Jan

[cirella]

Hi All,
I started this this AM and have updated it.  I decided to just leave it the way I wrote it originally and you'll see the edit.
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Whew boy...I don't really post too much anymore and it is killing me to come here now to post this.  I don't have a lot of information but will be speaking to Lisa later today.  Lisa told me that Hospice is setting Jan up today.  I am very scared and part of me wants to run and not find out the truth but that won't happen.  What I wanted to do today is ask that those of you who know Jan, will you please post some thoughts so that Lisa can give them to Jan?  I want her to know just how deeply she is loved and missed on this forum.  Thank you.  I will start.
**edit**  Lisa said that Hospice has set up a bed downstairs for Jan.  At this time, they are trying to get her pain regulated.  It sounds like she's either over medicated and sleeping or awake and in pain.  I really hope they can get that to a point where she can be as comfortable as can be without sleeping all the time.  It sounds as if she has a blockage of some sort.

All who know Jan knows that she is a fighter.  I know she is fighting her hardest right now and will continue to do so.  I want her to fight with all her might but I also want her to realize that it's OK if she just cannot fight any longer.  I pray that the Lord holds Jan and her family closely to him.  I pray that Jan feels the love and comfort of her Father.  Lord, I ask you to cast out fear if there is any and replace it with peace.  This is my prayer for Jan, her family and all of us.  I know that I am afraid, mad, sad.  I don't want to lose my friend but I also don't want her to be in pain any longer.  I'd better stop now but I could go on and on...**end edit**

My Dear Buddy, Jan,
I can hardly choke this out.  I feel that all through our friendship I have tried to think about anything but today.  I've wanted to give you a normal friendship, knowing that we met on an ovarian cancer site but still...   I came on here with questions, like anyone else.  I felt a little guilty for blabbering my stuff when there were women on here dealing with their cancer when I was in limbo-land.  You drew me out, got me talking and our friendship formed.

In the short time we've known each other there have been some kind of wild and strange things happen on this forum.  Some have hurt me as I am sure you have been affected by the fakes but the difference between us is that you see people in such a unique way.  Maybe that's the lawyer in you?  You have been able to come back here and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.  You see people for who they are and you certainly call em like you see em.  I LOVE that about you.  That quality is so child-like and pure and if we all took the time to really listen to our gut like you do it would sure as h*ll cut out a lot of the bull.  If I do answer a post I usually ask myself...what would Jan say to this person?  Then I temper it down a little...LOL  ; )   No, really though, you have a way of telling the truth even if it may not be what someone wants to hear.  It may not be what they want to hear but it may be what they need to hear.

I know for a fact that you have helped many women here.  The forum hasn't been the same since you've been gone.  So many of the "old timers" aren't around much.  We've lost too many to death and some have gone off to other forums.  I'm so very thankful that we have kept in touch and I'm mostly thankful that we got to meet last year.  To put your beautiful face and tiny body together with your ferocious, huge, loving, giving and honest heart was something I will treasure forever.  I remember I kept asking you if you were OK.  Finally you said, "Lori, you haven't been around a lot of cancer patients, have you?"  LOL  The answer was NO and I guess it showed.  LOL  Not sure why that makes me chuckle but it does.

You are one person who sees beauty around you.  You nurture.  You care.  You live and love.  And, I love you.
L

[dian07]

I am not looking to upset anyone here, so please hear this with my intended positive tones.
The Jan I came to know would want us to celebrate her life....not wilt and wither.  You all talk here of her "spirit" and spunk and describe her as "fiery" .  It is sad she is passing from this realm to the next...... leaving many who love and care for her behind.......but the world is better for having her here for her short lifetime.  She is a bundle of hugely powerful energy that will definately continue to exist in many ways!  She is not going to cease to exist....her energy is everywhere!  She is a powerful soul following her own path......when she is ready to say good-bye she will....until then, she continues to let everyone know who's boss!
I hope I haven't upset anyone.  If I have, please accept my most sincere apology.
Peace.
dian

[Sandymac]

Lisa,
    It's just gorgeous here in Florida too .. while walking I wondered "Maybe it's gorgeous wherever Jan "is"..Because I know she's still with us all in spirit .. I just pray that her suffering ends soon.. ..
    Lisa, thank you so much for allowing us to be a part of Jan's final hours.

Much love,
Sandy

[ladyjogger31]

Praying for strength and peace for all of you, especially Jan right now.May the Lord wrap his arms around her and take her safely home.
Love, Terry

[crecco]

Lisa,
   Like so many others here, the last few days have been spent back and forth at the computer, waiting and watching for news of Jan, and crying each time. And like Becky I cannot help remembering how mad she was watching Donna slowly leave. I know that Jan would never have wanted it to be like this. Unfortunately even though we may be ready to let go, it will only happen when God is ready.
  I had to smile though when you spoke of the catheter because you are so right, Jan would have kicked your butts right into tomorrow, and probably would have removed it herself.
  We are all praying with you. Not for Jan to be gone, but for her to go as quicky and painlessly as possible. It would not be fair of us to pray that she does not go yet because the time has come for her to be free of this disease, to be happy again, and in a place where there is no cancer.
  It is a beautiful day here also and you are right, Today would be a beautiful day to die. I know that if it were in her hands, Jan would have wanted to go quickly. She would not have wanted us to endure the pain of watching her go slowly. Yes Jan is a true warrior and will always remain so in our eyes. I know that when she is finally at peace, she will be watching over us, we will all have a guardian angel by the name of Jan.
  Hon I can only imagine how hard this is on you. You are the rock holding everyone together right now. So please take care of yourself too. Make sure that you are getting some rest. Also let Cory know that we are there for him. He has been a wonderful husband to Jan and been right by her side every step of the way. May God bless him and continue to give him the strength to get through this.
  I include my prayers that this will all be over soon for our dear Jan. She has fought hard and now deserves some peace and happiness. May she soon enter the beautiful gardens that God has waiting there for her.
  Love Chris

[TrudieC]

I found this on line and thought it was very fitting for Jan.  It is from Somethingtoshare.com and the author is Jill Lemming.

Far from this earthly place,
there lies a world beyond...
a place where special people go to rest

A garden, filled with flowers,
"God's favorite bouquet"...
I know that God has picked the very best

My dear Jan, I pray you are relieved of your earthly pain and that you go to this wondrous garden.  

Thank you so much Lisa.  My love to you and your family, Trudie

[ireneo]

I keep checking for news but with fear in my heart. This brings back so many memories from my time with my Dad. I remember the fatigue, the worry, the tears. And yet you don't want to miss a moment with the person you love. I want to hold you all so tightly in my arms and make it easier some how.

I just posted a poem that was given to us during that time. It's not depressing but hopeful. I read it so many times before and after my Dad's death. Perhaps someone else can read it first and see if they agree with me. I don't want to add to your pain.

Love and hugs and so much more,  irene