I feel dead

[Delusion]

Febuary 2008 i was chased and almost caught by 3 youths trying to kill me for simple fun. 14 months on now i still cant go out on my own and i get panic attacks when im outside at night even when im with a group of friends, i have to take taxis everywhere or beg friends for car lifts.

I am in a number of ways glad i was attacked even though it has screwed up my life beyond comprehension. I used to walk around at night in the early hours 4am at times on my own because i found it so relaxing, i am a long term alcoholic i used to go out a lot drinking often on my own often on the streets, i am in no way a violent person i never cause any trouble i just kept to myself.

Its been so hard because my life has changed i cant step outside my front door meaning i stay inside for weeks or months on end coupled with the fact i have alcoholism and possible bipolar diagnosis from way before the attack its just making my life un livable anymore, ive felt dead for so long im just existing.

I still get nightmares and flashbacks the memories also manifest themselves in auditory and visual hallucinations which are also things ive suffered from most of my life prior to the attack.

I have PTSD and there is no denying that, i dont know what to do.

[margypops]

I am so sorry this attack happened to you,perhaps would be a good idea to get help by seeing your Doctor he will help you get your alcohol under control, you will need help from a counselor /therapist for the other symptoms you are experiencing, The panic attacks and anxiety are probably from the attack ,definatly get some help this is too hard for you to cope with alone. Have you any family around you can go and talk to, someone to communicate with, you say you have friends perhaps a good start there. There are many positive ways to spend you time how about you join a sports club or something similar ,fill your life with positive actions, stay away from Pubs /clubs with the alcohol .this will only contribute to the drinking problem that can be making the panic /anxiety worse, Good Luck let us know how you are doing ,you have made a first step coming to talk here.