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Do you have one person that controls money in your relationship?
I work with a man that is constantly talking of not having money because his wife manages their budget. He is allowed to have $20.00 per week in cash, but has to account for each and every dollar spent.
It's Friday and normally, a lady in my office and I go grab a burger or something and visit - on Fridays. It's usually no more than $5.00-$6.00. He's new and we have invited him to lunch on a few occasions and as long as we paid - he would go. He just told us that he has the money to go but his wife didn't TELL him he could use his $5.00 today. I asked him if he didn't have a debit card and he said, Yes, but I am not allowed to use it. He was actually counting change to see if he could get an order of fries when she and I went!
Granted he was out of work for a couple of months, but we just found out that (he told us) that he received 6 months salary when he was laid off. This isn't someone making $6.50 an hour - I do the payroll and know what he makes and it's definitely not a nominal amount. He has also mentioned that he doesn't have any large bills - 1 car payment - small house payment (under $700 a month) - his mother buys his family their clothes - his wife works.... nothing unusual (OH and NO credit cards)....why he shard that is beyond me....
I understand the need to save money,especially in today's economy, but he is always talking of savings, etc. and now he mentions that he isn't ALLOWED to spend money, as little as $5.00. I have read all of the Dave Ramsey, and I get it....but even Dave Ramsey allows for SOME use of cash. I just can't imagine being a 41 year old - professional person - who isn't allowed to spend $5.00!
Is that a normal (and as I told him - if it works, good for you), way to handle finances in a relationship? My husband and I budget, but we have an amount that we are comfortable to spend without accounting to each other - at least for lunch once a week.
What is your opinion?
It's Friday and normally, a lady in my office and I go grab a burger or something and visit - on Fridays. It's usually no more than $5.00-$6.00. He's new and we have invited him to lunch on a few occasions and as long as we paid - he would go. He just told us that he has the money to go but his wife didn't TELL him he could use his $5.00 today. I asked him if he didn't have a debit card and he said, Yes, but I am not allowed to use it. He was actually counting change to see if he could get an order of fries when she and I went!
Granted he was out of work for a couple of months, but we just found out that (he told us) that he received 6 months salary when he was laid off. This isn't someone making $6.50 an hour - I do the payroll and know what he makes and it's definitely not a nominal amount. He has also mentioned that he doesn't have any large bills - 1 car payment - small house payment (under $700 a month) - his mother buys his family their clothes - his wife works.... nothing unusual (OH and NO credit cards)....why he shard that is beyond me....
I understand the need to save money,especially in today's economy, but he is always talking of savings, etc. and now he mentions that he isn't ALLOWED to spend money, as little as $5.00. I have read all of the Dave Ramsey, and I get it....but even Dave Ramsey allows for SOME use of cash. I just can't imagine being a 41 year old - professional person - who isn't allowed to spend $5.00!
Is that a normal (and as I told him - if it works, good for you), way to handle finances in a relationship? My husband and I budget, but we have an amount that we are comfortable to spend without accounting to each other - at least for lunch once a week.
What is your opinion?
Uh...I'm I the only one who noticed his mom is buying the family clothes?? Sounds like maybe he's used to having the women in his life do everything for him...and he likes it. He probably has some "manly" complex and realizes it's not the norm for your wife to allot you money so he lies and makes you feel sorry for him...
Anyway, who knows, it does sound a bit odd.
Anyway, who knows, it does sound a bit odd.
I just thought of something else too. There's no way to know the whole situation. What if he's a recovering addict so his wife wants to make sure his money isn't going to support the habit. There could be a lot of reasons for their set-up, not necessarily abuse.
I have an opinion on this one but dare not say it.............
I recognize this guy as martyr material!! "Oh woe is Me"!! "How sorry can I get you to feel for me?"
There are several scenarios for this guy, but of course without knowing all the circumstances, it's impossible to say:
1) He might not like that he has to ask for permission to spend $5.00, but wants to appear "brow beaten" so the new ladies at work will feel sorry for him.
2) Then on the other hand - he might actually enjoy the idea that she's the boss, but still likes the idea that the ladies feel sorry for him.
3) Everything he's telling you might be a lie, but he enjoys the idea that you think he's the "underdog" and likes that you might feel sorry for him.
4) Maybe SHE abuses him. If that's the case, and he doesn't have the "umph" to get out of the relationship; or he stays in it so people will feel sorry for him.
No matter how you slice it, he enjoys having you feel sorry for him or think he's mysterious.
There are several scenarios for this guy, but of course without knowing all the circumstances, it's impossible to say:
1) He might not like that he has to ask for permission to spend $5.00, but wants to appear "brow beaten" so the new ladies at work will feel sorry for him.
2) Then on the other hand - he might actually enjoy the idea that she's the boss, but still likes the idea that the ladies feel sorry for him.
3) Everything he's telling you might be a lie, but he enjoys the idea that you think he's the "underdog" and likes that you might feel sorry for him.
4) Maybe SHE abuses him. If that's the case, and he doesn't have the "umph" to get out of the relationship; or he stays in it so people will feel sorry for him.
No matter how you slice it, he enjoys having you feel sorry for him or think he's mysterious.
WOW!!!! as I was reading all the comments I was thinking exactly what you wrote. so now I dont have to type all that I feel the exact same way barb135 feeels
I used to completely control the money, Joe didn't ever see his paychecks they went directly into my account and I would give him money if he asked but only if I KNEW what he was spending it on. The reason for that is that Joe was a drug addict so I had to in order to make sure he didn't blow all our money. Now that he is a recovering addict for going on 2 years I can trust him.
I also agree with Barbs views on this.
I also agree with Barbs views on this.
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