Aa
Feel so alone in this nightmare HELP
Hello all it's me Denise back again. last weds was shot 7. I am on AD effexor, was working until lately. My problem... I am so emotional and my family just doesn't get it. My husband is so nasty and critical of me. Can't come home from work without saying something to hurt me. My daughter (26) is here "helping" til end of month. She's been here for 2 mnths. She wakes up nasty to me. I disgust her. I'm a bad mother, etc... all the while I want to scream but I have to try to keep the peace because of my 6 yr old son. I have a very disfunctional family. I'm loosing it. Why can't my family just try to keep me calm and understand that my head is so messed up right now. If I ask for help with something it's like I'm asking for an arm or I am lazy/or exagerating. So much more to tell. I don't know where to turn. No one understands. I'm so tired, I can't sleep, MY family gets me so worked up I have shaking panic attacks. Doc also gave me klonopin for panic attacks. Not really helping. On top of it I'm going thru pre-mentalpause, ra factor over 500, lower back, hands & shoulder hurt and have limited mobility, have rumatolosist app tues. Also have neutropenia. potasium low. Red cells are still good though! Sorry for rambling. My parents are gone my family can't stand me. I want to do this for my son! Yes I know everyone goes thru crap during tx. But I have no one. :(
But is it worth all the **** I'm going thru? What's left? I feel as though I should have "cleaned house" before attempting this. Very hard. going on 9th wk weds shot. The way I feel right now I want a divorce, I don't want to see or speak to my daughter until I can forgive her for the way she has been treating me. My head is so messed up. I try to keep it together for my poor 6 yr old. Poor kid, has to see this crap and me sick and I am the one cares for him emotionally. It's hard cause I'm such a mess! Thanks for listening. I love you all. There's more to come.
Denise xoxo
Denise xoxo
That is just awsome news! I'm so happy for you like the others said just keep that great news in thaught the whole way threw and you got this thing beat! Lets hope my news is just as good : )
Now that's good news. For you AND your family, although they may not understand enough to appreciate it just yet. Ride the wave, baby....and hang ten all the way. (Trying to do a better job of keeping my metaphors from mixing so I don't get provoke another "danger danger Roy Orbison" from willing! :)
Wooohooo! :)
Trish
Wooohooo! :)
Trish
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It's harder to be a caregiver than we realize. We are the ones with the shakes, the skin with ants crawling around on it, the ones who can't get enough air to walk to the mailbox...or stand up in the shower, and yet THEY are the ones angry and resentful???
well yes, but there are reasons. they love you, and they are going through the stages of grief. They don't want to lose you or see you sick, they are scared...for you and for themselves....they will have to process their anger, their bargaining with God, etc...and fnally get hopefully through grieving and come full circle...full circle is a return to love, to acceptance, to caring. If you look up the stages of grief, you will see how we process death and disease. Sometimes folks don't process, they get stuck in the forst stages and never make it past them...they need help.
we are expecting our families to be OK but not all folks can be on their own. Even ones with faith in God can get anxious for us. Have you thought of trying to get your hubby or daughter to see someone?? Be it a pastor or a psychologist I think it's worth a try.
the psychologist really helped my husband, and he was getting very ansy...there's just a lot of stress..on top of which I got so messed up I could stand up to even cook, much less shop. Very tired. For a lot of men, that is a real issue if they've never done it.
for your daughter it just sounds like she has her own life, and doesn't like having to be inserted into yours.I've seen more than one young woman melt down when expected to return the love that was freely given to them for years. If she can't handle it, let her go...the resentment isn't worth it.
If push comes to shove you can get help for what she does. And my six year old learned to cook his own oatmeal and a whole host of other things. They can be really grown up when the need arises.
It might help you to make sure and get on Epogen if your HB goes low...and it might help to show your husband a list of the common symptoms of treatment, and of oxygen deprivation. Perhaps he's be a little more understanding if he saw that list in print.
Anyway, keep your chin up, this too shall pass.