Sleeping with 14 year old son, appropiate or not?

[a_few_queries]

Hello, I just have a question pertaining to my GF and her 14 year old son. She has been a single Mom for half of her son's life and then got married when the boy was at age seven (Her ex-husband was not his biological father). Obviously she has now gotten a divorce and we met early on in her seperation from her ex-husband (alittle over a year ago). I have noticed that on occassion her 14 year old boy sleeps with her whenever I'm not there (I work nights four days out of a week) and recently - in the last week or two - this behavior has somewhat increased. He has slept with her probably three or four nights that I haven't been there over that time frame. I feel uncomfortable with that situation occurring, mainly because of the child's age but also because neither one of them (especially my GF) seem uncomfortable with it. Furthering more background to this is the fact that the boy is more sexualized for his age then some other kids that I know in his age group. Also in her previous relationship with her ex-husband, the boy would try and sleep together with them and be forced by the ex-husband to sleep on the floor in their bedroom, right up until the boy was roughly 12-13 years old, when finally he slept in his own room. Finally, my GF did confide in me that one night last summer, he did enter her (our) room and tried to "imitate" me while she was sleeping - talking in a low voice, calling her by her name rather than as just "Mom" and some other things that I did find disturbing. I feel that I'm not over-reacting to this and I haven't brought it up with her yet, but feel that maybe alittle honest feedback would help me before I decide on what my next action should or shouldn't be.

[Ellie0703]

Children need support during troublesome times, especially during separation or at times of family upheaval.  There is nothing remotely "sexual" about any child being in their parents bed and implying this says more about that person than the actual situation. See it for what it is, a child wanting to feel safe. Some (esp boys), may even feel they are protecting mum by keeping her close, especially if there was verbal / physical abuse from her partner.

[Cindyhw]

My cousins male child, (15 in a few weeks), has been sleeping with his mother for the past 5 yrs because he's "scared" to sleep by himself since his Grandmother died in their house.  It's sick....she talks about how he runs his toes up her back like when he was a baby...makes me physically ill.  This child is already shaving, has pubic hair, according to her, and she thinks nothing of him going into the master bathroom to shave while she's in the shower.  GLASS door shower.  If you could hear their conversations it sounds like he pretends he's married to her.  I used to think nothing else was going on but I really do wonder now.  Nothing about this is normal and I'm seconds away from calling child services.

[Youngwildfree1414]

Well his mother is all he has, the divorce probably hurt him a lot. Also he could have terror issues and she just makes him feel safe.

[Betska]

All families have different values and rules so theres no yes or no answer to this situation,my son slept in my bed for a long time and especially when his dad was nightshift,then my daughter was born when he was 13 and she then would sleep with us till she was older as well.Lately its been really cold and our girl(now 14) has jumped into our bed trapping me between her and her dad,its not fun and I dont get much sleep.
Now on a different note, the night the son pretended to be you in bed is a bit worrisome, have you all discussed with him what he did that for?
Basically when she was single he was head of the house, and the previous guy seemed a bit harsh making the boy sleep on the floor, I think he is just testing his ground maybe even trying to have his mum to himself again.Best advice is all talk openly and also seek professional help if needed

[jacko2466]

Goin through the same thing..my partner's son grabs her breasts and makes comments still wants to sleep in the bed with her..he will go up just before we do to make sure he in her bed...at times it seems they are flirting with each other and she does mummy him.He is 14 and all she does is speak about him to like she is in love with him..

[courtellis]

It is very important to understand the entire post written here, in that a child is imitating an adult with his mother.  This would need to have some intervention with either mom or mom and boyfriend. This could become problematic for the child in the later years, and there should be no talk of "it's okay".