Sleeping with 14 year old son, appropiate or not?

[a_few_queries]

Hello, I just have a question pertaining to my GF and her 14 year old son. She has been a single Mom for half of her son's life and then got married when the boy was at age seven (Her ex-husband was not his biological father). Obviously she has now gotten a divorce and we met early on in her seperation from her ex-husband (alittle over a year ago). I have noticed that on occassion her 14 year old boy sleeps with her whenever I'm not there (I work nights four days out of a week) and recently - in the last week or two - this behavior has somewhat increased. He has slept with her probably three or four nights that I haven't been there over that time frame. I feel uncomfortable with that situation occurring, mainly because of the child's age but also because neither one of them (especially my GF) seem uncomfortable with it. Furthering more background to this is the fact that the boy is more sexualized for his age then some other kids that I know in his age group. Also in her previous relationship with her ex-husband, the boy would try and sleep together with them and be forced by the ex-husband to sleep on the floor in their bedroom, right up until the boy was roughly 12-13 years old, when finally he slept in his own room. Finally, my GF did confide in me that one night last summer, he did enter her (our) room and tried to "imitate" me while she was sleeping - talking in a low voice, calling her by her name rather than as just "Mom" and some other things that I did find disturbing. I feel that I'm not over-reacting to this and I haven't brought it up with her yet, but feel that maybe alittle honest feedback would help me before I decide on what my next action should or shouldn't be.

[realityspeaks]

If you know whats best you will do like the previous stepdad did and leave now. I would be willing to bet that was the main reason they separated. It will only get worse and you will only learn more about their relationship. While most women won't admit it, women are just as much sexual deviants as men. Look at how many female teachers have been caught having relations with their students recently, or women having relations with their sons friends. In an effort to make this somewhat socially acceptable we have created the term cougar. This is a new day, and she is most likely getting sexual pleasure from this and will never tell you. You will never be able to satisfy her like he can because you are not a forbidden fruit. And who can she trust more with her secret fetish more than her son? No one, it will be their "secret bond". If possible I would have a heart to heart talk to the ex and he would probably enlighten you on how deep this relationship has gone and what he saw that made him leave. He was probably put in a position to do something about it, secretly share his wife or leave and he probably chose to just leave. I was in a similar situation, however the son was only 11. I went into his bedroom one morning after his mother had left our bed late that night and slept with him the rest of the night. I pulled the covers off with her resisting and she had nothing but a g-strig on, and that was not how she left our bedroom, they were in a spooning position. Who knows what happened that night. Enough said, this is not normal in any way and 100% unacceptable. I can guarantee she wouldn't be sleeping with her daughter at that age.

[mickeyche1]

You gotta be kidding me with your feedback...Geesh dude get a life. If you don't have something to say that'll help the situation, please say nothing at all. This is real life situations, and there is no need for harsh comments when someone is in need of help. Smh, Wow ,, really

[Gizelle2014]

Never delay reporting this type of behavior even if you just slightly suspect something is not right.  More often than not, it is true unfortunately. I think boundaries need to be set when a child reaches school age particularly with parental nudity, showering, and sleeping habits that involve the child.

GizelleWC

[mummytooobeee]

You have some valid points, but that is a strong accusation to make . She is aSingle mother, usually boys who have a single mother tend to be close to them, my brother is 14 years old and is Extremely close to his mother and to me. It's completely normal that he is sleeping in his mothers bed. But talking to her in a low voice and not calling her by her name is not normal. That is something that maybe you should sit her down and really talk to her about .just don't stress yourself out, it may not be what is seems

[ROSYouralright]

He definitely needs some boundaries and should sleep in his own bed. This isn't healthy for any of you❕

[Tay9662]

well im 20 and after i was 4 i slept in my own room, with the occasion my dad was at work i would sleep with my mom cause i was scared without him there, but after i was 10 this never happened again on the other hand my brother who is 14 now always slept in his own bed and then my mother and father got a divorce when he was 13 and took it really bad when he was with my mom hed sleep in her room and when he was with my dad hed sleep in his room, i think most of this came from the divorce but he never did anything with them or even ever joked about it, i think its disturbing for a 14 year old to be making these coments cause they are mature enough to know better but just sleeping with your parents isnt a bad thing it doesnt need to happen all the time but when something bad happens it should definitally be allowed

[Ellie0703]

Children need support during troublesome times, especially during separation or at times of family upheaval.  There is nothing remotely "sexual" about any child being in their parents bed and implying this says more about that person than the actual situation. See it for what it is, a child wanting to feel safe. Some (esp boys), may even feel they are protecting mum by keeping her close, especially if there was verbal / physical abuse from her partner.