Aa
loss of mother
I have a similiar situation as lizzie, but I just lost my mom on March 11,2007 and was buried on the 16th. She was very ill for quite sometime with diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney function the list goes one. on march 8th she had surgery on her leg to help get better circulation to the foot that was infected. The surgery was a success, but the rest of her could not handle the surgery. she had brain swelling and renal failure. my siblings and I had to remove the life support there was no other way she was going to come out of it. since thursday the 22nd I've been un utter mess. crying, not wanting to do anything, it's just finally hit me. I'm in my 40's and lost my dad 25 years ago and we were also very close. I know I'm going to go through this rough patch but it will get easier. It's just going to take time adjusting my life without her being physciall in it. Everyone's grieving process is different but if your grieving for more then a month it's going to start taking over your life which your father would not have wanted that to happen, I'm sure you know that. I think counseling would be good for you since it's been awhile since your father's passing. It's not healthly for you or your family to be depressed for this long. I'm already going for therapy for other things going on in my life and thank goodness I am so we can also combine my grieving process in my sessions. I know those pity partys your having pretty well, but a party is really no fun with only one person, trust me, I've been there.
Thank you all for being who I found when searching for others to relate to. My mom died on April 14, 2007. Her name was Marietta. She was the kindest, sweetest person I ever knew, and I miss her terribly. I miss our shared laughs because we had the same sense of humor, I miss her quirks, and her voice... We're about to sell her house, the one I lived in from age 4 until I got married in 2004 (I'm 30 years old), and it all hurts so much. The emptiness, the letting go. Deep down, I have faith and know on some level that my mom is with my dad, happier now because they're together and not suffering, and that their love is still with us. But despite this, I am still hurting. May we all be comforted.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ellen!!! I really needed to hear your words, even though I read the second half of them through tear-drenched eyes. The 1 year anniversary of my Mother's death is rapidly approaching and I am still so raw with grief. I am 45 years old and I feel like a lost child. My Mom was 73 and had Alzheimers. I was one of her many caregivers........... we have a very large family. Her birthday is next weekend and I just know I'll be a mess. Why can't I be the strong daughter that she raised? God help me!
My respect to all of you for the grief process you have gone through & will continue to go through. I found this site as I am having a particularly bad month grieving my mother.
She died of cancer a little over 5 years ago. I quit my work to take care of her full time and she died by inches over a four year period. After her death, I had to move right away because of the possibility of work & to live with the husband I had married a year into her care. There was no one in my new location who had a clue what I had been through including my husband although he was most sympathetic.
I went to a "mother-loss" group in St.Paul Minnesota, which was the worse & most offensive group I have ever attended.
In short, my friends, we grieve on our own unless you know someone who has really been through this. Adjusting to "not" being a care-giver anymore is a whole process of it's own.
I spent many a lovely day with my mother as she got sicker. Beautiful golden days. I am very lucky in this respect.
I am here to tell you that it never really goes away - missing your mother. The pain becomes less, and the crying jags stop. Eventually, you can look at it without the intensity that it held for you the first year or 2. Keep a picture around of her, when she was lovely, healthy & strong. Talk to her, when you have time alone. She is not so far away and she will come & listen. When things get tough, ask her for advice. If you were close, she is within you and the answers will come.
All of these things will help you, but keep in mind that they are genuine. This is not a game for me. When I had no one to ask what to do next when I was caring for her ( and care-givers know exactly what I mean) I got answers from God. I had an on going dialog with God at all hours during this time. I am a changed person from this.
People who tell you that you will have an easier time of it because you know that she is dying and to expect it, well....maybe they haven't been through the experience, or they simply grieve differently. I was not prepared - even after 4 years.
One thing that Hospice said that really helps is "it takes as long as it takes." And that is the honest truth. So, I come here today to tell you I am having a very rough time of it this month, missing my mother like you wouldn't believe. I am 51 years old. I am having a bad patch, but I know it's o.k. and that my mother must be very near right now for a reason. Whatever you do, do not dismiss your grief. Let it come when it wants to. My deepest thoughts to everyone here.
She died of cancer a little over 5 years ago. I quit my work to take care of her full time and she died by inches over a four year period. After her death, I had to move right away because of the possibility of work & to live with the husband I had married a year into her care. There was no one in my new location who had a clue what I had been through including my husband although he was most sympathetic.
I went to a "mother-loss" group in St.Paul Minnesota, which was the worse & most offensive group I have ever attended.
In short, my friends, we grieve on our own unless you know someone who has really been through this. Adjusting to "not" being a care-giver anymore is a whole process of it's own.
I spent many a lovely day with my mother as she got sicker. Beautiful golden days. I am very lucky in this respect.
I am here to tell you that it never really goes away - missing your mother. The pain becomes less, and the crying jags stop. Eventually, you can look at it without the intensity that it held for you the first year or 2. Keep a picture around of her, when she was lovely, healthy & strong. Talk to her, when you have time alone. She is not so far away and she will come & listen. When things get tough, ask her for advice. If you were close, she is within you and the answers will come.
All of these things will help you, but keep in mind that they are genuine. This is not a game for me. When I had no one to ask what to do next when I was caring for her ( and care-givers know exactly what I mean) I got answers from God. I had an on going dialog with God at all hours during this time. I am a changed person from this.
People who tell you that you will have an easier time of it because you know that she is dying and to expect it, well....maybe they haven't been through the experience, or they simply grieve differently. I was not prepared - even after 4 years.
One thing that Hospice said that really helps is "it takes as long as it takes." And that is the honest truth. So, I come here today to tell you I am having a very rough time of it this month, missing my mother like you wouldn't believe. I am 51 years old. I am having a bad patch, but I know it's o.k. and that my mother must be very near right now for a reason. Whatever you do, do not dismiss your grief. Let it come when it wants to. My deepest thoughts to everyone here.
Please give me some advise. My husband is about to lose his mother. If you have been through this can you please tell me what was helpful for you? My heart breaks for him, his siblings, and especially his dad, his parents are only in their 50's.
I am so sorry about your mom. I am 30 years old and just lost my mom last may. She had a liver transplant in sept. 05 developed an abcess on the new liver in Jan. drs. didn't know she had cancer i dont think. On Mothers day we found out and she died 10 days later. I am not sure where I am at now with my grieving process but nobody can put a time limit. There are always things and circumstances and different levels of relationships with moms and daughters. Your age also depends. I did okay. I thought I "lost" it at the funeral but then there was times I found myself consoling people but as soon as the funeral was over, I cleaned for 4 days straight. EVERY morning from the min. she died I woke up in the morning with my heart going 90 mph. I'd cry, it's like you wake up like it was a bad dream, then realize it wasn't and it hurts alot. I got through this year well with the holidays, I'm now a Christian but only since sept. the first few months i wasn't and I just made things harder but my point is that you are going to grieve way longer than a month. The best thing IS moving on with your life, getting out anyway, even if you don't want to. Now if you're isolating yourself for a month thats one thing but no one can tell you that you shouldn't be grieving past a month. Next month is mothers day, my b-day 2 days later then my brothers, then the day she died and as good as I thought i was doing, and with Christ as my Comforter, this past week has been just like last year and I JUST NOW quit thinking it was her ringing the phone early in the mornings. Now I feel like it just happened. But I know that it will get better. Everyone told me the first year is the hardest but I've never had anyone, esp. someone who's been thru it tell me I'd be "over it" in a month, but as I said before, a month is too long to be depressed but grief and depression are 2 diff things, one leads to the other but they r not the same. I will pray for comfort for you. I'm sorry again for your loss.
I lost my mom to cancer this past March and I know you guys understand the fog I feel I am in. She was 88 years old and very ill and wanted to pass and when she did it was a relief for her and all who loved her and watched her suffer. I grieved so much while she was ill and now I cannot cry any more and I wonder if I need nelp or if this is normal. I have to sell her home and her things and am having disagreements with relatives over those issues. She changed her will at the end of her life and I think she was not thinking clearly and it has caused some serious issues. I don't want to fight with my family, the grief is enough without that too. What next.....I thought I was through the worst...now I am not so sure.
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