suicide ,,of my two children ,....

[bell124]

hi everyone ,.this is my frist time in the loss and grief ,im in the depression forum ,...........i couldnt up till come in here ,.........but im here now ........and my question is ,............if there is someone out there that has had two children die from suicide can they please let me know how they are dealing with it ,............because im not dealing with it so good ,.......i have become suicidal myself through this ,........i know i need to be here for my young son ,,but sometimes the pain is overwhelming ,.........and i dont see my young son there ,..........its like i go into a world of my own ,......and im afraid i will never come out of that world ,....i dont want to die ,..but i dont want to live with this pain .,........i have a very good friend on mh ,.......and she has been great to me ,..but as much as that has been i still need to talk to someone in my position ,.............dont ask me why because i dont even know that myself ,...till it happens ,............thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this ,..........

[coastal77]

First, my prayers are with you. I am amazed at your strength. I feel so bad because I am dealing with an empty nest loss and you have made me realize just how blessed I am. It dawned on me that you have a story that could help others. This may be to fresh now but I think that though God does not create tragedy or illness or death, He can use it for good so that it can turn it around for as much good as possible.
I don't even for one second think I can understand your pain. But I admire your tremendous strength just for waking up everyday and reaching out.
I know when my dad died I thought... why are people lauging or smiling? And one day I realized that I was laughing and smiling. Death is so hard to understand. Especially in the way you have had to. But you said you have a young son. Be there for him. You have a wonderful soul to continue to nurture. Get help for both of you because I am sure he is hurting too.
But consider my word... You have a story to tell... and I am going to pray for the best happy ending you could ask for!
God Bless you!

[Babybaw4]

Hello I was just lurking around on this page and came across your post. Let me say how sorry I am and I know it doesnt change much as people told that to me many times when my fiance committed suicide. Your in the right place and your not alone, believe me its awful and no good way of putting it.. I a few sites that I had got really close was the www.****.***(Survivors of Suicide Group ) and my fiance's mom got into a group called www.pos.com (Parents of Suicide Suide) She was hooked and addicted as well as myself. You deal with people who dealt with just suicide and its a awesome group. Did you look into any local funeral homes? I am asking because they had provided us with a chuch who held weekly meetings it was a Suicide Support group and I swear by it it was real life people who just gave some good advice.. I hope you do find peace. Although I didnt lose a child I can only imagine that pain but no matter who you lost to Suicide still hurts the same.. Your in my thoughts and prayers

[bell124]

hi jiml1986,..........yes i have been told my young son is a high risk to suicide ,.....and my my two children that died from suicide did suffer with depression ,......my son had it for about 5 years before he died but i didnt even know my daughter had it so bad ,........she was just starting it when  she died ,......depression is  on mine and my husband side of the family's ,.........and yes i have a big fear in me my other son will take his life to when he gets older ,........i know only to well it runs in family's and thats what i fear now for my son ,........he is 11 years old now and already im fearing for him ,.......and im finding the strain to much to cope with on top of trying to grieve for my children ,.......i pray for him to ,......but i also know when your so depressed you dont see people around you ,........thanks for your prayers

[jml1986]

From what my family has been told, your son is at higher risk. Our family was contacted by a leading research hospital after the 14th death, and they wanted to try and isolate a gene or something that could tell them what makes so many people in one family kill themselves. The catch to the study was that there had to have 2 siblings from each family to do it. Sadly there were only a couple that were willing to do it, the others preferred to live with blinders on saying the deaths were in no way caused by something genetic that they themselves might have. The most that we will probably ever learn about why this is happening is that all of the family members that killed themselves, suffered from severe depression. So, our fate continues to be and probably forever will be is who is next.
I pray that surviving son, knows what you have gown through and will seek help if he see the signs in himself.

[bell124]

i would like to thank snoozies43,...............for comeing here and sharing what you just did to me ,............and to wendallzmom ,..........i am truly sorry for your loss ,....i have takeing you story in a lot ,.......its a very sad story and i so glad you have made it through life  for your son and for yourself  ,........i have been here 6 years so far and every day is a life sentence ,.......i have a young son and a grown up daughter ,...i love them so much ,....i never want to die and leave them ,.....but im also not the same mom they knew ,....they have lost there brother and sister but they have also lost there mom in the way ive been left ,.and when i think i might have another 30 or 40 years of this life it makes me feel worse ,.........i also have been told my son is a high risk of takeing his life because of his brother and sister ,..........and i feel i just cant stay here and see that again ,........i am still here for him and thats all i know ,........but the treat is allways there with me ,........and for now i will go on talking to people that want to talk to me ,its so hard to put the last 6 years of my life on here ,........but im trying ,........thank you ,.

[snoozies43]

I can only say that loses are a tremedous feeling. And is a Loss for sure.

I will not go into my history. However i can say that i should not be here 4 times over. Not of my choices..life happened.

"Miracles" happen. Please stay strong. Never give up.

Peace & prosperity 2 you.