Aa
Feel so alone in this nightmare HELP
Hello all it's me Denise back again. last weds was shot 7. I am on AD effexor, was working until lately. My problem... I am so emotional and my family just doesn't get it. My husband is so nasty and critical of me. Can't come home from work without saying something to hurt me. My daughter (26) is here "helping" til end of month. She's been here for 2 mnths. She wakes up nasty to me. I disgust her. I'm a bad mother, etc... all the while I want to scream but I have to try to keep the peace because of my 6 yr old son. I have a very disfunctional family. I'm loosing it. Why can't my family just try to keep me calm and understand that my head is so messed up right now. If I ask for help with something it's like I'm asking for an arm or I am lazy/or exagerating. So much more to tell. I don't know where to turn. No one understands. I'm so tired, I can't sleep, MY family gets me so worked up I have shaking panic attacks. Doc also gave me klonopin for panic attacks. Not really helping. On top of it I'm going thru pre-mentalpause, ra factor over 500, lower back, hands & shoulder hurt and have limited mobility, have rumatolosist app tues. Also have neutropenia. potasium low. Red cells are still good though! Sorry for rambling. My parents are gone my family can't stand me. I want to do this for my son! Yes I know everyone goes thru crap during tx. But I have no one. :(
I normally don't like saying this but I somewhat know what I going thru deni. I was diagnosed 2 yrs ago and my hub became addicted to pain pills after hurting his back.this makes him hateful most the time , especially when he's running low. My baby is 18 yrs old. He's all I have but I just keep thinking that this is not his battle and I stay so angry because my hinny is too absorbed in his high than to help me live. Bit I know I've got to get past this and start taking care of myself. It's just so hard when u have no one, I know. I have no parents myself.My heart goes out to you. But u hang on there girl. I will keep u in my prayers. We all need someone.
You've had a lot of great encouragment from this forum. What would we do w/o that? Good news about your lab work. You know what? Just get alone. Block em out. Think about YOU. I've decided this is going down as the most selfish year of my life... because I'm gonna take care of me.
The thot that follows makes me think of your son tho. By being selfish now, you'll be able to give to him, and others for many year to come. You sound like a tuff girl. GGRRRR. You're gonna make it! Karen :)
The thot that follows makes me think of your son tho. By being selfish now, you'll be able to give to him, and others for many year to come. You sound like a tuff girl. GGRRRR. You're gonna make it! Karen :)
this is the second time i have tired to write this post Brain fog is bad today!!!! sorry i have not been in here lately. work work work! god some days i really am not into it. family!!! that alone could be a forum by it's self. ( When people as us go to see ARE hep doc's ) it is us that ask questions ; right ? well my family dose not even have a clue about me sickness. Get this , I'm sitting there and my wife tells the doc that i can't start re - start tx , because i need a babysitter so i will take my meds on time. the only thing she has read about the new stuff is if you miss are don't it on time bad things happen. she dose not even know what they are the sx. I'm with you sister!!! I am starting to think that the family can make tx worst. She even a medical libarian but just stick her head in the sand , with me sickness. thank for being in here it make it a lot nicer. sharing to yous all!!!
Just relized I spelled job wrong lol. Some times I spell things right and some times I don't. I was thinking about it and job is a little intense so it might be a little much for you right now but he does come out in the end even better of then when he started which is inspiring. Hope you're doing and feallg better! Keep in thouch.
Lots of good ideas and support in these posts and sent with a lot of caring. I hope you can get through this and take all the good advise. people should not hurt others and its just not right....... take some time to yourself, I hope you find the answers and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Mary
hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Mary
I hate hearing how you're being treated it really makes me mad for you. It's great that you're getting away for a bit I think it's much needed. Use it to refresh and regroup and just stay in a posative place with in your self. Keep staying in the moment with your little team you and your son have going on. This will help both of you threw this and give you a greater bond than you could have ever hoped for. may I also suggest reading the bible? It really does help. Psalms are amazing for a little lift especialy tword the end of them. Jobe is a good one too for insperation. He whent threw it all and then some. I don't want to push anything on you but just something that really helps me. Good luck and I hope you come back from your trip refreshed and renewed!
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It's harder to be a caregiver than we realize. We are the ones with the shakes, the skin with ants crawling around on it, the ones who can't get enough air to walk to the mailbox...or stand up in the shower, and yet THEY are the ones angry and resentful???
well yes, but there are reasons. they love you, and they are going through the stages of grief. They don't want to lose you or see you sick, they are scared...for you and for themselves....they will have to process their anger, their bargaining with God, etc...and fnally get hopefully through grieving and come full circle...full circle is a return to love, to acceptance, to caring. If you look up the stages of grief, you will see how we process death and disease. Sometimes folks don't process, they get stuck in the forst stages and never make it past them...they need help.
we are expecting our families to be OK but not all folks can be on their own. Even ones with faith in God can get anxious for us. Have you thought of trying to get your hubby or daughter to see someone?? Be it a pastor or a psychologist I think it's worth a try.
the psychologist really helped my husband, and he was getting very ansy...there's just a lot of stress..on top of which I got so messed up I could stand up to even cook, much less shop. Very tired. For a lot of men, that is a real issue if they've never done it.
for your daughter it just sounds like she has her own life, and doesn't like having to be inserted into yours.I've seen more than one young woman melt down when expected to return the love that was freely given to them for years. If she can't handle it, let her go...the resentment isn't worth it.
If push comes to shove you can get help for what she does. And my six year old learned to cook his own oatmeal and a whole host of other things. They can be really grown up when the need arises.
It might help you to make sure and get on Epogen if your HB goes low...and it might help to show your husband a list of the common symptoms of treatment, and of oxygen deprivation. Perhaps he's be a little more understanding if he saw that list in print.
Anyway, keep your chin up, this too shall pass.