I decided to post this, because I am still dealing with my loss and am having an extremely difficult time with it. Battling depression, anxiety, lack of enjoyment of anything at all... And I know people have good intentions when trying to comfort you and counsel you after you have lost a baby, but some of the things they say are hurtful. Again, I know most people don't mean to hurt you, they just aren't sure what to say. This list is compiled of things people have said to me and also some things I have seen online or heard from other friends who have lost babies.
-At least you weren't that far along. (It doesn't matter how far along you were, a loss is a loss and it still hurts!)
-God will give you a baby when it's your time. (You WANTED that baby. Maybe you will have another baby later, but you wanted THAT one, and it doesn't help to hear "it wasn't your time")
-At least you know you CAN get pregnant. (Maybe so, but what if I never get pregnant again? Or even if I do, it doesn't minimize the life of the baby that I lost. That was MY baby.)
-Miscarriages are very common, it's happened to almost everyone. (Maybe it has, but it is very new and painful to me.)
-I had a miscarriage too so I know exactly how you feel. (I am so sorry that you had to deal with a loss too, but you don't know EXACTLY how I feel just like I don't know EXACTLY how you feel. Everyone deals with it differently.)
-There was probably something wrong with it anyway. (It doesn't matter to me...this was my baby and I don't care what kind of problems he or she may have had.)
-You'll get pregnant again, and if you don't you can always adopt. (I very well and hopefully will get pregnant again... but I might not. And yes, adoption is a great thing, but it doesn't make the loss of my baby any less real.)
-Nature takes care of her mistakes. (Mistake???? Excuse me?????)
-At least you were early, I carried my baby full term then she/he died. (I am very sorry that happened to you, but it doesn't mean your loss is "more sad" than mine.)
-Give it some time, you'll be alright. (This one is pretty self explanatory.)
-You're young, you have plenty of time. (Yes I may be 25 years old. But I am ready in every way and why does it matter how old you are? I wanted that baby at the time he or she was due.)
-Next time everything will be fine. (It might not be.)
-It's not the end of the world. (It sure feels like it to me. ...and yes, someone actually said this to me)
-So you needed a WHOLE week off from work? (Someone actually said this to me...and yes I did need that time because I had to have TWO d&c procedures done. I STILL came back to work before I was ready.)
-At least this was your first time, I've had 3 (or however many) miscarriages. (Again, I am very sorry you have had to deal with these losses, but it still doesn't make this any more real and sad for me.)
There are many more I just can't think of right now. I know people just don't know what to say so they say whatever comes to mind, but please think carefully before you say something like this to someone. You may mean well, but your words can be very hurtful. The person going through the loss is probably dealing with a lot of pain and emotions and can feel very alone. Thanks for reading, everyone.