Aa
Feel so alone in this nightmare HELP
Hello all it's me Denise back again. last weds was shot 7. I am on AD effexor, was working until lately. My problem... I am so emotional and my family just doesn't get it. My husband is so nasty and critical of me. Can't come home from work without saying something to hurt me. My daughter (26) is here "helping" til end of month. She's been here for 2 mnths. She wakes up nasty to me. I disgust her. I'm a bad mother, etc... all the while I want to scream but I have to try to keep the peace because of my 6 yr old son. I have a very disfunctional family. I'm loosing it. Why can't my family just try to keep me calm and understand that my head is so messed up right now. If I ask for help with something it's like I'm asking for an arm or I am lazy/or exagerating. So much more to tell. I don't know where to turn. No one understands. I'm so tired, I can't sleep, MY family gets me so worked up I have shaking panic attacks. Doc also gave me klonopin for panic attacks. Not really helping. On top of it I'm going thru pre-mentalpause, ra factor over 500, lower back, hands & shoulder hurt and have limited mobility, have rumatolosist app tues. Also have neutropenia. potasium low. Red cells are still good though! Sorry for rambling. My parents are gone my family can't stand me. I want to do this for my son! Yes I know everyone goes thru crap during tx. But I have no one. :(
My heart goes out to you denigreg. It is so important right now to have the support you need.
I will keep you in my prayers that you get some emotional relief and care. Yes, if your husband and daughter would be willing to read some of the posts. I have printed out several threads for my family to read. I know they dont understand what is really going on. It is unfortunate to have to spell it out for them. Ive heard it said, If your walking thru hell, keep on walking!
I will keep you in my prayers that you get some emotional relief and care. Yes, if your husband and daughter would be willing to read some of the posts. I have printed out several threads for my family to read. I know they dont understand what is really going on. It is unfortunate to have to spell it out for them. Ive heard it said, If your walking thru hell, keep on walking!
I can't imagine having to deal with all this crap while on tx. Did this all change after you began treatment? I agree with Lynda, take the kid and go and vacation and leave them a note that you'll be back whenever or lock yourself in your bedroom with a bunch of food, refrigerator and tv and don't come out until it's over.
I hope things improve for you,
Dave
I hope things improve for you,
Dave
Some days its challenging to keep the emotions and anger in check. I expect my wife to recognize when I'm having a bad day and feel I shouldn't have to explain since she knows what I'm going through. She really has no way to know how I actually feel day to day, since my appearance doesn't change much. I've realized that I really do need to let her know I'm having a rough time as much as I don't like to explain it.
I can't imagine going through trt without the support at home. If at all possible, maybe your husband and daughter can attend your next drs appt and hear it from the doc how important family support will help you through trt.
Keep up the good work and moving forward.
I can't imagine going through trt without the support at home. If at all possible, maybe your husband and daughter can attend your next drs appt and hear it from the doc how important family support will help you through trt.
Keep up the good work and moving forward.
Sorry to hear you're going thru such a rough patch. It will pass, but I know that's small comfort when you're in the thick of things. Thinking back to my tx, it takes a bit ( or A LOT) of self centeredness to get thru tx - and I mean that in a good way - focusing on getting healthy and letting the other stuff slide - ya gotta. Harder when you have dependent children, I can only imagine. The edginess that's enhanced by the tx meds doesn't help either, but so talk to your Dr. if the AD meds you're on currently are not working. If you can carve out a little niche for yourself for the toughest times, even if it's the bathroom where you can take a couple of deep breaths, splash some cool water on your face, center and balance.
Sad thing is, most people cannot understand what we're going through - not an excuse for being a-holes, but it's just the way it is. You will find inner strengths that you never knew you had - if you're open to them. I think there's a pretty good post in the health pages by a former member named Meki that you might want to read and maybe print for your family to read to help understand tx. Take a look......
Hang in there and mentally tell everyone that's hassling you to *** off and keep on truckin'
You really are the one in control here and you've got a bunch of here for support.
Pam
Sad thing is, most people cannot understand what we're going through - not an excuse for being a-holes, but it's just the way it is. You will find inner strengths that you never knew you had - if you're open to them. I think there's a pretty good post in the health pages by a former member named Meki that you might want to read and maybe print for your family to read to help understand tx. Take a look......
Hang in there and mentally tell everyone that's hassling you to *** off and keep on truckin'
You really are the one in control here and you've got a bunch of here for support.
Pam
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It's harder to be a caregiver than we realize. We are the ones with the shakes, the skin with ants crawling around on it, the ones who can't get enough air to walk to the mailbox...or stand up in the shower, and yet THEY are the ones angry and resentful???
well yes, but there are reasons. they love you, and they are going through the stages of grief. They don't want to lose you or see you sick, they are scared...for you and for themselves....they will have to process their anger, their bargaining with God, etc...and fnally get hopefully through grieving and come full circle...full circle is a return to love, to acceptance, to caring. If you look up the stages of grief, you will see how we process death and disease. Sometimes folks don't process, they get stuck in the forst stages and never make it past them...they need help.
we are expecting our families to be OK but not all folks can be on their own. Even ones with faith in God can get anxious for us. Have you thought of trying to get your hubby or daughter to see someone?? Be it a pastor or a psychologist I think it's worth a try.
the psychologist really helped my husband, and he was getting very ansy...there's just a lot of stress..on top of which I got so messed up I could stand up to even cook, much less shop. Very tired. For a lot of men, that is a real issue if they've never done it.
for your daughter it just sounds like she has her own life, and doesn't like having to be inserted into yours.I've seen more than one young woman melt down when expected to return the love that was freely given to them for years. If she can't handle it, let her go...the resentment isn't worth it.
If push comes to shove you can get help for what she does. And my six year old learned to cook his own oatmeal and a whole host of other things. They can be really grown up when the need arises.
It might help you to make sure and get on Epogen if your HB goes low...and it might help to show your husband a list of the common symptoms of treatment, and of oxygen deprivation. Perhaps he's be a little more understanding if he saw that list in print.
Anyway, keep your chin up, this too shall pass.