Aa
Fallen in Love!!
I reaaly need some piece of advice.
I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.
She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.
She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.
I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.
Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.
Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.
Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.
So how do I go upto her.
I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.
So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.
Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.
What should I do??
Please help.
Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.
Your precious reply would be awaited.
Thank you.
I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.
She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.
She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.
I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.
Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.
Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.
Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.
So how do I go upto her.
I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.
So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.
Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.
What should I do??
Please help.
Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.
Your precious reply would be awaited.
Thank you.
Like there is a saying
'Every dog has his/ her day.'
So just like that your day would come soon one day & then the whole World(including your family) wiill play 'devil's advocate' with you.
Meanwhile continue having fun by playing 'devil's advocate'.
Bye
Please Note: This Forum is not the place to play 'devil's advocate'.
If you are so interested in playing 'devil's advocate', then please find a forum which promotes & encourages the same.
Thank you..
'Every dog has his/ her day.'
So just like that your day would come soon one day & then the whole World(including your family) wiill play 'devil's advocate' with you.
Meanwhile continue having fun by playing 'devil's advocate'.
Bye
Please Note: This Forum is not the place to play 'devil's advocate'.
If you are so interested in playing 'devil's advocate', then please find a forum which promotes & encourages the same.
Thank you..
good answers - I was just playing "devil's advocate"
I haven't got any more questions
I haven't got any more questions
Hey so many questions!!!!
But I wud surely answer them one by one..
Your quest 1) if you are such a "good catch" how many other women give you a second look ?, is this the first woman who has ever shown interest in you ?
My reply 1)There has been quite a few other woman who have shown interest in me in my life, but I have never shown any kind of interest in them because I was looking out only for simplicity which none of the other woman had except this one whom I just came across recently.
Your quest 2) what did other workers think of your interest in her ?
My reply 2) I dont think care what other workers/ or people think, because at the end of the day this is my life & if she was with me, then it is my life & her life & apart from my family & her family I would not care what other people have to think or say..
Your quest 3) Just because women talk to you at work doesn't mean they want a relationship with you for example I used to talk to lesbian women at work
My reply 3) You spoke to lesbians!! although from this statement of yours I am not sure what were your intentions, was it with regards to work you spoke to them or maybe something else. But to be frank with you, I mainly speak to people back at work only with regards to work. There's so much of work in the office, that I do not get a chance to speak to people about anythin else. Yes probably other people would speak about other things, but all these few years of my life, I have given high priority to work.
Your quest 4) me me me me
My reply 4) If that was the case, then somehow or the other I would have managed to have her in my life & be mine forever no matter what. But then that is not true love. If there is something that I do that does not give her happiness, then it is not love. If she is not with me today, I would still wait in the hope that if my love was really true then one fine day she would be in my life & incase she never comes then I would consider that she probably has found someone much better than me & she is much happier, but still I would wait in the hope that maybe one fine day she would come back to me, because I know that my love was & is always there for her.
Your quest 5) you said "Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company."
but you are still there
My reply 5) After all this happened happened I did not go to wrok for nearly a couple of days & the senior management had called me up over the phone as to why I did not turn up. I had mentioned that I was thinking of resigning. The next thing they wanted to know, was the exact reason(which obviously I was not willing to reveal to them) & they offered to increase my salary just to retain me at work & finally they came to a conclusson that I could leave work if I found some another job or atleast give them a valid reaosn for my reason of even thinking of leaving work. All this because I have given high priority to work always & they want to retain me there & they assume that they can fix any problem I may have which may be the cause of me thinking of leaving work.
& just for your info, I finally decided that, it is finally my personal life & not the company's life, so I decided that I would finally have a word with this girl & ask her that incase she is not comfortable with me working there then I really dont mind leaving the company immdtly, & incase she did say yes then I would leave. But when I returned to work, upon investigation I found that she has gone to a nearby city to see her Grand Dad who is not keeping well & she would be returning this weekend. And the fact is that she would be leaving the work after a few weeks to take care of her grand dad's health. Also just because you are tens of thousands of miles aways from here & you dont know & you dont realise what is going on here, then I need to convey something to you, if I just leave the office without giving any proper valid reaosn then a few co workers who are aware of this(all this between me & the girl), would held her responsible for me leaving the job eventhough she may not be responsible, but they would make life hell for her at work.I can go through any kind of sorrows in life, but I would never be able to tolerate her suffering in even any small way.
Your quest6) you said "I would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same."
- there was nothing wrong with her - you are the one with the problem expecting everything to happen too fast and eveything to happen the way you want without concern for what she wants
My reply 6) Yes I know I was at fault. Where did I ever blame anyone else to be at fault. I really fail to understand what was your intention for asking that quest or postiong that comment. I know I am at fault, but you wanted to make me feel at fault once again. I have also mentioned my point of view & it is just that the reason I was so fast is because, I wanted to convey to her what was there in my mind rather than going out with her & then one fine day telling her that I love her, I felt that kind of a thing was a kind of me cheating her. Now this is my opinion which majority of you would not agree on, but different people have different point of view. & now the fact remains that I would really like to be alone. Although that really means that I still have the fear of getting rejected, but the actual fact remains that I love her very much & cannot even think of myself being with someone else.
Now do you have any other questions??
Opppsss your last question
Your quest 7) Am I the only man posting in this thread ?
My reply 7) I am the man who started this thread to get people's valuable opinion & you state that you are a man posting in this thread & incase you are so keen on knowing more about other people then this forum gives you the option to check out people's profiles which probably contains info of what they would like strangers like you to know.
Thank you..
But I wud surely answer them one by one..
Your quest 1) if you are such a "good catch" how many other women give you a second look ?, is this the first woman who has ever shown interest in you ?
My reply 1)There has been quite a few other woman who have shown interest in me in my life, but I have never shown any kind of interest in them because I was looking out only for simplicity which none of the other woman had except this one whom I just came across recently.
Your quest 2) what did other workers think of your interest in her ?
My reply 2) I dont think care what other workers/ or people think, because at the end of the day this is my life & if she was with me, then it is my life & her life & apart from my family & her family I would not care what other people have to think or say..
Your quest 3) Just because women talk to you at work doesn't mean they want a relationship with you for example I used to talk to lesbian women at work
My reply 3) You spoke to lesbians!! although from this statement of yours I am not sure what were your intentions, was it with regards to work you spoke to them or maybe something else. But to be frank with you, I mainly speak to people back at work only with regards to work. There's so much of work in the office, that I do not get a chance to speak to people about anythin else. Yes probably other people would speak about other things, but all these few years of my life, I have given high priority to work.
Your quest 4) me me me me
My reply 4) If that was the case, then somehow or the other I would have managed to have her in my life & be mine forever no matter what. But then that is not true love. If there is something that I do that does not give her happiness, then it is not love. If she is not with me today, I would still wait in the hope that if my love was really true then one fine day she would be in my life & incase she never comes then I would consider that she probably has found someone much better than me & she is much happier, but still I would wait in the hope that maybe one fine day she would come back to me, because I know that my love was & is always there for her.
Your quest 5) you said "Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company."
but you are still there
My reply 5) After all this happened happened I did not go to wrok for nearly a couple of days & the senior management had called me up over the phone as to why I did not turn up. I had mentioned that I was thinking of resigning. The next thing they wanted to know, was the exact reason(which obviously I was not willing to reveal to them) & they offered to increase my salary just to retain me at work & finally they came to a conclusson that I could leave work if I found some another job or atleast give them a valid reaosn for my reason of even thinking of leaving work. All this because I have given high priority to work always & they want to retain me there & they assume that they can fix any problem I may have which may be the cause of me thinking of leaving work.
& just for your info, I finally decided that, it is finally my personal life & not the company's life, so I decided that I would finally have a word with this girl & ask her that incase she is not comfortable with me working there then I really dont mind leaving the company immdtly, & incase she did say yes then I would leave. But when I returned to work, upon investigation I found that she has gone to a nearby city to see her Grand Dad who is not keeping well & she would be returning this weekend. And the fact is that she would be leaving the work after a few weeks to take care of her grand dad's health. Also just because you are tens of thousands of miles aways from here & you dont know & you dont realise what is going on here, then I need to convey something to you, if I just leave the office without giving any proper valid reaosn then a few co workers who are aware of this(all this between me & the girl), would held her responsible for me leaving the job eventhough she may not be responsible, but they would make life hell for her at work.I can go through any kind of sorrows in life, but I would never be able to tolerate her suffering in even any small way.
Your quest6) you said "I would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same."
- there was nothing wrong with her - you are the one with the problem expecting everything to happen too fast and eveything to happen the way you want without concern for what she wants
My reply 6) Yes I know I was at fault. Where did I ever blame anyone else to be at fault. I really fail to understand what was your intention for asking that quest or postiong that comment. I know I am at fault, but you wanted to make me feel at fault once again. I have also mentioned my point of view & it is just that the reason I was so fast is because, I wanted to convey to her what was there in my mind rather than going out with her & then one fine day telling her that I love her, I felt that kind of a thing was a kind of me cheating her. Now this is my opinion which majority of you would not agree on, but different people have different point of view. & now the fact remains that I would really like to be alone. Although that really means that I still have the fear of getting rejected, but the actual fact remains that I love her very much & cannot even think of myself being with someone else.
Now do you have any other questions??
Opppsss your last question
Your quest 7) Am I the only man posting in this thread ?
My reply 7) I am the man who started this thread to get people's valuable opinion & you state that you are a man posting in this thread & incase you are so keen on knowing more about other people then this forum gives you the option to check out people's profiles which probably contains info of what they would like strangers like you to know.
Thank you..
who's benefit was this relationship for ? your's or her's
what benefit will she get from being with you ? rather than someone else
it looks like you were trying to "own" her
if you are such a "good catch" how many other women give you a second look ?, is this the first woman who has ever shown interest in you ?
workplace flirting is good , a woman I worked with invited me back to her house after knowing me for a few hours and she was a feminist working mainly with men and I don't think she liked men in general , I was interested in her and didn't make a secret of it but I used humor , other workers said I had a crush on her - what did other workers think of your interest in her ?
Just because women talk to you at work doesn't mean they want a relationship with you for example I used to talk to lesbian women at work
you said "I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me"
-that translates to - me me me me I wanna have her for my benefit - who cares what she wants - but she will have to want me because I will change into anything that makes her like me
you said "Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company."
but you are still there
you said "I would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same."
- there was nothing wrong with her - you are the one with the problem expecting everything to happen too fast and eveything to happen the way you want without concern for what she wants
Am I the only man posting in this thread ?
what benefit will she get from being with you ? rather than someone else
it looks like you were trying to "own" her
if you are such a "good catch" how many other women give you a second look ?, is this the first woman who has ever shown interest in you ?
workplace flirting is good , a woman I worked with invited me back to her house after knowing me for a few hours and she was a feminist working mainly with men and I don't think she liked men in general , I was interested in her and didn't make a secret of it but I used humor , other workers said I had a crush on her - what did other workers think of your interest in her ?
Just because women talk to you at work doesn't mean they want a relationship with you for example I used to talk to lesbian women at work
you said "I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me"
-that translates to - me me me me I wanna have her for my benefit - who cares what she wants - but she will have to want me because I will change into anything that makes her like me
you said "Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company."
but you are still there
you said "I would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same."
- there was nothing wrong with her - you are the one with the problem expecting everything to happen too fast and eveything to happen the way you want without concern for what she wants
Am I the only man posting in this thread ?
Thanks for your message.
As of now, I do not feel like going out anywhere with friends or meeting anyone. I would just go to work & then back home. Maybe if really I am going crazy at home during my weekly off I would just go out for a movie alone.
Also one more thing, I dont think I can like any other person after all this. I am feeling scared of probably getting rejected or so. But I would always remember your suggestion about going about things slowly incase I come across a nice woman. But as of now I am not prepared for anything & would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same.
Also another thing not to be forgotten is that, I really dont mind living the rest of my life in the hope that if my love was really true for her, she would come back to me one fine day. And since my childhood I had the strongs belief that love happens only once in a life time.
Thank you very much for spending your precious time to send out all these suggestions.
Have a nice day ahead.
As of now, I do not feel like going out anywhere with friends or meeting anyone. I would just go to work & then back home. Maybe if really I am going crazy at home during my weekly off I would just go out for a movie alone.
Also one more thing, I dont think I can like any other person after all this. I am feeling scared of probably getting rejected or so. But I would always remember your suggestion about going about things slowly incase I come across a nice woman. But as of now I am not prepared for anything & would prefer being alone rather than getting rejected another time eventhough you may suggest that all the woman are not the same.
Also another thing not to be forgotten is that, I really dont mind living the rest of my life in the hope that if my love was really true for her, she would come back to me one fine day. And since my childhood I had the strongs belief that love happens only once in a life time.
Thank you very much for spending your precious time to send out all these suggestions.
Have a nice day ahead.
Of course you will ger married, you are young, and just because you had one bad experience, doe not make it all bad,you will meet someone, ask her out for dinner, lunch or something, do things slow, and dont get in a rush You sound like a nice young man, and you need to get out of the house more, even if it is with the guys go bowling, and if you dont know how learn. you will meet lots of women, and you will know when you meet the right one, then take it slow, also you need to get out, and have some fun dont stay home and brood, that is bad there are lots of places guys can go .just ask some of these on column , Please let us know how you do. we are all here for you whenm you feel like writing lots luck jo
Hi people,
Firstly thank you all for your amazing messages. I really needed to hear from you. It makes me feel so comfortable. I just read my previous messages & realised I had made loads of errors out there. Sorry you had to tolerate that. Please do excuse me for all that. It's just that I was disturbed about all this & then in the hurry I had typed out the message to you all.
I agree that I had made too many mistakes with regards to the relationship as well. I should have been slow & inspite of your precious advise, I still did what I felt was right.
One of you was right in stating that in India, gold jewellery is given to someone whom you really love. I thought one day or the other I would be conveying my feelings to her, so that's why I gifted that to her, hoping that maybe on that day itself or latest by the next day I would convey my feelings for her.
Okay, now let's see why didn't I actually listen to you. Well it's because I thought that I should not be cheating her by asking her out & then slowly one fine day going upto her & telling her, 'hey look I love you'.
Anyways, so on that particular day, she kept saying 'no' to accept the gift. Then finally I had stated that incase she still denies it, I would throw it into the thrash bin. She still said no & finallly right in front of her I threw it in the thrash bin.
The next day I sent her a sms, wherein I had apologized to her. Then I tried calling her over the phone latter & she was not answerng my calls. I called her nearly 10 times, but she did not answer it. So back at the office I approacehed her & asked her why didnt she answer my calls. She only stated that she did not like the idea of me giving her a gift. I told her that I apologized for it & even still if she is annoyed I can resign from the office. She then stated that she does not mind me doing whatever I like as she is going to resign from the office soon, I told her that it is not necessary for her to leave the office because of me. But then she stated that her Grand Dad is not feeling well & she requested me not to call her on the phone again. I immdtly told her that till the end of my life I would never call her.
Then the very next day she is sent a blank sms. which I did not respond to. I do understand, that probably the blank sms had some kind of a meaning which stated that she apologized for all that happened, but she probably did not want to express it throught words & preffered to send a blank sms.
Finally I agree that I should have listened to all your words. You people are more matured enough than I am & had given the right suggestion. Anyways, after all this I know for sure, I would never like to get married to anyone.
People once again thank you for your support.
Thank you..
Firstly thank you all for your amazing messages. I really needed to hear from you. It makes me feel so comfortable. I just read my previous messages & realised I had made loads of errors out there. Sorry you had to tolerate that. Please do excuse me for all that. It's just that I was disturbed about all this & then in the hurry I had typed out the message to you all.
I agree that I had made too many mistakes with regards to the relationship as well. I should have been slow & inspite of your precious advise, I still did what I felt was right.
One of you was right in stating that in India, gold jewellery is given to someone whom you really love. I thought one day or the other I would be conveying my feelings to her, so that's why I gifted that to her, hoping that maybe on that day itself or latest by the next day I would convey my feelings for her.
Okay, now let's see why didn't I actually listen to you. Well it's because I thought that I should not be cheating her by asking her out & then slowly one fine day going upto her & telling her, 'hey look I love you'.
Anyways, so on that particular day, she kept saying 'no' to accept the gift. Then finally I had stated that incase she still denies it, I would throw it into the thrash bin. She still said no & finallly right in front of her I threw it in the thrash bin.
The next day I sent her a sms, wherein I had apologized to her. Then I tried calling her over the phone latter & she was not answerng my calls. I called her nearly 10 times, but she did not answer it. So back at the office I approacehed her & asked her why didnt she answer my calls. She only stated that she did not like the idea of me giving her a gift. I told her that I apologized for it & even still if she is annoyed I can resign from the office. She then stated that she does not mind me doing whatever I like as she is going to resign from the office soon, I told her that it is not necessary for her to leave the office because of me. But then she stated that her Grand Dad is not feeling well & she requested me not to call her on the phone again. I immdtly told her that till the end of my life I would never call her.
Then the very next day she is sent a blank sms. which I did not respond to. I do understand, that probably the blank sms had some kind of a meaning which stated that she apologized for all that happened, but she probably did not want to express it throught words & preffered to send a blank sms.
Finally I agree that I should have listened to all your words. You people are more matured enough than I am & had given the right suggestion. Anyways, after all this I know for sure, I would never like to get married to anyone.
People once again thank you for your support.
Thank you..
Hello there Prince! After reading your story, I'm really touched. You seem like such a great guy! I feel sorry that she rejected your gift, but the others are right...you need to slow it down a bit. At my very first job I worked as a waitress. We had a man there that was a busser. He was almost 7 years older then me. I am caucasion and he is mexican. I believe he is here illegally even, but he was a VERY sweet guy. He always treated me like a princess. He even called me his little princess. He did not speak to much english, but enough to have a conversation. I only saw him at work. He told me he loved me a few times...but I was never attracted to him. He kind of scared me with how forward he was with him feelings towards me. And me being 16, I didn't find it appropriate, but I am very mature for my age so I handled it the best way I knew how. I got the job there in may of 2006 I believe. And he joined just a month later. I remember one day I went to my locker to get ready for work and he approached me with a box. I opened it and it was a brand new watch. I told him I couldnt accept it, but he insisted. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I put it on. I felt weird because he gave it to me on Thanksgiving. I guess he thought that was a holiday where you give presents. I left that job a few months later. He moved to a restaurant next door and I still see him sometimes. But I still feel weird. I believe its because of the way he was so forward about his feelings..and bluntness. I was almost afraid of him...but I trusted him enough to know he never meant any harm.
I told you this story so you could get another of example. You are doing almost the same thing as the guy in mine. I was pushed away from him because of his actions. I was not attracted to him but I was always nice to him. We have each other's cell numbers too. It sounds a lot like your story...I just hope yours ends better. She may be attracted to you, just thrown off by the whole present thing. Its not too late to rekindle a friendship...but for now I think that is all you should pursue. I would be her friend..and then ask her about her feelings...if she likes you, maybe you could take another chance...if she only wants to be your friend, you have to respect her. After all being a beautiful woman's friend is better then just an aquantance right? Good luck Prince. I hope she realized you are something special!
I told you this story so you could get another of example. You are doing almost the same thing as the guy in mine. I was pushed away from him because of his actions. I was not attracted to him but I was always nice to him. We have each other's cell numbers too. It sounds a lot like your story...I just hope yours ends better. She may be attracted to you, just thrown off by the whole present thing. Its not too late to rekindle a friendship...but for now I think that is all you should pursue. I would be her friend..and then ask her about her feelings...if she likes you, maybe you could take another chance...if she only wants to be your friend, you have to respect her. After all being a beautiful woman's friend is better then just an aquantance right? Good luck Prince. I hope she realized you are something special!
Prince, the next step could have been coffee or lunch - not gold jewelry. Jewelry is something you buy for someone you already have an intimate relationship with - not someone you are just starting to pursue. It sounds like it came across as pushy, and now she's pushed away. Slow down!
Most women I know (Indian and otherwise) wouldn't accept gold from a male coworker with whom they've never had more than a 20 minute conversation with me. It comes across as pushy and sneaky, as though they're trying to get something from you. Going for coffee and taking it slow would have helped to establish some trust and basis for understanding each other. Then maybe to a thoughtful gift.
Maybe, before you try to pursue a relationship again, learn how to be friends with a woman. Learn to communicate as people before trying to communicate romantically. Down the road it will be very difficult to manage a marriage if you can't understand what is going on in her head.
BTW what part of India are you from? (if you don't mind my asking) Are you Sikh? Muslim? I've noticed that Indian guys (because they grow up so isolated from being friends with girls) tend to struggle with figuring out what is and is not appropriate when they want to start dating a girl. I've certainly seen it lead to awkward situations like this.
Most women I know (Indian and otherwise) wouldn't accept gold from a male coworker with whom they've never had more than a 20 minute conversation with me. It comes across as pushy and sneaky, as though they're trying to get something from you. Going for coffee and taking it slow would have helped to establish some trust and basis for understanding each other. Then maybe to a thoughtful gift.
Maybe, before you try to pursue a relationship again, learn how to be friends with a woman. Learn to communicate as people before trying to communicate romantically. Down the road it will be very difficult to manage a marriage if you can't understand what is going on in her head.
BTW what part of India are you from? (if you don't mind my asking) Are you Sikh? Muslim? I've noticed that Indian guys (because they grow up so isolated from being friends with girls) tend to struggle with figuring out what is and is not appropriate when they want to start dating a girl. I've certainly seen it lead to awkward situations like this.
all of the people above have told you to take it slow, you have never asked her out, on a date, and you just pop up, and give her a-present, and have never told her anything, not even that you like her, yes you did goof up. call her, and ask her out to dinner. then go slow one does not give a gift to a woman, he has not dated, listen to the above comments , you just do not hand out a gift for no reason, and most women are taught to not accept a gift, untill they know a person real well luck jo
Than you everyone for your advise, but I finally did what I thought was right & you know what 'I messed it up'..
Yes it's true I messed it all up.
I should have probably follwed your advise & done things accordingly, but no, I though I was a genius & whatever my mind told me to do, I did so.
It all happened the other day, wherein I posted my message that I tried calling her over the phone, but to no avail. Then I had posted my comment here about me calling her up and she not answering my call.
Then after that things went like this.
That very day I called her up thrice & my call was not answered. I got so annoyed that I had sent a statement across to her stating that 'I apologize for calling her over the phone as there nothing imp to speak & that I would never ever call her up again'. For which she apologized & replied that 'it was her fault as she left her mobile phone in silent mode & went asleep and after waking inspite of seing missed calls she did not call me up or even message me as she had to get ready to work & at the moment she was on the way to office'. I then sent a message across to her stating that 'she should not apologize as it was actually my fault & that I should have understand thesituation & should have not being so rude to her'. She then once got to office, she immdtly gave me a call to 'appologize once again'. I inturned apologized to her as well & told her that we would speak latter as she was at work now & she should not get further delay & we eneded the conversation. Now then when I got to work that day I had seen her & again apologized to her & she did the same & v'd decided v'd speak latter as people were around. Next day to my surprise she gave me a call & apologized for what happened the previous day & stated tht she did not want to hurt me in anyway. I also apologized to her & we spoke on the phone for nearly 20 mins about her fmily background education & I had given her a brief description about myself. Then we had ended the conversation. I was expecting her call. But to no wvail, she did not even bother to call me.
Then yesterday I decided that I should go the next step & gift her something good(although she is not a greedy person) but I still wanted to get her something good. I decided to get her something good. So I got her a pair of pure gold jewellery. It was gift wrapped & I had given it to her. She intially was surprised & then stated that what is all this for. Since people were around, I requstd her to kiindly accept this at the moment & v'd speak latter. But to my surprise, she had opened the gift after a short while & while ai was on a call with the customer, she came & returned it stating that she wud not accept it. That gave me the shock of my life & I was on an imp call with the client. Afterthe cal I went upto her & forcefull gave her the gift which she said she wud not accept. Then she claimed that frm her childhood she does not accept any gift, which is totally false statement and then whey did she accept the gift earklier. Since eventhough I insisted & she did not accept I finaly told her that if she behaves this way I wud throw it in the thrash bin, which she said no. I waitd for a while and did so. She just said no.
After that there was no reaction from her. She consulted a few people about me. One person gave a major negative incorrect feeback about me which she believed it.
I was dissappointed, as she believed each and every roumors that they had spread about me.
She did not speak to me after that. I felt like leaving wrk immdtly, but what stopped me was the fact that me leaving the company people with mess around with her happiness.
I amconfusssed & have lost everthing & I have a feeling that she ha s now lost anyfeelings for me. I feel rejected. Yuck, that is a horrible feeling.
Thank you..
Have a niec day ahead.
Yes it's true I messed it all up.
I should have probably follwed your advise & done things accordingly, but no, I though I was a genius & whatever my mind told me to do, I did so.
It all happened the other day, wherein I posted my message that I tried calling her over the phone, but to no avail. Then I had posted my comment here about me calling her up and she not answering my call.
Then after that things went like this.
That very day I called her up thrice & my call was not answered. I got so annoyed that I had sent a statement across to her stating that 'I apologize for calling her over the phone as there nothing imp to speak & that I would never ever call her up again'. For which she apologized & replied that 'it was her fault as she left her mobile phone in silent mode & went asleep and after waking inspite of seing missed calls she did not call me up or even message me as she had to get ready to work & at the moment she was on the way to office'. I then sent a message across to her stating that 'she should not apologize as it was actually my fault & that I should have understand thesituation & should have not being so rude to her'. She then once got to office, she immdtly gave me a call to 'appologize once again'. I inturned apologized to her as well & told her that we would speak latter as she was at work now & she should not get further delay & we eneded the conversation. Now then when I got to work that day I had seen her & again apologized to her & she did the same & v'd decided v'd speak latter as people were around. Next day to my surprise she gave me a call & apologized for what happened the previous day & stated tht she did not want to hurt me in anyway. I also apologized to her & we spoke on the phone for nearly 20 mins about her fmily background education & I had given her a brief description about myself. Then we had ended the conversation. I was expecting her call. But to no wvail, she did not even bother to call me.
Then yesterday I decided that I should go the next step & gift her something good(although she is not a greedy person) but I still wanted to get her something good. I decided to get her something good. So I got her a pair of pure gold jewellery. It was gift wrapped & I had given it to her. She intially was surprised & then stated that what is all this for. Since people were around, I requstd her to kiindly accept this at the moment & v'd speak latter. But to my surprise, she had opened the gift after a short while & while ai was on a call with the customer, she came & returned it stating that she wud not accept it. That gave me the shock of my life & I was on an imp call with the client. Afterthe cal I went upto her & forcefull gave her the gift which she said she wud not accept. Then she claimed that frm her childhood she does not accept any gift, which is totally false statement and then whey did she accept the gift earklier. Since eventhough I insisted & she did not accept I finaly told her that if she behaves this way I wud throw it in the thrash bin, which she said no. I waitd for a while and did so. She just said no.
After that there was no reaction from her. She consulted a few people about me. One person gave a major negative incorrect feeback about me which she believed it.
I was dissappointed, as she believed each and every roumors that they had spread about me.
She did not speak to me after that. I felt like leaving wrk immdtly, but what stopped me was the fact that me leaving the company people with mess around with her happiness.
I amconfusssed & have lost everthing & I have a feeling that she ha s now lost anyfeelings for me. I feel rejected. Yuck, that is a horrible feeling.
Thank you..
Have a niec day ahead.
Thanks a million for your messages.
The advice you have given me is good. I am so lucky that you had come into this forum & are there to help me.
I must apologize for not coming on here since a few days to keep you updated about things. But quite a few things have happened, although nothing major, but just kind of a slight confusson here and there & I have slightly disturbed.
I am sorry, but I would prefer to explain things to you in much more detailed format. Please give me sometime, I would post across a detailed message on what exactly has happened and is going on.
Thank you once again so much for everything. I really appreciate it. I ahve just turned on my laptop at home, just mainly to put across a short message to you. I always need your support & piece of valuable advise.
I would be conveying more details out here shortly.
Thank you once again..
The advice you have given me is good. I am so lucky that you had come into this forum & are there to help me.
I must apologize for not coming on here since a few days to keep you updated about things. But quite a few things have happened, although nothing major, but just kind of a slight confusson here and there & I have slightly disturbed.
I am sorry, but I would prefer to explain things to you in much more detailed format. Please give me sometime, I would post across a detailed message on what exactly has happened and is going on.
Thank you once again so much for everything. I really appreciate it. I ahve just turned on my laptop at home, just mainly to put across a short message to you. I always need your support & piece of valuable advise.
I would be conveying more details out here shortly.
Thank you once again..
I like the way AJh84 ans you, It was a honest, and very impotant ans to any one, I hope that you wont take offense at my comment, but it sounds like you have made up your mind,to do just what you intended in the first place ,It reminds me of an old saying, I hope that you have heard it,and i quote(You listen, but you do not hear.You look,but you do not see) I think all of the people on this column like, and want to help you so much, but you are really not going to listen to them, and also you say if she rejects you you will resign,That to me does not sound good, but then maybe you have enough money that you can afford to do this,again you really need to work on your self esteem, also not trying to be nosy, but have you ever had a place of your own? I do wish you luck,but hope you open those eyes, and ears, and listen to some of these good anwers, before you leap so so speak. best wishes to you jo
you gave the best and honest answer that anyone could ever want.You covered all of the bases, so to speak jo
Okay, let me start with your statement here:
"I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me."
Whatever you do, DON'T convey all of what you feel for her at the moment, as much as you want to. I'm telling you this from a young, unmarried woman's perspective, and I'm pretty sure this is how most available, unmarried women think when it comes to dating a man.
It's really wonderful that you want to do anything for her and give her everything if you could. But she needs to come to realize this on her own, over a period of a few weeks to a few months, to truly appreciate this from you. I can tell you, she would probably be overwhelmed (possibly to the point of rejecting you) if you tell her in the next few days that you like her a lot, possibly love her, and that you want her to have the option of deciding what she thinks is best for you if she wants to start a relationship with you.
She is not going to immediately feel any ties to you that go so deep to the point where she feels she has the right to tell you what she wants from you, even if she has your permission.
In a way (as she's going to see it), you're basically going to let her "play God" with your character traits and your life decisions, and then either one of two things will happen:
1) She's going to feel overwhelmed with the pressure, no matter how good your intentions. To her, that's going to be very pressuring.
2) She'll completely take advantage of the control you'll allow her to have over you, which is never a good thing in a relationship.
Most likely, she'll end up feeling and acting on the first scenario, as most women are very emotional, analytical, and nurturing--so she'll end up feeling like it's too much to take in.
You need to relax (easier said than done, I know) and hold back on what you want to give. It's so wonderful how much you want to give her--your love and options for changes to your lifestyle to suit hers--but just hold out and give a little at a time for a few weeks. In fact, the next time you have an opportunity to speak with her over the phone or whatever, you don't even have to say how much you like her just yet because I can assure you, she already knows you're attacted to her (you talk to her, you accepted her phone number, and you want to keep talking to her; this and probably body language such as smiles and eye contact have given her indication that you like her).
What you can do to IMPLY (much less overwhelming and intimidating) rather than straight-out tell her is drop compliments, like "You look nice today," "You are very smart," "You have a lovely smile/eyes," and "I'll bet you are exceptional at doing... (whatever interest or hobby she has, like painting or playing a musical instument). I'd love to see your work or see you perfom sometime."
These are all VERY strong indicators that you really like her, and not too straightforward and overwhelming to process.
When she starts returning the compliments and letting on more and more about herself and asking more about what you like, then you can start conveying that you like her as much as you do (but still not all at once).
A little at a time. That's the key. And before you know it, if things go well in the beginning, time will seem like it just flew by.
Until then, don't risk your feelings or your job with potential rejection. She's not worthy of all that just yet. You may think so, but really, she isn't, only because you haven't had the chance to know her as the person she completely is. Right now, she's still mostly who you THINK she is and who you imagine her to be. It's wise to not risk your future job opportunities and overall perspective of women and relationships (should she reject you and break your heart) over one person whom you've yet to get to know on a more personal level.
As always, my best wishes are with you! You can send me a private message any time. :-)
"I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me."
Whatever you do, DON'T convey all of what you feel for her at the moment, as much as you want to. I'm telling you this from a young, unmarried woman's perspective, and I'm pretty sure this is how most available, unmarried women think when it comes to dating a man.
It's really wonderful that you want to do anything for her and give her everything if you could. But she needs to come to realize this on her own, over a period of a few weeks to a few months, to truly appreciate this from you. I can tell you, she would probably be overwhelmed (possibly to the point of rejecting you) if you tell her in the next few days that you like her a lot, possibly love her, and that you want her to have the option of deciding what she thinks is best for you if she wants to start a relationship with you.
She is not going to immediately feel any ties to you that go so deep to the point where she feels she has the right to tell you what she wants from you, even if she has your permission.
In a way (as she's going to see it), you're basically going to let her "play God" with your character traits and your life decisions, and then either one of two things will happen:
1) She's going to feel overwhelmed with the pressure, no matter how good your intentions. To her, that's going to be very pressuring.
2) She'll completely take advantage of the control you'll allow her to have over you, which is never a good thing in a relationship.
Most likely, she'll end up feeling and acting on the first scenario, as most women are very emotional, analytical, and nurturing--so she'll end up feeling like it's too much to take in.
You need to relax (easier said than done, I know) and hold back on what you want to give. It's so wonderful how much you want to give her--your love and options for changes to your lifestyle to suit hers--but just hold out and give a little at a time for a few weeks. In fact, the next time you have an opportunity to speak with her over the phone or whatever, you don't even have to say how much you like her just yet because I can assure you, she already knows you're attacted to her (you talk to her, you accepted her phone number, and you want to keep talking to her; this and probably body language such as smiles and eye contact have given her indication that you like her).
What you can do to IMPLY (much less overwhelming and intimidating) rather than straight-out tell her is drop compliments, like "You look nice today," "You are very smart," "You have a lovely smile/eyes," and "I'll bet you are exceptional at doing... (whatever interest or hobby she has, like painting or playing a musical instument). I'd love to see your work or see you perfom sometime."
These are all VERY strong indicators that you really like her, and not too straightforward and overwhelming to process.
When she starts returning the compliments and letting on more and more about herself and asking more about what you like, then you can start conveying that you like her as much as you do (but still not all at once).
A little at a time. That's the key. And before you know it, if things go well in the beginning, time will seem like it just flew by.
Until then, don't risk your feelings or your job with potential rejection. She's not worthy of all that just yet. You may think so, but really, she isn't, only because you haven't had the chance to know her as the person she completely is. Right now, she's still mostly who you THINK she is and who you imagine her to be. It's wise to not risk your future job opportunities and overall perspective of women and relationships (should she reject you and break your heart) over one person whom you've yet to get to know on a more personal level.
As always, my best wishes are with you! You can send me a private message any time. :-)
I tried calling her just a while ago, but it's ringing no reply.
I did not want to try again atleast for the next few hours as I do not want to disturb her, since probably she might be taking rest.
I was thinking something else, how abt if I send an email across to her rather than calling her. Although I do not have her personal email address & I do not prefer sending it across to her work email address, but I can always request her for her personal email address & mail whatever I'd like to convey thru email.
So damn confussed, I really dont know what to do, but just hope things go well..
Thank you..
I did not want to try again atleast for the next few hours as I do not want to disturb her, since probably she might be taking rest.
I was thinking something else, how abt if I send an email across to her rather than calling her. Although I do not have her personal email address & I do not prefer sending it across to her work email address, but I can always request her for her personal email address & mail whatever I'd like to convey thru email.
So damn confussed, I really dont know what to do, but just hope things go well..
Thank you..
Hi thanks for your message. Today actually I was going to state that I am actually going to just call her up & convey my feelings toher. Trust me this is a very strong feeling that I have for her. Today the whole day I kept thinking of her. All this is driving me crazy. I had seen her in the office, but was unable to speak to her as the manager had called me with regards to discuuss something that was slightly important about work. Then she was not around as she works in a different department back in the office. I really like her mainly because of her simplicity & down to earth nature. I can really do anything for her. I really strongly feel that this is not just an ordinary crush, because in my life I have come across so many people & never felt like that for anyone the way I feel for her. She gives me a reason to live in this world, just a thought about her gives me a reason to smile. If I ever get to even have a quick word with her, that really makes my day.
I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me.
Please help!! I dont think I would go wrong if I call her up & ask her what feelings does she have for me as I like her very much & incase she does not like me even as a friend she can very well go ahead & convey the same to me. Incase she does give me a positive response, then I would reveal to her what I would like to do for her.
AJH84, today I am not going to even ask her to start liking me imdtly. I would tell her that if therez something she feels that I lack, she can let me know, for example if she assumes I shud have a better job, a better attitude, then I wud request her to kindly let me know about it & to give me a time frame. I would surely achieve it within that tiime frame & I can assure her that incase she requires, I can even assure her that i would not meet her until I achieve my goals.. Just to also make her feel comfortable I would even convey to her, that incase I dont achieve it, she can go ahead and forget me.
Because AJH84 I really respect her very much & I would do whatever best possible to make sure things go well with her.
I dont know whatelse to do. I guess I have an insecure feeling, that probably if I am too late, then I may not be able to have her with me. I guess maybe by the time you reply to this post, I would have given her a call. The only reason I am going to call her is because I am very shy & would never be able to speak to her all this face to face.
I would like to thank you for your amazing advise, but till today all the quick decisons I have taken, I really have no rgrets for it, although a few of the decisons my Parents did not like, but I am sure this decison would go well with your best wishes.
Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company. I know i would never be able to forget her, but atleast one regret I would never have that I did not atleast try.
I hope you would atleast partly agree with what I am doing & your best wishes are with me.
Thank you..
I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me.
Please help!! I dont think I would go wrong if I call her up & ask her what feelings does she have for me as I like her very much & incase she does not like me even as a friend she can very well go ahead & convey the same to me. Incase she does give me a positive response, then I would reveal to her what I would like to do for her.
AJH84, today I am not going to even ask her to start liking me imdtly. I would tell her that if therez something she feels that I lack, she can let me know, for example if she assumes I shud have a better job, a better attitude, then I wud request her to kindly let me know about it & to give me a time frame. I would surely achieve it within that tiime frame & I can assure her that incase she requires, I can even assure her that i would not meet her until I achieve my goals.. Just to also make her feel comfortable I would even convey to her, that incase I dont achieve it, she can go ahead and forget me.
Because AJH84 I really respect her very much & I would do whatever best possible to make sure things go well with her.
I dont know whatelse to do. I guess I have an insecure feeling, that probably if I am too late, then I may not be able to have her with me. I guess maybe by the time you reply to this post, I would have given her a call. The only reason I am going to call her is because I am very shy & would never be able to speak to her all this face to face.
I would like to thank you for your amazing advise, but till today all the quick decisons I have taken, I really have no rgrets for it, although a few of the decisons my Parents did not like, but I am sure this decison would go well with your best wishes.
Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company. I know i would never be able to forget her, but atleast one regret I would never have that I did not atleast try.
I hope you would atleast partly agree with what I am doing & your best wishes are with me.
Thank you..
JAXX55
Gosh, thanks! I appreciate the compliments!
Prince85
You sound like you're off to a good start so far. She seems to have a possible hint of interest if she voluntarily gave you her phone number and was willing to speak with you in the midst of a busy morning.
Just remember to take it slow in conveying your affections to her. As you said, you don't want to blindly propose to her. You also don't want to immediately come out and say things to convey the depth of what you feel for her. Take your time and let on a bit here and there, but certainly not all at once.
Keep us updated on what happens! I'm really hoping for the best for you!
Gosh, thanks! I appreciate the compliments!
Prince85
You sound like you're off to a good start so far. She seems to have a possible hint of interest if she voluntarily gave you her phone number and was willing to speak with you in the midst of a busy morning.
Just remember to take it slow in conveying your affections to her. As you said, you don't want to blindly propose to her. You also don't want to immediately come out and say things to convey the depth of what you feel for her. Take your time and let on a bit here and there, but certainly not all at once.
Keep us updated on what happens! I'm really hoping for the best for you!
Yes thank you.
I also really appreciate AJH84's advise. That was seriously a big help to me in taking a few decisons. I really just hope things work out well & this girl accepts me & hope that I would succeed in giving her all the happiness that she ever thought of.
But before I should think so deep about the future, I am yet to convey to her about how much I like her. Although here the overall advise has suggested that it is not right for me just to blindly go ahead & propose her. But on second thoughts I was thinking, do you all think that this could be love at first sight.Obvisiouly in my case maybe not at first sight, b'coz itz only after we exchanged a few hi/ hello back at work after a few times, did I realise that I really liked her & she is very important to me.
Also one more thing, people these days are very broadminded, especially the younger generation. But whatever that might be, I always personally believed that I would like to have a relationship with just 1 girl in my life & at any cost I would do anything to make sure that works & I would be loyal to her, b'coz I strongly believe that LOVE happens only once. I am 26 years old & in my life this is the first time I have really had this feeling for someone, the way I have for this girl.
Once again I just hope that things go well.
Thank you everyone for your support as this has really helped me in a big way.
I also really appreciate AJH84's advise. That was seriously a big help to me in taking a few decisons. I really just hope things work out well & this girl accepts me & hope that I would succeed in giving her all the happiness that she ever thought of.
But before I should think so deep about the future, I am yet to convey to her about how much I like her. Although here the overall advise has suggested that it is not right for me just to blindly go ahead & propose her. But on second thoughts I was thinking, do you all think that this could be love at first sight.Obvisiouly in my case maybe not at first sight, b'coz itz only after we exchanged a few hi/ hello back at work after a few times, did I realise that I really liked her & she is very important to me.
Also one more thing, people these days are very broadminded, especially the younger generation. But whatever that might be, I always personally believed that I would like to have a relationship with just 1 girl in my life & at any cost I would do anything to make sure that works & I would be loyal to her, b'coz I strongly believe that LOVE happens only once. I am 26 years old & in my life this is the first time I have really had this feeling for someone, the way I have for this girl.
Once again I just hope that things go well.
Thank you everyone for your support as this has really helped me in a big way.
WOW. AJH, I'm VERY impressed! That was the best dam advice I have EVER heard be given, and I can't think of someone more deserving at this moment than Prince 85... Prince, you sound VERY sweet, and like you have ALOT to offer someone. Read over and over through AJH's advice-Good Stuff! If that doesn't help, I don't what else could. But AJH has laid a pretty dam good foundation for you to start with. Good Luck and Keep us all posted. This is a sweet one! =)
Well I would really like to thank you both as well for your opinions out here.
I had actually finally gathered the courage to call her up over the phone, but at that point of time she was in the process of getting ready to come down to the office. She was still ready to speak to me inspite of she being busy at that point of time, but I hilghly felt that it was not right for me to disturb her at that point of time, so I had insisted that we would speak maybe latter & she could carry on. She thanked me & we ended the conversation. Trust me, even that conversation of just hardly a minute or 2 gave me so much of happiness.
'slow_healer' to be frank with you, my Parents initially would not agree to our relationships, but they like me so much, that I am sure, if I convey to them that I really like her, they would finally agree to it.
& about this girl's family, where her family is in a very small city or a village at the moment. She is here in the city for work. I live here with my Parents.
When time comes, I am very confident that if I introduce her parents to my parents or vice versa, they wud agree about me getting married to her.
By the way I also felt, that I am not really trying to sound too humble or anything like that, just that I really respect her for what she is, & since I was young I always thought that whenever I get married, I would always keep the girl happy in all the best possible ways at any cost. At the moment I must also confess that I am very shy to even ask her to join me for coffee, but I am sure, if I ask for that she would not say no. I guess I would probably take that step, as it seems to be a good idea. On the other hand, eventhough you all say that this just seems to be a crush or so, I really am not sure about it, b'coz all I know, is that I cannot imajine life without her.
Anyways, let's see how things go.
Once again thank you all for your time. Have a nice day ahead..
Thank you..
I had actually finally gathered the courage to call her up over the phone, but at that point of time she was in the process of getting ready to come down to the office. She was still ready to speak to me inspite of she being busy at that point of time, but I hilghly felt that it was not right for me to disturb her at that point of time, so I had insisted that we would speak maybe latter & she could carry on. She thanked me & we ended the conversation. Trust me, even that conversation of just hardly a minute or 2 gave me so much of happiness.
'slow_healer' to be frank with you, my Parents initially would not agree to our relationships, but they like me so much, that I am sure, if I convey to them that I really like her, they would finally agree to it.
& about this girl's family, where her family is in a very small city or a village at the moment. She is here in the city for work. I live here with my Parents.
When time comes, I am very confident that if I introduce her parents to my parents or vice versa, they wud agree about me getting married to her.
By the way I also felt, that I am not really trying to sound too humble or anything like that, just that I really respect her for what she is, & since I was young I always thought that whenever I get married, I would always keep the girl happy in all the best possible ways at any cost. At the moment I must also confess that I am very shy to even ask her to join me for coffee, but I am sure, if I ask for that she would not say no. I guess I would probably take that step, as it seems to be a good idea. On the other hand, eventhough you all say that this just seems to be a crush or so, I really am not sure about it, b'coz all I know, is that I cannot imajine life without her.
Anyways, let's see how things go.
Once again thank you all for your time. Have a nice day ahead..
Thank you..
I also agree with the above posts, slow down, and whatever you do, dont just blurt out. i will change for you, you are somebody, and you deserve to be liked for your self.
Lots of women would love to have you as a freind, maybe later a boy freind I do not beleive that a woman that likes a man will tell him his faults without knowing him a little better, and i would take it as an insult, if anyone told me that unless, we knew each other a lot better, so take it slow ask her out, and if she says no, fine, you will find someone that likes you just the way you are, try working on your self esteem, remember, you are just as goos ,as anyone else, and please-keep that thought in your head, and try not to be so humble, remember God ceated us all equal, so go to some group therapy and start liking yourself, the world will not come to an end if she is not the one, look around you, there are a lot of nice woman out there do not be afraid to ask her out, then you will know whether, you really like her that much or not,you seem to be a real nice man, so dont forget that, and dont let her tell you how to act, just watch others and if you have a male freind, talk with him about these thing. good luck in all things jo
Lots of women would love to have you as a freind, maybe later a boy freind I do not beleive that a woman that likes a man will tell him his faults without knowing him a little better, and i would take it as an insult, if anyone told me that unless, we knew each other a lot better, so take it slow ask her out, and if she says no, fine, you will find someone that likes you just the way you are, try working on your self esteem, remember, you are just as goos ,as anyone else, and please-keep that thought in your head, and try not to be so humble, remember God ceated us all equal, so go to some group therapy and start liking yourself, the world will not come to an end if she is not the one, look around you, there are a lot of nice woman out there do not be afraid to ask her out, then you will know whether, you really like her that much or not,you seem to be a real nice man, so dont forget that, and dont let her tell you how to act, just watch others and if you have a male freind, talk with him about these thing. good luck in all things jo
I agree with AJH84. Go for lunch with her and get to know her. If things continue to click, then you'll know you're on the right track with this girl. Plus take her off the pedastal. If the feeling is not mutual and you two go for lunch, then you admiration may come across as unwanted pressure. She's not going to be an absolutely perfect human being (though wonderful still). If you can see her as a person, you'll be on the right track. Otherwise you'll be letting allusions get in the way.
Also if your relatively minor health problems are that unattractive to her, then maybe she isn't the woman for you. Love goes both ways and is accepting. Until you find out, I agree with AJH84 and what you've got so far is a crush. Your culture permitting, if you still feel so strongly then you need to take the next step and find out. A good pickup line is generally "hello", then maybe, "I was wondering if you would like to join me for coffee."
What part of India are you from, if you don't mind my asking.
Do consider whether or not your parents will accept your relationship with this girl. Some Indian parents are willing to take a step back and let their children "arrange themselves" so to speak. Are your parents open to love marriages? Are her parents open to love marriages? These might sound like heavy questions, but you can certainly work them out as you get to know this woman.
Either way, good luck!
Also if your relatively minor health problems are that unattractive to her, then maybe she isn't the woman for you. Love goes both ways and is accepting. Until you find out, I agree with AJH84 and what you've got so far is a crush. Your culture permitting, if you still feel so strongly then you need to take the next step and find out. A good pickup line is generally "hello", then maybe, "I was wondering if you would like to join me for coffee."
What part of India are you from, if you don't mind my asking.
Do consider whether or not your parents will accept your relationship with this girl. Some Indian parents are willing to take a step back and let their children "arrange themselves" so to speak. Are your parents open to love marriages? Are her parents open to love marriages? These might sound like heavy questions, but you can certainly work them out as you get to know this woman.
Either way, good luck!
Firstly, I would really like to thank you so much for your opinion. Seriously, your piece of advise really helped me to think, what I actually never thought about earlier. You are also exactly right in stating that I do not know anything much about her. I guess I did not convey things very clearly about the time frame of how long I knew her. Well She joined work say during mid december 2007. From 1st week of Jan 2008, the Hi/ Hello had started & what I mean by Hi/ Hello is strictly Hi/ Hello & on on a rare occassion she would have a quick talk with something with regards to work & that conversation would last only for less than 2 or 3 minutes. Now itz only since 2 weeks our converstation has gone slightly more than Hi/ Hello. Just basic conversation, like was example 'how was your day at work', 'And if she likes working during the weekends' (as work requires us to work during the weekends at times & our weekly off is on a rotation basis each month, so incase this month I have my off on friday & saturday each weeek then next month it would be on sunday & monday & again next moth it would be tuesday wednesday)/ 'if she had her lunch or had taken her coffee break'. So this the kind of basic conversation we have had since 2 weeks. Yes just to mention I have never dared to ask her out for lunch or so.
I also understand that there may things thatz got to do with my attitude/ shyness/ nature which may take a while to get it changed, maybe even 1 or 2 months, because I cannot just leave my shyness overnight. Anyways, the reason also that I felt & stated that I have fallen in Love, is because I had the same feeling for anyone earlier, the way I have had it for this girl. You were really right in stating that, without me knowing much about her, I just cannot jump into any conclusson to confirm that this is Love or not. You also stated that you are not much aware of how things work with regards to relationships in India. Well itz like this, a couple of decades ago, people were really very conservative, but now the generation is changing. Earlier here it was not common to hear about people getting a divorce, but now due to the change of generation, this is starting to become a common affair.
What was always there in my mind was to just have a single relationship, I always thought I would marry the girl whom I like very much & what was always there in my mind that I should be ready to always do anything to get the relationship going on. Also another to mention is, I also had decided that after marriage whatever happens, I would accept the girl just the way she & would not want her to change in anyway. And incase if I did not find any girl, My Parents would find a suitable girl for me. I am 26 years old at the moment and probably by the end of next year or say early 2010 my Parents would get me married of. Probably you'd be wondering why did I just jump to a conclusson suddenly that I love this girl very much without me even considering other factors as well.
Well that is part of my nature. If once something comes in my mind & I decide to do it, then I would do it any cost, whether it is right or wrong, no one can change my decison. For example, when I was buying a vehicle, I had a quick look at whatz available & then I decided to buy a particular vehicle & just informed my Dad. My Dad found that, that particular brand had various technical problems & whoever bought that vehicle, had to pay too many visits to the service stations & so my Dad asked me to go in for some other vehicle, but I was stubborn & just bought what I had decided upon. After purchasing it, I also landed in the same situation which other people were facing. Then about my career, my Dad wanted me to do my Bachelor's degree in a particular University, But I completed my graduation in a place where I preffered. So that way, just because of me taking up decisons like this, I have always ended up taking up many wrong decisons and only very few correct decisons.
Now those were all previous decisons of mine & were decisons for me personally. But this decison of mine cannot be compared with that because this is with regards to me and that girl. I really wish that things goes well & things goes just the way I thought it would.
As a matter of fact, there was something that I probably did not mention earlier, inspite of me speaking to this girl for a while, itz only on Monday evening I asked her for her phone number. I could have actually even got her phone number from the office employee database, but I did not want to do that, atleast with the start of the relationship. I just asked her for the phone number stating Ithat I need to speak to her maybe latter & she conveyed her mobile phone number to me. What was there in my mind, is that I would call her up probably within a few days & convey to her that I like her very much & convey to her the way I am ready to change myself for her if required. Just to make her feel comfortable I would also tell her that I do not want a 'Yes' now. If she wants to say 'NO' she can say so now, but if she wants sometime to think about it she can do or even if she wants to see if I really would change myself, then she can give me sometime & clearly mention how she would like me to change my attitude etc. The reason I am giving her this option of me changing myself, is b'coz I would like to be what she wanted a person in her life to be.
I really must appreciate that you had spent sometime to reveal things to me. I know I am slightly confused. But I would consider what all you had mentioned. I am also sure, that I would be devastated if she says 'No' to the relationship, but I would try and prepare myself for the worst but on a positive note, I would hope for the best.
Thank you so much once again for your opinion.I would surely consider not to call her at the moment & probably consider to try and know her. Although frankly speaking, I do not know why it makes me feel at times that her past & her family background is really not necessary to me, what is important to me is her present & future.
Thank you..
I also understand that there may things thatz got to do with my attitude/ shyness/ nature which may take a while to get it changed, maybe even 1 or 2 months, because I cannot just leave my shyness overnight. Anyways, the reason also that I felt & stated that I have fallen in Love, is because I had the same feeling for anyone earlier, the way I have had it for this girl. You were really right in stating that, without me knowing much about her, I just cannot jump into any conclusson to confirm that this is Love or not. You also stated that you are not much aware of how things work with regards to relationships in India. Well itz like this, a couple of decades ago, people were really very conservative, but now the generation is changing. Earlier here it was not common to hear about people getting a divorce, but now due to the change of generation, this is starting to become a common affair.
What was always there in my mind was to just have a single relationship, I always thought I would marry the girl whom I like very much & what was always there in my mind that I should be ready to always do anything to get the relationship going on. Also another to mention is, I also had decided that after marriage whatever happens, I would accept the girl just the way she & would not want her to change in anyway. And incase if I did not find any girl, My Parents would find a suitable girl for me. I am 26 years old at the moment and probably by the end of next year or say early 2010 my Parents would get me married of. Probably you'd be wondering why did I just jump to a conclusson suddenly that I love this girl very much without me even considering other factors as well.
Well that is part of my nature. If once something comes in my mind & I decide to do it, then I would do it any cost, whether it is right or wrong, no one can change my decison. For example, when I was buying a vehicle, I had a quick look at whatz available & then I decided to buy a particular vehicle & just informed my Dad. My Dad found that, that particular brand had various technical problems & whoever bought that vehicle, had to pay too many visits to the service stations & so my Dad asked me to go in for some other vehicle, but I was stubborn & just bought what I had decided upon. After purchasing it, I also landed in the same situation which other people were facing. Then about my career, my Dad wanted me to do my Bachelor's degree in a particular University, But I completed my graduation in a place where I preffered. So that way, just because of me taking up decisons like this, I have always ended up taking up many wrong decisons and only very few correct decisons.
Now those were all previous decisons of mine & were decisons for me personally. But this decison of mine cannot be compared with that because this is with regards to me and that girl. I really wish that things goes well & things goes just the way I thought it would.
As a matter of fact, there was something that I probably did not mention earlier, inspite of me speaking to this girl for a while, itz only on Monday evening I asked her for her phone number. I could have actually even got her phone number from the office employee database, but I did not want to do that, atleast with the start of the relationship. I just asked her for the phone number stating Ithat I need to speak to her maybe latter & she conveyed her mobile phone number to me. What was there in my mind, is that I would call her up probably within a few days & convey to her that I like her very much & convey to her the way I am ready to change myself for her if required. Just to make her feel comfortable I would also tell her that I do not want a 'Yes' now. If she wants to say 'NO' she can say so now, but if she wants sometime to think about it she can do or even if she wants to see if I really would change myself, then she can give me sometime & clearly mention how she would like me to change my attitude etc. The reason I am giving her this option of me changing myself, is b'coz I would like to be what she wanted a person in her life to be.
I really must appreciate that you had spent sometime to reveal things to me. I know I am slightly confused. But I would consider what all you had mentioned. I am also sure, that I would be devastated if she says 'No' to the relationship, but I would try and prepare myself for the worst but on a positive note, I would hope for the best.
Thank you so much once again for your opinion.I would surely consider not to call her at the moment & probably consider to try and know her. Although frankly speaking, I do not know why it makes me feel at times that her past & her family background is really not necessary to me, what is important to me is her present & future.
Thank you..
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