How to handle a boyfriend with paranoid schizophrenia

[crazychick1120]

My boyfriend just told me that he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.I knrw that he had something but i couldn't figure it out. I don't know much about the condition but i have researched and found that anger is a part of it. Now I've been with him over a year and he has always been jealous. I would like to know how likely is it that he'll become abusive? He also doesn't take his meds because he doesn't like how they make him feel, can he lead a functioning life without them? He also wants to know what are the chances that his daughter and our future kids will have it? Should I be concerned, and is there anyway to "handle" (for lack of a better word) him when he gets in his angry moods. And how should i respond when he talks about his delusions. He tells me so i can understand and I feel really bad because all I do is sit there quietly because I don't know what to say and I truthfully don't understand because I don't experience them. I love him and want to stand by his side. So what are any tips you can give me on being with someone with this conditions. Are there things i should avoid talking about? I just wanna be supportive for him.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Was a good suggestion with the music thing.  I find I have to actually listen to like sad music if I feel sad to get it all out so to speak rather than listening to like happy music, that just gets on my nerves is all it accomplishes but everyone is different and this might not be true for him.  I have problems with anger and if I have something I'm particularly angry about I write a rant on my website or in a journal entry on here, sometimes a post if I get to rambling, so I don't take it out on anyone in full force specifically and it's still there so people can "listen" and can be entertaining to them anyway with how I make it all sound fanciful or break my own writing at least on my webpage.  Like the other people said, you wanting to keep supporting him even with how difficult this can be shows how much you love him and is good, he is lucky to have you.

[crazychick1120]

Thank you all for your great advice. I do love him very much and we've been at it for over a year but he just recently, this week, told me about this. I'm excited to say that he's so open with me about it now. Don't get me wrong its not always the topic of discussion but he tells me how he's feeling now and I think him opening up to me has brought us closer then close. Today he did have a bad moment that I kinda drew a blank with. Apparently some people made him mad and it happened really quickly. (He told me over the phone.) All i could tell him was to try not to let other steal his joy and upset him so easily. He said that he didn't know how to control it. So I suggested that he get an iPod so he can go into another world of music and ignore the outside world. He wasn't sure if e could do it. This is a method that I personally use to calm me. Do you guys think that was a good suggestion? does anyone know anyways that he can calm himself down?
P.S he wasn't angry long after being on the phone a while and i made him laugh. so I'm happy that I can help him get thru it.

[drifter0213]

that's good that you want to support him......shows you love him

[bluetray1]

When someone wants to discuss what they're experiencing it's a sign that they need to get it out and I would try as hard as I can to really put yourself in his shoes.
He apparently wants you to try and understand what he's feeling and experiencing.
Some don't want to discuss what's going on especially with doctors or therapists, but when they want to; really try to be supportive and understanding because this is very important to him; he wants you to somehow know and you can continue to be supportive and empathize.
I will say that as far as meds go to discuss this with him in time because many do function after learning coping strategies which can be done and has been done by many.
Violence is not acceptable though so do keep a close eye on this and I hope you are sure about a very involved relationship with him because this isn't something that get's solved over night; it's on going.
Listen to him, believe him, understand and support him.
Again, most don't want to discuss because it seems to make people feel worse, but i think it's a good sign that he wants to discuss it with you; he can also perhaps in the future discuss all with a therapist or caring professional...
Meds can make one feel very strange and weird to say the least, but they can't be ruled out either; there are so many types of meds to treat the symptoms he's expereincing and keep this in mind also.
Good Luck To You Both and Best Wishes....

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say as a person who has made a basic recovery from schizoaffective disorder (read through my posts) to think of him in most ways like anyone else but as a person with a psychiatric disability. What is important is to understand normal emotional difficulties in a relationship such as jealousy and irrational feelings he has that may vary and should be mitagated by treatment such as paranoia. As well you should discuss with him any emotional trigger points he has so you can work around them and set up accomodations. You should understand when treatment works his perception of the world may be very much the same as yours but when it doesn't his reality testing may begin to drop. I could make some general suggestions but it all depends on how functional he is and how he responds to treatment but specific symptoms aside you should think of him as to who he is a person first, symptoms aside as I always found that I encountered this problem before I responded to treatment and could not express myself as well.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Um it depends on the person really, not everyone with it will be abusive or violent, especially when on treatment but it's hard telling.  If he starts being abusive you need to nip it in the bud immediately before it gets out of hand.  I don't know if he can lead a functioning life or not, John Forbes Nash Jr. stopped taking all meds and has been diagnosed with the same disease and he is doing just fine today while someone like me after having to go through cold turkey withdrawal and my body readjusted to a non-medicated state, I relapsed but I'm so violent while not medicated I fall asleep while walking.  Sarcasm aside in that last sentence, I'm not violent at all.  I think the chances of a person developing it with one parent are either 5 or 10%, I can't remember and can't find the page on www.schizophrenia.com but even people with no genetic history of it still have a 1% chance of developing it since 1 out of every 100 people have it.  He can try taking his anger out in non-harmful ways like screaming into a pillow or punching it or if his meds make him not as angry he should consider taking them, he can always try switching to another antipsychotic if he doesn't like the one he's on, there are quite a few options in that category.  It's best not to argue with a person's delusions, it usually gets you nowhere.  It would depend on the content of the delusion as to what you should say if you just want to talk with him through them.  Best to avoid talking about things which are triggers for him if possible.