Aa
loss of mother
I have a similiar situation as lizzie, but I just lost my mom on March 11,2007 and was buried on the 16th. She was very ill for quite sometime with diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney function the list goes one. on march 8th she had surgery on her leg to help get better circulation to the foot that was infected. The surgery was a success, but the rest of her could not handle the surgery. she had brain swelling and renal failure. my siblings and I had to remove the life support there was no other way she was going to come out of it. since thursday the 22nd I've been un utter mess. crying, not wanting to do anything, it's just finally hit me. I'm in my 40's and lost my dad 25 years ago and we were also very close. I know I'm going to go through this rough patch but it will get easier. It's just going to take time adjusting my life without her being physciall in it. Everyone's grieving process is different but if your grieving for more then a month it's going to start taking over your life which your father would not have wanted that to happen, I'm sure you know that. I think counseling would be good for you since it's been awhile since your father's passing. It's not healthly for you or your family to be depressed for this long. I'm already going for therapy for other things going on in my life and thank goodness I am so we can also combine my grieving process in my sessions. I know those pity partys your having pretty well, but a party is really no fun with only one person, trust me, I've been there.
My respect to all of you for the grief process you have gone through & will continue to go through. I found this site as I am having a particularly bad month grieving my mother.
She died of cancer a little over 5 years ago. I quit my work to take care of her full time and she died by inches over a four year period. After her death, I had to move right away because of the possibility of work & to live with the husband I had married a year into her care. There was no one in my new location who had a clue what I had been through including my husband although he was most sympathetic.
I went to a "mother-loss" group in St.Paul Minnesota, which was the worse & most offensive group I have ever attended.
In short, my friends, we grieve on our own unless you know someone who has really been through this. Adjusting to "not" being a care-giver anymore is a whole process of it's own.
I spent many a lovely day with my mother as she got sicker. Beautiful golden days. I am very lucky in this respect.
I am here to tell you that it never really goes away - missing your mother. The pain becomes less, and the crying jags stop. Eventually, you can look at it without the intensity that it held for you the first year or 2. Keep a picture around of her, when she was lovely, healthy & strong. Talk to her, when you have time alone. She is not so far away and she will come & listen. When things get tough, ask her for advice. If you were close, she is within you and the answers will come.
All of these things will help you, but keep in mind that they are genuine. This is not a game for me. When I had no one to ask what to do next when I was caring for her ( and care-givers know exactly what I mean) I got answers from God. I had an on going dialog with God at all hours during this time. I am a changed person from this.
People who tell you that you will have an easier time of it because you know that she is dying and to expect it, well....maybe they haven't been through the experience, or they simply grieve differently. I was not prepared - even after 4 years.
One thing that Hospice said that really helps is "it takes as long as it takes." And that is the honest truth. So, I come here today to tell you I am having a very rough time of it this month, missing my mother like you wouldn't believe. I am 51 years old. I am having a bad patch, but I know it's o.k. and that my mother must be very near right now for a reason. Whatever you do, do not dismiss your grief. Let it come when it wants to. My deepest thoughts to everyone here.
She died of cancer a little over 5 years ago. I quit my work to take care of her full time and she died by inches over a four year period. After her death, I had to move right away because of the possibility of work & to live with the husband I had married a year into her care. There was no one in my new location who had a clue what I had been through including my husband although he was most sympathetic.
I went to a "mother-loss" group in St.Paul Minnesota, which was the worse & most offensive group I have ever attended.
In short, my friends, we grieve on our own unless you know someone who has really been through this. Adjusting to "not" being a care-giver anymore is a whole process of it's own.
I spent many a lovely day with my mother as she got sicker. Beautiful golden days. I am very lucky in this respect.
I am here to tell you that it never really goes away - missing your mother. The pain becomes less, and the crying jags stop. Eventually, you can look at it without the intensity that it held for you the first year or 2. Keep a picture around of her, when she was lovely, healthy & strong. Talk to her, when you have time alone. She is not so far away and she will come & listen. When things get tough, ask her for advice. If you were close, she is within you and the answers will come.
All of these things will help you, but keep in mind that they are genuine. This is not a game for me. When I had no one to ask what to do next when I was caring for her ( and care-givers know exactly what I mean) I got answers from God. I had an on going dialog with God at all hours during this time. I am a changed person from this.
People who tell you that you will have an easier time of it because you know that she is dying and to expect it, well....maybe they haven't been through the experience, or they simply grieve differently. I was not prepared - even after 4 years.
One thing that Hospice said that really helps is "it takes as long as it takes." And that is the honest truth. So, I come here today to tell you I am having a very rough time of it this month, missing my mother like you wouldn't believe. I am 51 years old. I am having a bad patch, but I know it's o.k. and that my mother must be very near right now for a reason. Whatever you do, do not dismiss your grief. Let it come when it wants to. My deepest thoughts to everyone here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ellen!!! I really needed to hear your words, even though I read the second half of them through tear-drenched eyes. The 1 year anniversary of my Mother's death is rapidly approaching and I am still so raw with grief. I am 45 years old and I feel like a lost child. My Mom was 73 and had Alzheimers. I was one of her many caregivers........... we have a very large family. Her birthday is next weekend and I just know I'll be a mess. Why can't I be the strong daughter that she raised? God help me!
Thank you all for being who I found when searching for others to relate to. My mom died on April 14, 2007. Her name was Marietta. She was the kindest, sweetest person I ever knew, and I miss her terribly. I miss our shared laughs because we had the same sense of humor, I miss her quirks, and her voice... We're about to sell her house, the one I lived in from age 4 until I got married in 2004 (I'm 30 years old), and it all hurts so much. The emptiness, the letting go. Deep down, I have faith and know on some level that my mom is with my dad, happier now because they're together and not suffering, and that their love is still with us. But despite this, I am still hurting. May we all be comforted.
I lost my Mom on January 20th 2008 and am having a difficult time with grieving. I have a wonderful husband who went through all of this with me and 3 teenagers. I am going through the "motions" but feel so sad and empty most of the time. My Mom was diagnosed on December 20th and died exactly 1 month later. I was her primary care-giver and very close to her. She was only 68 and wasn't even sick prior to her diagnoses. I cry allot and I feel weak and sad. I try to hide it from my family but it is really hard. My Daddy is having a hard time...they were married 50 years. I have two brothers that have been some help but have a sister that hasn't really been there for me (or Daddy) through this. I am taking a "break" from her right now to sort through my feelings. Any advice?
First off, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I know exactly what you're going through! I lost my mom on February 2nd of this year. She was diagnosed with ovarian and liver cancer, and passed away 2 weeks later. I didn't think mom was sick either, but looking back - she was. She started having pain just before Christmas and thought it was a muscle spasm. She had also been sleeping a lot - like since the summer before. She had actually talked to me about it, and I thought she was depressed!! Not so. It was the stinkin' cancer sucking the life out of her. My mom was only 66.
The grieving process takes some time and is different for everyone. I was in a major fog, and decided that I needed some help through this. I went to the doctor and got on Wellbutrin, and it seems to be helping. One thing I didn't want is for it to make me not feel anything. It hasn't so far. I still cry at times. But I'm now able to function like I did before it happened. I was seriously letting stuff go around my house, and THAT was depressing me too!!
I hope things get better for you. Maybe you could try checking out a grief support group to talk with people who are experiencing the same thing?
Take care.
Lori
The grieving process takes some time and is different for everyone. I was in a major fog, and decided that I needed some help through this. I went to the doctor and got on Wellbutrin, and it seems to be helping. One thing I didn't want is for it to make me not feel anything. It hasn't so far. I still cry at times. But I'm now able to function like I did before it happened. I was seriously letting stuff go around my house, and THAT was depressing me too!!
I hope things get better for you. Maybe you could try checking out a grief support group to talk with people who are experiencing the same thing?
Take care.
Lori
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom on April 17th of this year to COPD. She collapsed at my brother's house and my Dad did CPR to save her life. She was in the hospital for 2 months. She was totally sedated for the first 3 weeks while she had a collapsed lung, MRSA pneumonia, kidney and liver failure. She pulled through and went to pulmonary rehab. Everyone said she would be fine, but she knew different. She knew she was dying and didn't tell us becasue she didn't want us to worry. Just like a mom, huh? I miss her so much, she is my best friend. I have been strong, but today is a really bad day! I just can't believe that she is gone at 61 years old! It is just not fair. Well, one good thing, she was in Florida with my Dad with last week before she went into the hospital. It is strange how things happen. I constantly worry about my Dad and what we are going to do with him. He is just lost after 40 years of marriage to someone that truly took care of him.
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