Sitting here having PVC's and PAC's one after another!!!

[Sunshine47]

Hey guys, I am having a pity party. I have had it with these stupid beats. I am worn out with it and if I could talk the Doc into it I would go right now to have my 2nd ablation. I want to be free again. I am getting on everyones nerves at my house and I  am getting on my own nerves. I would love to have the past 6 years back. Is that being greedy? I can't understand what started them up again. I know that the doc said that they could be new troubled spots but are they going to keep continuing to come back time and time again? I have lost 13 pounds and have given up everything that I know of that have flared them off in the past. I barely eat, I barley leave the house for personal time, I hate to drive now. I am a WRECK!!!!!! I want my life BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cry all the time, I am scared all the time, I hate this type of life. I am usually a fun, outgoing, hardworking person. Now I feel like I have laid down and given up. My 99 year old Grandma has more life in her than I do. I am not scheduled until the first of Feb. for my workup. I don't think I can wait. I am sitting here strongly thinking about going to the ER and asking them to admit me so that I can get it over with. I a feed up, at wits end. I want peace. I know that I this won't hurt you but it is so debilitating. I am SCREAMMMMMINNNNGGGGG now!!!! Sorry guys I had to get that out of my system. Keep praying for me and I will let you all know what I decide to do. If it weren't for you all I would be motified. You all that have commented me back have been wonderful hope and strength for me. My quality of life has went from spectacular to pathetic. Well I am going to go to my room and continue my pity party there. Take care guys and thanks for listening.
Karen in Tennessee and wishing for a miracle.

[Sunshine47]

Thanks for the advice. I am keeping a diary. I try to write positive things down and stay away from the negative. I have had a terrible day to day but I tried to fight it and I took your advice and stayed in the bed all day. That is where I felt the best. I am glad to have a friend like you even if you are so far away. You are always close to my thoughts. I keep prayng for your recovery. You are a special person. Are you orginally from Africa? I bet you have a beautiful accent. I do.. I have a hillbilly one. LOL. What they say about Southern girls is not true though we don't say barefoot and pregnant. How is your precious little one today? I told my co-workers about the hat. They thought that it was precious. I did too. Thanks for your friendship. Keep those prayes coming. God Bless you and your family and I hoep that you get better everyday.
Karen

[Sunshine47]

Hey you!!
You should be proud that you haven't had trouble since the 20th. Isn't it funny that we can name the exact time and date since it last happens? Now that it hasn't happened in a while would be a good time to try to focus on something that you enjoy. Maybe if you can just say hey I haven't had a flip in a while and so what if I do I know that it isn't going to hurt me. Do you constantly feel your pulse? That is my problem. I should just take some super glue and glue my fingers to my neck or wrist. LOL. Maybe it is gone forever, I have been praying for you alot. God works in mysterious ways. If he heals one all the prayers that have been sent up will not have been in vain. Not that I ever think that a prayer is in vain it is that God answers in his own time and his own way. I learned that the hard way.When my son's fiance' passed away I was so angry and so upset and then I got angry at my son because he moved on.. I couldn't understand why or how he could forget so quick but that was not it at all. He just dealed different. I would not even let his g/f in  my house and all I was doing was driving a wedge between us, I prayed to God everyday that he would get rid of her but instead he got closer and closer to her. I then decided that I needed to do the same. God lead me to do the right thing to keep peace with my son and now she is part of us, Not like Savannah.. we can never replace her but I am accepting it alot better now. So I have had to turn it over and let happen whatever happens. The same as my heart. I feel so scared and sometimes when I have bad episodes today I feel like calling it quits and quit putting my family through my PAIN! Then I think that would just hurt lots of people and I have faith that things will get better. I feel like a NUT sometimes but my husband is helping me. He keeps telling me to be patient. I get angry sometimes when people tell me that because it is easy for them to say that because it isn't happening to them. I have to step back and say okay I am going to do this with the help of my Lord. I can't give up. I want to get better. By the way your venting doesn't bother me at all. I love to talk to you. You are my friend and that is what friends are for. I love ya girl. Big Huggggggsssss to you too
Karen

[WvMomof3]

Hey Hun...Glad u posted today...I was getting a little worried about u...I hope your day got better and u were able to enjoy it some...we took the boys to the mall for a bit...I wish I could enjoy it Karen...but I am still scared to death...I am constantly waiting for my heart to flutter...Will this ever get any better?....It is a horrible way to live...I haven't felt it skip since the 20th of Feb...but I know it is only a matter of time before it does...which in turn scares me more...because I will think they are gone and BAM...here they come again to prove to me that I am never going to get over this...Sigh...If not for God's grace...I would be in a nut house I am sure....Ty for listening to me vent...once again...Love ya my Friend...*Huggsss*

[Sunshine47]

I hung out with the family last night and then the old heart started doing its ritual dance and I had to go to bed. So that is why I wasn't on. I am so tired of no fun and all sick all the time, I am working on a plan with the doc. So soon I hope that I can go out and play with no worries.I woke up this morning with the beast going off in my body. I have tried to ingnore it so that it will go away but no luck yet. How about yourself sweety? Ihope that your day is going well. I am praying so hard for relief for all of us. I am going to beat this DEMON. I have faith and lots of it. I hope that you have a wonderful day filled with peace. God Bless you my new found friend. I really care. Hugs and lots of them to you. Love ya too muchly. <3

[WvMomof3]

Hey Hun...Missed seeing a post from u today...Hope all is well with u and u have a great night...Hop, Skip, and Jump FREEEEEE....God Bless...Love ya...(((Huggssss)))

[Thinline]

Hey Karen.  I'm still trying to decide if this news is good or bad.  The major thing here is that your new doctor is obviously very thorough and is not keen to rush blindly into anything if she feels there might be something different going on which could be treated in a different way.  As frustrating as this wait is, I think its really a good plan of action on your doc's behalf, and she probably has some inkling of whats really going on and is doing this to confirm her feeling.  Perhaps when your doc left he actually did you a favour, becaue a different doc will look on things in a different way and might pick something up the other guy missed.  Often I think my cardio knows me too well and doesn't really pay enough attention.  I guess only time will tell, but since you have a whole nother month to wait now, please try be positive.  

I know what a hard time you have been having, but I've been thinking about how down in the dumps you are and what any of us here can try to suggest to make you feel better.  I'm not talking about huge life changes here, just little things.  I have three suggestions to try perk you up:

1. Think of something good and positive about yourself every day and write it down in a journal (anything goes here, it could be about your kind heart and how you have helped so many people, it could be something about your body that you are proud of - maybe you have a gorgeous butt or boobs or stunning hair - whatever, write it down and then one day when you are feeling very bad you can go back and read it.

2.  Think of something a member of your family has said or done lately which has made you feel special and loved - a good start would be the mail from your son.  Write that down too and go back and read it when you need to.

3.  Do something each day that you love doing, whether it's sitting outside and listening to the birds sing, or watch rain through the window, read something silly that you've always wanted to but didn't do because it was too silly, look on the web for a joke until you find one that really gets you giggling.

I hope you give one or more of these a try and it helps you feel better and cope better.  I'm sure lots of people have other suggestions for you, and I think any suggestions anyone makes will help everyone else here who feels angry and fed up with life.

Sending you a hug all the way from South Africa!