Fallen in Love!!

[Prince85]

I reaaly need some piece of advice.

I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.

She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.

She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.

I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.

Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.

Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.

Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.

So how do I go upto her.

I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.

So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.

Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.

What should I do??

Please help.

Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.

Your precious reply would be awaited.

Thank you.

[Prince85]

Hi people,

Firstly thank you all for your amazing messages. I really needed to hear from you. It makes me feel so comfortable. I just read my previous messages & realised I had made loads of errors out there. Sorry you had to tolerate that. Please do excuse me for all that. It's just that I was disturbed about all this & then in the hurry I had typed out the message to you all.

I agree that I had made too many mistakes with regards to the relationship as well. I should have been slow & inspite of your precious advise, I still did what I felt was right.

One of you was right in stating that in India, gold jewellery is given to someone whom you really love. I thought one day or the other I would be conveying my feelings to her, so that's why I gifted that to her, hoping that maybe on that day itself or latest by the next day I would convey my feelings for her.

Okay, now let's see why didn't I actually listen to you. Well it's because I thought that I should not be cheating her by asking her out & then slowly one fine day going upto her & telling her, 'hey look I love you'.

Anyways, so on that particular day, she kept saying 'no' to accept the gift. Then finally I had stated that incase she still denies it, I would throw it into the thrash bin. She still said no & finallly right in front of her I threw it in the thrash bin.

The next day I sent her a sms, wherein I had apologized to her. Then I tried calling her over the phone latter & she was not answerng my calls. I called her nearly 10 times, but she did not answer it. So back at the office I approacehed her & asked her why didnt she answer my calls. She only stated that she did not like the idea of me giving her a gift. I told her that I apologized for it & even still if she is annoyed I can resign from the office. She then stated that she does not mind me doing whatever I like as she is going to resign from the office soon, I told her that it is not necessary for her to leave the office because of me. But then she stated that her Grand Dad is not feeling well & she requested me not to call her on the phone again. I immdtly told her that till the end of my life I would never call her.

Then the very next day she is sent a blank sms. which I did not respond to. I do understand, that probably the blank sms had some kind of a meaning which stated that she apologized for all that happened, but she probably did not want to express it throught words & preffered to send a blank sms.

Finally I agree that I should have listened to all your words. You people are more matured enough than I am & had given the right suggestion. Anyways, after all this I know for sure, I would never like to get married to anyone.

People once again thank you for your support.

Thank you..

[Jame0223]

Hello there Prince! After reading your story, I'm really touched. You seem like such a great guy! I feel sorry that she rejected your gift, but the others are right...you need to slow it down a bit. At my very first job I worked as a waitress. We had a man there that was a busser. He was almost 7 years older then me. I am caucasion and he is mexican. I believe he is here illegally even, but he was a VERY sweet guy. He always treated me like a princess. He even called me his little princess. He did not speak to much english, but enough to have a conversation. I only saw him at work. He told me he loved me a few times...but I was never attracted to him. He kind of scared me with how forward he was with him feelings towards me. And me being 16, I didn't find it appropriate, but I am very mature for my age so I handled it the best way I knew how. I got the job there in may of 2006 I believe. And he joined just a month later. I remember one day I went to my locker to get ready for work and he approached me with a box. I opened it and it was a brand new watch. I told him I couldnt accept it, but he insisted. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I put it on. I felt weird because he gave it to me on Thanksgiving. I guess he thought that was a holiday where you give presents. I left that job a few months later. He moved to a restaurant next door and I still see him sometimes. But I still feel weird. I believe its because of the way he was so forward about his feelings..and bluntness. I was almost afraid of him...but I trusted him enough to know he never meant any harm.

I told you this story so you could get another of example. You are doing almost the same thing as the guy in mine. I was pushed away from him because of his actions. I was not attracted to him but I was always nice to him. We have each other's cell numbers too. It sounds a lot like your story...I just hope yours ends better. She may be attracted to you, just thrown off by the whole present thing. Its not too late to rekindle a friendship...but for now I think that is all you should pursue. I would be her friend..and then ask her about her feelings...if she likes you, maybe you could take another chance...if she only wants to be your friend, you have to respect her. After all being a beautiful woman's friend is better then just an aquantance right? Good luck Prince. I hope she realized you are something special!

[slow_healer]

Prince, the next step could have been coffee or lunch - not gold jewelry. Jewelry is something you buy for someone you already have an intimate relationship with - not someone you are just starting to pursue. It sounds like it came across as pushy, and now she's pushed away. Slow down!

Most women I know (Indian and otherwise) wouldn't accept gold from a male coworker with whom they've never had more than a 20 minute conversation with me. It comes across as pushy and sneaky, as though they're trying to get something from you. Going for coffee and taking it slow would have helped to establish some trust and basis for understanding each other. Then maybe to a thoughtful gift.

Maybe, before you try to pursue a relationship again, learn how to be friends with a woman. Learn to communicate as people before trying to communicate romantically. Down the road it will be very difficult to manage a marriage if you can't understand what is going on in her head.

BTW what part of India are you from? (if you don't mind my asking) Are you Sikh? Muslim? I've noticed that Indian guys (because they grow up so isolated from being friends with girls) tend to struggle with figuring out what is and is not appropriate when they want to start dating a girl. I've certainly seen it lead to awkward situations like this.

[jo929]

all of the people above have told you to take it slow, you have never asked her out, on a date, and you just pop up, and give her a-present, and have never told her anything, not even that you like her, yes you did goof up. call her, and ask her out to dinner. then go slow one does not give a gift to a woman, he has not dated, listen to the above comments , you just do not hand out a gift for no reason, and most women are taught to not accept a gift, untill they know a person real well    luck  jo

[Prince85]

Than you everyone for your advise, but I finally did what I thought was right & you know what 'I messed it up'..

Yes it's true I messed it all up.

I should have probably follwed your advise & done things accordingly, but no, I though I was a genius & whatever my mind told me to do, I did so.

It all happened the other day, wherein I posted my message that I tried calling her over the phone, but to no avail. Then I had posted my comment here about me calling her up and she not answering my call.

Then after that things went like this.

That very day I called her up thrice & my call was not answered. I got so annoyed that I had sent a statement across to her stating that 'I apologize for calling her over the phone as there nothing imp to speak & that I would never ever call her up again'. For which she apologized & replied that 'it was her fault as she left her mobile phone in silent mode & went asleep and after waking inspite of seing missed calls she did not call me up or even message me as she had to get ready to work & at the moment she was on the way to office'. I then sent a message across to her stating that 'she should not apologize as it was actually my fault & that I should have understand thesituation & should have not being so rude to her'. She then once got to office, she immdtly gave me a call to 'appologize once again'. I inturned apologized to her as well & told her that we would speak latter as she was at work now & she should not get further delay & we eneded the conversation. Now then when I got to work that day I had seen her & again apologized to her & she did the same & v'd decided v'd speak latter as people were around. Next day to my surprise she gave me a call & apologized for what happened the previous day & stated tht she did not want to hurt me in anyway. I also apologized to her & we spoke on the phone for nearly 20 mins about her fmily background education & I had given her a brief description about myself. Then we had ended the conversation. I was expecting her call. But to no wvail, she did not even bother to call me.

Then yesterday I decided that I should go the next step & gift her something good(although she is not a greedy person) but I still wanted to get her something good. I decided to get her something good. So I got her a pair of pure gold jewellery. It was gift wrapped & I had given it to her. She intially was surprised & then stated that what is all this for. Since people were around, I requstd her to kiindly accept this at the moment & v'd speak latter. But to my surprise, she had opened the gift after a short while & while ai was on a call with the customer, she came & returned it stating that she wud not accept it. That gave me the shock of my life & I was on an imp call with the client. Afterthe cal I went upto  her & forcefull gave her the gift which she said she wud not accept. Then she claimed that frm her childhood she does not accept any gift, which is totally false statement and then whey did she accept the gift earklier. Since eventhough I insisted & she did not accept I finaly told her that if she behaves this way I wud throw it in the thrash bin, which she said no. I waitd for a while and did so. She just said no.

After that there was no reaction from her. She consulted a few people about me. One person gave a major negative incorrect feeback about me which she believed it.

I was dissappointed, as she believed each and every roumors that they had spread about me.

She did not speak to me after that. I felt like leaving wrk immdtly, but what stopped me was the fact that me leaving the company people with mess around with her happiness.

I amconfusssed & have lost everthing & I have a feeling that she ha s now lost anyfeelings for me. I feel rejected. Yuck, that is a horrible feeling.

Thank you..

Have a niec day ahead.

[Prince85]

Thanks a million for your messages.

The advice you have given me is good. I am so lucky that you had come into this forum & are there to help me.

I must apologize for not coming on here since a few days to keep you updated about things. But quite a few things have happened, although nothing major, but just kind of a slight confusson here and there & I have slightly disturbed.

I am sorry, but I would prefer to explain things to you  in much more detailed format. Please give me sometime, I would post across a detailed message on what exactly has happened and is going on.

Thank you once again so much for everything. I really appreciate it. I ahve just turned on my laptop at home, just mainly to put across a short message to you. I always need your support & piece of valuable advise.

I would be conveying more details out here shortly.

Thank you once again..