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FORGIVENESS...where do you stand??
Forgiveness...where do you stand on forgiveness, what do you forgive, is there anything that you cannot forgive??? Do we have to forgive everyone in order to get forgiveness ourselves?? I have struggled with this issue for a very long time, and I have even searched on the internet for "how to" forgive, sort of a step by step instruction guide...everyone talks about forgiveness, but, no one really tells you how to do it...any thoughts???
Thanks Cherie762, and others. Maybe it's a process. I'm not quite there yet, but overall feel better and less bothered than I did a while ago. Part of it is I am a very sensitive person. I may not even think about things all the time, but a trigger thought occurs then I may feel upset all of a sudden. It can be little things that weren't intentional or it can be any time I have to deal with rudeness, intentional or not. Dealing with rudeness is one of my struggles. I guess we each cope with it differently. I tend to take it inward.
Forgiving rude people is something that I need help with. Just knowing that we all make mistakes, and we all appear rude to someone or another at some time, doesn't seem to change the emotion I may feel in a period of upset. On a more positive note I like to believe whatever wisdom" or "wise" thoughts that come out of each event helps prepare us for future upsets.
I guess out of it I'm learning I can speak more openly when I am offended. That doesn't mean insulting whoever, but just saying that I find whatever stated as hurtful and offensive at the time it's spoken. If I can remember to say that right off the bat, rather than incubating or playing "passivly nice" (by denying the upset emotions to prevent conflict), maybe I can head off future unintended upsets and overall making things easier for myself to move on. Self forgiveness is also hard for me. I tend to beat myself over the head for not speaking up at times I should, or vise vera, speaking up at times I should have kept my mouth shut....
Forgiving rude people is something that I need help with. Just knowing that we all make mistakes, and we all appear rude to someone or another at some time, doesn't seem to change the emotion I may feel in a period of upset. On a more positive note I like to believe whatever wisdom" or "wise" thoughts that come out of each event helps prepare us for future upsets.
I guess out of it I'm learning I can speak more openly when I am offended. That doesn't mean insulting whoever, but just saying that I find whatever stated as hurtful and offensive at the time it's spoken. If I can remember to say that right off the bat, rather than incubating or playing "passivly nice" (by denying the upset emotions to prevent conflict), maybe I can head off future unintended upsets and overall making things easier for myself to move on. Self forgiveness is also hard for me. I tend to beat myself over the head for not speaking up at times I should, or vise vera, speaking up at times I should have kept my mouth shut....
thanks i will say i cant forgive them ..not yet !!,...but you never know some day i might
oh! did i just say that ,.;)....thanks again joycekatherine,.,.....
oh! did i just say that ,.;)....thanks again joycekatherine,.,.....
Wolfie, I am glad you like the thread. I like to bring up subjects that I have a problem with in hopes of being inspired by one of you. In the Mohawk ceremony for letting go, I would think that it covers All areas of letting go of anything that is throwing your harmony off, upsetting the balance between you, God and nature and perhaps, dirtying up your essence or soul...just my thoughts...
MJ, ahhhhhh, another kindred spirit...you took the words right out of my mouth!!
April, I appreciate your thoughts on forgiveness and while there are some who never see the bad in themselves, most of us, who truly get down and dirty honest, even if it is just within ourselves, know when we have done or said something wrong or hurtful to someone else...
Teko, couldn't have said it better myself...loved your interpretation!
Bon Bon, I am very happy for you, that you have conquered forgiveness so well...Blessing right back atcha & thank you
Star641, of course, you have our prayers, many of us are parents and also are animal lovers....and again, I understand your being unable to fully forgive, I am in the same boat, but, because God is forgiving, I think he will forgive us for our human failings and maybe someday we will both be able to let it all go and know the peace of forgiving. I do believe that forgiveness is truly for our sakes,but, for some, it just gets all jumbled up with all the hurt and pain and we can't see our way out of it! If you can, when you speak about your hurt feelings, try to say, "I can't forgive them....Yet."
Just allowing the possibility, of complete forgiveness, to roll around in your thoughts and become something familiar...I find it helps me to do that...in the meantime, I understand...
MJ, ahhhhhh, another kindred spirit...you took the words right out of my mouth!!
April, I appreciate your thoughts on forgiveness and while there are some who never see the bad in themselves, most of us, who truly get down and dirty honest, even if it is just within ourselves, know when we have done or said something wrong or hurtful to someone else...
Teko, couldn't have said it better myself...loved your interpretation!
Bon Bon, I am very happy for you, that you have conquered forgiveness so well...Blessing right back atcha & thank you
Star641, of course, you have our prayers, many of us are parents and also are animal lovers....and again, I understand your being unable to fully forgive, I am in the same boat, but, because God is forgiving, I think he will forgive us for our human failings and maybe someday we will both be able to let it all go and know the peace of forgiving. I do believe that forgiveness is truly for our sakes,but, for some, it just gets all jumbled up with all the hurt and pain and we can't see our way out of it! If you can, when you speak about your hurt feelings, try to say, "I can't forgive them....Yet."
Just allowing the possibility, of complete forgiveness, to roll around in your thoughts and become something familiar...I find it helps me to do that...in the meantime, I understand...
thank you joyce for understanding me its nice to knoe someone out there understands me ,....as Ive said these two people not hurt me so much but they did it after my daughter died ,...my son died before my daughter so i was hurting so much as it was
but they thought they would hurt me even more ,...im sorry but no i can never forgive them ,......im am sorry for all the pain and hurt you had through your life and i do hope
you find some peace ,.......
now my sons little jack Russell is missing more pain and hurt in my family ,
my son is so upset now ,we have looked everywhere for him ,...
i think he was robbed from my back yard ,...it is 12 pm now and my husband and my son is still looking for him ,...
i got this little dog for my son after my daughter died and he has been great compey for him ,.my son loves him to bits ,......i will ask god to help us find him for my son and i would like to ask everyone here will they do the same for my son ,......
thank you ,........
but they thought they would hurt me even more ,...im sorry but no i can never forgive them ,......im am sorry for all the pain and hurt you had through your life and i do hope
you find some peace ,.......
now my sons little jack Russell is missing more pain and hurt in my family ,
my son is so upset now ,we have looked everywhere for him ,...
i think he was robbed from my back yard ,...it is 12 pm now and my husband and my son is still looking for him ,...
i got this little dog for my son after my daughter died and he has been great compey for him ,.my son loves him to bits ,......i will ask god to help us find him for my son and i would like to ask everyone here will they do the same for my son ,......
thank you ,........
The very moment I've made my decision to forgive, that means I will not bring up the transgression that was made against me ever again to that person; nor, to any one else. It's voided, removed from my vocabulary, as far as the east is from the west, for all of eternity.
Having the "memory" of the transgression, the hurt, pain, etc. is the "experience" of my being on the receiving end of wrong-doing (cause and effect).
When I choose to "Forgive" another's transgression, I'm making a conscience choice not to hold it against them. I am choosing, 'not to collect from them on that dept', so to speak on my behalf. In other words, I have choosen to "sacrifice" all the hurt and pain. Nonetheless, the memories, hurt and pain may linger, but, I will no longer use it against them.
This is what I keep in mind. It helps me considerably with the issue of forgiveness:
When the day comes when I stand before GOD, how do I want HIM to forgive me? Do I want Him to hash it over for awhile in his mind about all the pain I caused HIM with my horrible transgressions and go around talking to everyone HE knows about what to do about it? Do I want HIM to think it over for a few days, months, years, eternity? Do I want HIM to tell me HE just can't "deal" with that, it hurts too bad!!? Do I want HIM to tell me I have to pay for what I did and after it is paid then I can get set free; but, only if it's to HIS satisfaction. Well, all I can say, is I could never repay to HIS satisfaction for all of my own transgressions against HIM. But, he loved me so much that HE sacraficed HIS perfect SON - Chirst Jesus, for me, all HIS hurt and pain, never bringing up (remembering) my transgressions against me again. Leaving my transgressions as far as the east is from the west! Is God's memory poor that HE doesn't "remember" things for long, of course not! It means, HE will not bring it up anymore! HIS son paid my dept in full, over and beyond, because I never had enough to pay it in full myself. For that, I am forever and eternaly gratetful. And it also helps "me" to remember to forgive others myself and very quickly!
Blessings and Pleasant thoughts to you.
Having the "memory" of the transgression, the hurt, pain, etc. is the "experience" of my being on the receiving end of wrong-doing (cause and effect).
When I choose to "Forgive" another's transgression, I'm making a conscience choice not to hold it against them. I am choosing, 'not to collect from them on that dept', so to speak on my behalf. In other words, I have choosen to "sacrifice" all the hurt and pain. Nonetheless, the memories, hurt and pain may linger, but, I will no longer use it against them.
This is what I keep in mind. It helps me considerably with the issue of forgiveness:
When the day comes when I stand before GOD, how do I want HIM to forgive me? Do I want Him to hash it over for awhile in his mind about all the pain I caused HIM with my horrible transgressions and go around talking to everyone HE knows about what to do about it? Do I want HIM to think it over for a few days, months, years, eternity? Do I want HIM to tell me HE just can't "deal" with that, it hurts too bad!!? Do I want HIM to tell me I have to pay for what I did and after it is paid then I can get set free; but, only if it's to HIS satisfaction. Well, all I can say, is I could never repay to HIS satisfaction for all of my own transgressions against HIM. But, he loved me so much that HE sacraficed HIS perfect SON - Chirst Jesus, for me, all HIS hurt and pain, never bringing up (remembering) my transgressions against me again. Leaving my transgressions as far as the east is from the west! Is God's memory poor that HE doesn't "remember" things for long, of course not! It means, HE will not bring it up anymore! HIS son paid my dept in full, over and beyond, because I never had enough to pay it in full myself. For that, I am forever and eternaly gratetful. And it also helps "me" to remember to forgive others myself and very quickly!
Blessings and Pleasant thoughts to you.
I also wonder how Native people "forgive" the collective wrongs that were done to us. Blaming does no good. Forgiveness - can there be a collective forgiveness or do each of us as individual Native people have to "let go" of the anger. There is a letting go ceremony among the Mohawks but I don't know if it pertains to what happened to us historically.
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