dealing with grief

[lisaob1]

its took me so long,i mean so long to cope and deal with the loss of my daughter..she was 4 when i lost her in 1996,its hard to believe it was so long ago...i never thought i would feel ok at one point..but now,i want to say to others who feel at a loss...keep strong..its ok to move on...i wish i done it years ago,but im here now...please,to everyone...loss is so so fricken hard..but its not the end of your life,it is the end of the one you love and cherish..but it happens to us all...life is for living...your loved ones would most definitley want you to be happy...life is too short...do whatever it takes..dont try to find ways to make it better...just be better....live life be happy xxx

[lisaob1]

hi tink..reading over  your post again..ye! it was those CAP words..they scared me lol x just trying to lighten the mood hun... but your right,as a mum,and only a mum feels that pain and only a mum knows the true meaning of the word heartbroken. i know that our friends and family and all closest to us feel the loss..i truely do,it is so hard for them also.. but what i meant was,it eventually leaves them..that pain and hurt,they dont get over it but they deal with it so so so much more than me,you..than a mother does!  but then what i found..my daughter left me 16 yrs ago next week..what i found was..all those who love me and care for me then began to worry about me..and they still do..you seem like you have such a loving family,i really do to...i love my friends and family,i feel quite lucky..but it took me such a long time to deal with losing my daughter..its still hard..i dont know how they put up with me to be honest lol..x but they there and helped me get through..just like  you will with the help of those around you...x pardon the french...its fricken ****..beyond belief..way beyond belief..but we not alone..keep strong huni...in my thoughts and prayers xxx

[TTinKKerBBell]

Hi lisaob1,
Of course You understand what I expressed - You are a Mother too!! Those close to me are very Sensitive, Caring to my feeling of loss - it's just that the loss isn't the SAME for others - hense my emphasis about Growing and Delivering our Babies - in the sense that They are a PIECE of us.  Actually, my Loved Ones give much Understanding to the "Mother" part, but my Son was a loss to Them also.  He was a Son to His Dad, He was a Brother to 2 other Siblings, He was a GrandSon, an Uncle, a Cousin.  SO - the loss is huge for EVERYONE - but I had a "different" role in His life, He had a "different" role in mine, as in  - Growing Him inside my body, giving Him Life and Nuturing Him as Mothers do.  I didn't feel You were being abrupt in Your answer to me but I do feel You're mistaken to sense anger - because of my capital words? if so, my caps aren't in - I use caps to empahasize my words.

Thank You for acknowledging my post,
and I'm sorry for Your loss, too
and I'm glad to know You have another Beautiful Daughter,  (I have 2 other Children as well, and I have 6 GrandChildren, so my Life is Good even as I still feel the Loss of my Son)
and in my Heart I Truely Wish You All The Best, Too.
Regards,
Tink

[lisaob1]

i..with all my heart truely believe everything u have said in your post..i still figtht every single day to get through it without my little girl..and also although i am a total stranger to you..i know that i understand more than any person you know,even those closest to you,know how your feeling more than anyone...i wont lie to you..i have battled and battled..and your right..the hurt doesnt fade with time..and i honestly dont know what to say to you without sounding cliche either..all i can tell you is my own experience..every person is different... its been almost 16 yrs since i lost my 4 yr old daughter..i always had a plan for life when i was young..as everybody does...never thought for one minute my life would turn out the way it did...my daughter now has the same genetic syndrome..she is 18 and amazing..she beautiful inside and out and im so proud of her..she was just 2 when her eldest sister passed...enough about that though..right now anyway...But god hun..i know your pain and what your going through...i was young and stubborn..i was 22 when i lost my eldest..i never excepted help off anyone..prob still dont.i just talk a lot...but your right..the pain does grow..it grew an consumed me..it never leaves you..23 aug i lost my baby 16 yrs ago and i cant remember a few weeks ago but i remember everything around the time she left me....sorry to be so abrupt..but you need to get the anger out..i can feel it in your post..its not time is a healer..although time just helps you for forget..not the person..the times...my regret is that i didnt accept help...i thought i was the only person going through such a horrific time..what i didnt ever realise was the people who loved me where seeing me....go through a horrific time....im so sorry if i have gone on and for such a long post...in my heart i truely wish you all the very best xxx

[TTinKKerBBell]

I too lost my Son.  All our lives we hear that "time heals all wounds" and I do agree on all OTHER aspects - but NOT the loss of my Son.  It's been 4 years and 7 months since my Son died and it doesn't get easier, fact is - it gets harder.  I've come to realize that the "loss" of a Child does not "fade" with time, the loss GROWS with time.  Each year I cannot fathom that it's been another year that He's gone.  I've lost other Family members in which the grief felt unbearable at the time but the pain eventually faded - but NOT THIS!!  THIS IS DIFFERENT!!  Our Children truely are part of us, we GROW Them within us, we Deliver Them, They're not like anyone else - They are a PIECE of us.  The only thing harder would be to lose more than one Child, and/or GrandChildren.  My heart is touched for all of You who have lost a Child and You Mammo for Your GrandChild as well.

[lovingdaughter17]

As the mother of three children I cannot begin to imagine the heartache and loss.  I know that with the loss of other family members, it changes you somewhat.  I think that when you lose someone that you loved with all your heart there is a part of you  that goes with them and never returns.  You learn to go forward as a different you.  To have that be compounded by the loss being a child is simpy unfathomable to me.  So very very sorry!

[mammo]

I am so sorry for your loss.  There is no greater loss than that of our child and nothing is ever right with the world again.  I totally agree with you, there is a void inside that cannot be filled, an emptiness that serves as a constant reminder of who we are missing.  Big hugs...we're always here for you.