loss of mother

[poco102361]

I have a similiar situation as lizzie, but I just lost my mom on March 11,2007 and was buried on the 16th.  She was very ill for quite sometime with diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney function the list goes one.  on march 8th she had surgery on her leg to help get better circulation to the foot that was infected.  The surgery was a success, but the rest of her could not handle the surgery. she had brain swelling and renal failure. my siblings and I had to remove the life support there was no other way she was going to come out of it.  since thursday the 22nd I've been un utter mess. crying, not wanting to do anything, it's just finally hit me.  I'm in my 40's and lost my dad 25 years ago and we were also very close. I know I'm going to go through this rough patch but it will get easier. It's just going to take time adjusting my life without her being physciall in it. Everyone's grieving process is different but if your grieving for more then a month it's going to start taking over your life which your father would not have wanted that to happen, I'm sure you know that. I think counseling would be good for you since it's been awhile since your father's passing.  It's not healthly for you or your family to be depressed for this long.  I'm already going for therapy for other things going on in my life and thank goodness I am so we can also combine my grieving process in my sessions. I know those pity partys your having pretty well, but a party is really no fun with only one person, trust me, I've been there.  

[Sad_FeelingHelpless]

My boyfriend of four years has just lost his mother to cancer one week ago.  She was told in 1996 that she had three to six months left to live, but she fought and fought, but eventually, she could not fight anymore.  I know that it is just hitting him now.  How could he have gotten a grasp of what's happened through all the commotion of the process of planning the funeral and people coming and going and bringing food over etc.  I'm back at work now, but he's still home for the rest of the week and I'm very worried about him.  I know it's good for him to have some space and some time alone with his thoughts so he can begin the process of grieving.  

He said to me that he thinks of her first thing when he wakes up, last thing before falling asleep and most of the day.  He cries a lot and can't sleep.  He says he's feeling a little deprived of having a normal life and that he feels he still has very important events in his life that she was supposed to be at.  He has images of her pop into his head of when she was really sick.  He says it's unfair that she died so young (52 years old) and he's worried there is no after-life.  He says he misses her so much and he's very sad that he will never see her again.  

I have no idea what I can do to help or comfort him.  I listen to him and support him, but I feel this is where it stops.  I wish I could take the pain away, but I know I can't.  I can't even imagine the pain that he is going through.

Ever since I've known him, he's smoked marijuana.  Not all day everyday, but just a couple nights a week after work watching TV.  Some weeks he would smoke more than that, some less..  Now that his mother died, I'm very worried about this.  I'm scared he thinks it's okay to smoke a lot during this time, like he's self-medicating himself or something.  He says it's so much better and easier when he smokes.  But this can't be healthy right?  I feel like it will prolong the grieving process and make things worse in the long-run.  If I ask him not to do it, he will listen to me, but not happily. He'll complain that I'm too controlling.  I don't know what to do.  Please help me.

[sherrysdaughter]

I am glad that I found this site. I lost my mother on January 21, 2008 to leukemia. I have had some really bad days lately and I can't stop crying. I have gone through similiar things: waking up and thinking it was a bad dream, wishing my mom would call, angry that she got diagnosed with cancer, feeling cheated out of my mom and feeling angry that my young children won't get to know my mom as they grow up. I go to a counselor and she said to write in a journal. This is the first time that I have wrote anything about losing my mom. Anytime I say that she died, I just cry so hard like I did the morning she passed away.
Please don't feel alone because it sounds like we are all grieving but in different ways.

Thanks for listening!

[bubblyjean]

I'm so glad I found this website. I am one of those persons who find it very beneficial to write things down when something is bothering me. (it's like therapy) And believe me, I have written more letters and written in my journal more than I think I ever have over the last 5 months. I lost my Mom in December of 2007. We were very close and my life hasn't been the same since. I don't ever expect it to be EXACTLY the same. But, I do know that things will get better. I have been told that you never really get over the loss of your Mom. You just learn to live with it. Last night I just happened to come across the words to a song that My Mom loved to sing. I wept like a baby. I could almost hear her singing it. Finding the words to this song was so special to me because I had been kicking myself for not writing the words down while my Mom was still alive. I'd like to share the last verse. -- I'm bound for the beautiful city -- My Lord has prepared for His own -- Where all the redeemed of all ages -- Sing glory because they are home -- Sometimes I grow homesick for Heaven -- And the glories I there shall behold -- What a joy that will be when my Savior I see -- In that beautiful city of gold.   Even though I am a Christian and I am comfortable as to where my Mom is, it's still very painful. I miss her so much. She always said, "Time heals a lot of wounds." I'm hanging on to that. I know I will see her again someday. I'm hanging on to that as well. I'm hoping that the words to this song may help someone out there who has lost a loved one.
In God's Love,
Bobbi

[turtle0347]

I am sorry for your loss.  I lost my Mom on April 17th of this year to COPD.  She collapsed at my brother's house and my Dad did CPR to save her life.  She was in the hospital for 2 months.  She was totally sedated for the first 3 weeks while she had a collapsed lung, MRSA pneumonia, kidney and liver failure.  She pulled through and went to pulmonary rehab.  Everyone said she would be fine, but she knew different.  She knew she was dying and didn't tell us becasue she didn't want us to worry.  Just like a mom, huh?  I miss her so much, she is my best friend.  I have been strong, but today is a really bad day!  I just can't believe that she is gone at 61 years old!  It is just not fair.  Well, one good thing, she was in Florida with my Dad with last week before she went into the hospital.  It is strange how things happen.  I constantly worry about my Dad and what we are going to do with him.  He is just lost after 40 years of marriage to someone that truly took care of him.

[kipland]

First off, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.  I know exactly what you're going through!  I lost my mom on February 2nd of this year.  She was diagnosed with ovarian and liver cancer, and passed away 2 weeks later.  I didn't think mom was sick either, but looking back - she was.  She started having pain just before Christmas and thought it was a muscle spasm.  She had also been sleeping a lot - like since the summer before.  She had actually talked to me about it, and I thought she was depressed!!  Not so.  It was the stinkin' cancer sucking the life out of her.  My mom was only 66.

The grieving process takes some time and is different for everyone.  I was in a major fog, and decided that I needed some help through this.  I went to the doctor and got on Wellbutrin, and it seems to be helping.  One thing I didn't want is for it to make me not feel anything.  It hasn't so far.  I still cry at times.  But I'm now able to function like I did before it happened.  I was seriously letting stuff go around my house, and THAT was depressing me too!!

I hope things get better for you.  Maybe you could try checking out a grief support group to talk with people who are experiencing the same thing?

Take care.

Lori

[Empty48]

I lost my Mom on January 20th 2008 and am having a difficult time with grieving.  I have a wonderful husband who went through all of this with me and 3 teenagers.  I am going through the "motions" but feel so sad and empty most of the time.  My Mom was diagnosed on December 20th and died exactly 1 month later.  I was her primary care-giver and very close to her.  She was only 68 and wasn't even sick prior to her diagnoses.  I cry allot and I feel weak and sad.  I try to hide it from my family but it is really hard.  My Daddy is having a hard time...they were married 50 years.  I have two brothers that have been some help but have a sister that hasn't really been there for me (or Daddy) through this.  I am taking a "break" from her right now to sort through my feelings.  Any advice?