suicide ,,of my two children ,....

[bell124]

hi everyone ,.this is my frist time in the loss and grief ,im in the depression forum ,...........i couldnt up till come in here ,.........but im here now ........and my question is ,............if there is someone out there that has had two children die from suicide can they please let me know how they are dealing with it ,............because im not dealing with it so good ,.......i have become suicidal myself through this ,........i know i need to be here for my young son ,,but sometimes the pain is overwhelming ,.........and i dont see my young son there ,..........its like i go into a world of my own ,......and im afraid i will never come out of that world ,....i dont want to die ,..but i dont want to live with this pain .,........i have a very good friend on mh ,.......and she has been great to me ,..but as much as that has been i still need to talk to someone in my position ,.............dont ask me why because i dont even know that myself ,...till it happens ,............thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this ,..........

[suzi-q]

Bell,  I worked with a woman who lost her son to suicide, and also, a man in my school district who also lost a son to suicide.  I used to have a neighbor who lost her son to suicide and a friend of a friend who lost her sister to suicide...I am telling you this because you are definitely not alone in your pain.  I know of 4 different situations as I just told you...and multipy that by the many many people who are here on this earth.  You DO belong here.  You just need to find the right support group.  Maybe there are people here on medhelp who have experienced the same loss, but aren't ready to talk about it...Do not give up.

When my parents passed away my therapist suggested that I go to grief counseling.  It is a free service usually offered through the city or county where you live.  They have all different groups.  The one that I was part of was "adult children who lost a parent"...I am sure they have groups for people who lost a child to suicide, or something close.  Please make a phone call and try to find a group near you.  It was the best thing that I did.  It was a very helpful experience and helped take away "I feel so alone in this" feeling that you are experiencing.  

You are stuck in the grips of grief and you are very angry.  It is a very normal feeling to feel as you do, however, if you are in this state for a long time, you need to find help to help you move forward through the other stages until you get to acceptance.  Acceptance doesn't mean forgeting...I will never forget my parents and I think of them and quote them on a daily basis and pray for their souls every night, but when you accept it, you can then smile again and move forward.  You can be happy again and things can be okay!  

I will pray for you to find that acceptance in your heart and to be able to move forward through this terrible, terrible grief that you have suffered.

[bell124]

thanks to all of you for your comments ,..........suziq,......i have a very good friend here on mh jen ,........i dont know if i still would be here if not for her ,.......talking to her and just haveing fun sometimes every day has helped me so much ,.........she has never let me down never ,...........she is allways there when need her ,..........and there are 1000,s of miles between us ,.......but she is still there for me ,...........i just thought i might meat some other mother like myself ,.....i just feel i dont belong here ,.not on mh ,..........but here on this earth ,.........with people that have never had suicide in there families ,.......and dont think im  been silly ,......thats how  a member, of a family, of a suicide death feels ,.......you feel people might turn there back on you ,...when they hear the word suicide ,........like it is catching ,.prob for family members ,.......but not for some ,.........i do understand when jml1986 said he know of 15 members of the one family ,....its often family's that are wiped out ,............i cant say any more just now ,so thanks to all ,........

[jml1986]

I have no clue how you feel, but I can tell you that I come from a family where there there have been 15 suicides by families members, and I know that your pain must be unbearable. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[MJIthewriter]

My grandma lost one of her children to suicide... She could probably tell you better than I can, but it was very rough for her. She still gets tears on occasion talking about my uncle who passed away at 18.  It is hard, but it does get better.  Don't be afraid to just cry sometimes.  It's alright to cry.  You know I read somewhere that crying helps animals to heal faster.

Interesting.

[suzi-q]

Hi bell,  

so glad to see you in this community.  I truly hope someone out there who has been through the pain you are going through responds to you.  I know you feel very alone and I hope you find the support you need to make it through...God bless you and I pray for your strength.

Suzi