is also the first person I have been close to in which I can fully comprehend the loss, and the closest person to me in which I have ever lost.

It does help to go get advice and hear from other people who have been through it because it is a painful adjustment. Losing any person we are that close to is such a life changing experience and losing a parent means losing someone in which we have never before experienced life without them before.

I know my family will get through this because we still have each other. One of the first things my dad said to us is we will get through this together.

[caz62]

I also lost my mum very suddenly July last year she was only 49 when she died she was very healthy and fit and it came as a shock to everyone. Me and my 2 sisters have been there for my dad visiting every day and making sure he is eating. It will be really tough and you will have really bad days which is understandable.My dad can be snappy some days but this is just grief it doesn't happen much now but keep in mind your dad may not be able to have a brave face all the time.

It may not seem like it the now but you will get through this it may take a while but take one day at a time and talk, try not to bottle things up.

I'm here if you need someone to speak too.  

[Lou133]

I lost my Mom very suddenly on the 3 June 2009.  It was very unexpected, she took ill in the middle of the night and went into hospital first thing in the morning, my Dad phoned me to say that she was ill and that we should pray, but she would be OK.  She passed at about 11am after multiple heart attacks.  I only managed to get a flight over in the middle of the night.

I thought that I was alright and the shock was wearing off and I was getting a bit more used to the idea of life without her.  But suddenly since yesterday I can't stop crying and am struggling so much. I was so close to her and used to speak to her nearly everyday on the phone, because we live so far apart. It's been almost a year since I last saw her.  The hardest part was that I spoke to her a couple of days before she passed and she was so happy.  She was only 54 and she was my best friend.

It's my 30th birthday in two days and I just don't even want to go there or even think about it, but I have to for my husband and children's sake.  I know that it's one day at a time, but at the moment I'm hardly even making it through a day and I have 3 small children to look after.  I haven't slept for nearly two weeks because I'm waking up every half an hour to an hour and that's not even because of the kids.  I've had a splitting headache for two days now and I feel like my world is falling apart.

This is the hardest thing I've ever faced.

[abby51]

I lost my mom in May and at this time I am not sure if it will get easier. My mom went to the ER was told nothing was wrong but then suddenly died. She died 4-5 hours after arriving at the ER. Even the doctors were shocked because it was so unexpected.

I come home sometimes and just sit on the couch and cry because this should not have happened to my mom, not at such a young age when she was so happy and had so much more to look forward to.

I also used to talk to my mom alost everyday...I really miss that so much.

SOmetimes I have to take things hour by hour, not even day by day.

[Lou133]

Thank you so much for your reply,  it feels good to know that I am not alone in this.

I guess it's all just going to take as long as it's going to take, as hard as that it.  It still feels so raw to talk about her.  My dad organised her funeral so quickly as well and I wish that he had taken a bit longer and let my brother and I be involved in planning it and everything, but I guess that was just what he needed to do.  It's left me reeling a bit as it all feels like it's coming into focus..

I really miss her and sometimes I just want to pick up the phone to tell her stuff that the kids have done or said, just to have a chat.  I miss that so much.

You right, it feels so unfair they were too young and it was just too sudden.  The only thing I know and that has brought me comfort in the last few weeks is that God knows the bigger picture and I know that I'll see her again.   I was chatting to my pastor's wife about it and she lost her brother very suddenly 7 years ago.  She says that she still has days where it still feels shocking and she misses him.  She still talks to him because she believes that he can hear her and for me that has really been helping.

It's been hard for me to talk to my dad because he is missing her so much and is so sad.  I feel terrible for him because his loss is so great.

Hour by hour and day by day sound like a pretty good plan to me right now.

God Bless