Hello all, thank you for reading this.
Where and how do I even start... it is so hard to put into words what I'm trying to say...
Something happened to me a year and an half ago.
I am so ashamed of the way I behaved afterwards. I became completely cut off from everyone and stopped talking to all my friends. I felt so angry with myself, and everything and I just didn't want to be around anyone since I knew I was not myself. A year later, I left everything and moved across the country just to be away from anything near where "the event" happened. Looking back now, I see that the "event" was just that, something that happened. Bad things happen, that's life. I have accepted the event now and am moving on. But what I can't get over is how horrible I WAS to people who had nothing to do with what happened and who cared about me. I left them all, with no explanation...I just disappeared. There was one person from whom I really cared (he knew little of what was going on since I didn't tell him). I know now that my just disappearing caused harm to him as he spent months questioning and blaming himself for why I never contacted him again. Causing someone that type of mental self doubt is a horrible thing to do and I was wrong to do that to anyone. But, I don't know how to explain it... I was having such nightmares, crying all the time, and I became too selfish to think of anyone else at all.
How do I ever make ammends now? To anyone. What happened to me is wrong, yes, but what I did to others is also wrong. I am so eternally sorry that I hurt any of these people. I don't need their forgiveness for myself, I just want to repair the harm I did and let them to understand that it was nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.
It has been so long now, how can I do this? Is it possible?
Sorry this is so rambling.
Thank you for any advice you have.
Wishing you all well,
Sarah