Aa
Fallen in Love!!
I reaaly need some piece of advice.
I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.
She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.
She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.
I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.
Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.
Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.
Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.
So how do I go upto her.
I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.
So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.
Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.
What should I do??
Please help.
Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.
Your precious reply would be awaited.
Thank you.
I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.
She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.
She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.
I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.
Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.
Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.
Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.
So how do I go upto her.
I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.
So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.
Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.
What should I do??
Please help.
Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.
Your precious reply would be awaited.
Thank you.
I like the way AJh84 ans you, It was a honest, and very impotant ans to any one, I hope that you wont take offense at my comment, but it sounds like you have made up your mind,to do just what you intended in the first place ,It reminds me of an old saying, I hope that you have heard it,and i quote(You listen, but you do not hear.You look,but you do not see) I think all of the people on this column like, and want to help you so much, but you are really not going to listen to them, and also you say if she rejects you you will resign,That to me does not sound good, but then maybe you have enough money that you can afford to do this,again you really need to work on your self esteem, also not trying to be nosy, but have you ever had a place of your own? I do wish you luck,but hope you open those eyes, and ears, and listen to some of these good anwers, before you leap so so speak. best wishes to you jo
you gave the best and honest answer that anyone could ever want.You covered all of the bases, so to speak jo
Okay, let me start with your statement here:
"I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me."
Whatever you do, DON'T convey all of what you feel for her at the moment, as much as you want to. I'm telling you this from a young, unmarried woman's perspective, and I'm pretty sure this is how most available, unmarried women think when it comes to dating a man.
It's really wonderful that you want to do anything for her and give her everything if you could. But she needs to come to realize this on her own, over a period of a few weeks to a few months, to truly appreciate this from you. I can tell you, she would probably be overwhelmed (possibly to the point of rejecting you) if you tell her in the next few days that you like her a lot, possibly love her, and that you want her to have the option of deciding what she thinks is best for you if she wants to start a relationship with you.
She is not going to immediately feel any ties to you that go so deep to the point where she feels she has the right to tell you what she wants from you, even if she has your permission.
In a way (as she's going to see it), you're basically going to let her "play God" with your character traits and your life decisions, and then either one of two things will happen:
1) She's going to feel overwhelmed with the pressure, no matter how good your intentions. To her, that's going to be very pressuring.
2) She'll completely take advantage of the control you'll allow her to have over you, which is never a good thing in a relationship.
Most likely, she'll end up feeling and acting on the first scenario, as most women are very emotional, analytical, and nurturing--so she'll end up feeling like it's too much to take in.
You need to relax (easier said than done, I know) and hold back on what you want to give. It's so wonderful how much you want to give her--your love and options for changes to your lifestyle to suit hers--but just hold out and give a little at a time for a few weeks. In fact, the next time you have an opportunity to speak with her over the phone or whatever, you don't even have to say how much you like her just yet because I can assure you, she already knows you're attacted to her (you talk to her, you accepted her phone number, and you want to keep talking to her; this and probably body language such as smiles and eye contact have given her indication that you like her).
What you can do to IMPLY (much less overwhelming and intimidating) rather than straight-out tell her is drop compliments, like "You look nice today," "You are very smart," "You have a lovely smile/eyes," and "I'll bet you are exceptional at doing... (whatever interest or hobby she has, like painting or playing a musical instument). I'd love to see your work or see you perfom sometime."
These are all VERY strong indicators that you really like her, and not too straightforward and overwhelming to process.
When she starts returning the compliments and letting on more and more about herself and asking more about what you like, then you can start conveying that you like her as much as you do (but still not all at once).
A little at a time. That's the key. And before you know it, if things go well in the beginning, time will seem like it just flew by.
Until then, don't risk your feelings or your job with potential rejection. She's not worthy of all that just yet. You may think so, but really, she isn't, only because you haven't had the chance to know her as the person she completely is. Right now, she's still mostly who you THINK she is and who you imagine her to be. It's wise to not risk your future job opportunities and overall perspective of women and relationships (should she reject you and break your heart) over one person whom you've yet to get to know on a more personal level.
As always, my best wishes are with you! You can send me a private message any time. :-)
"I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me."
Whatever you do, DON'T convey all of what you feel for her at the moment, as much as you want to. I'm telling you this from a young, unmarried woman's perspective, and I'm pretty sure this is how most available, unmarried women think when it comes to dating a man.
It's really wonderful that you want to do anything for her and give her everything if you could. But she needs to come to realize this on her own, over a period of a few weeks to a few months, to truly appreciate this from you. I can tell you, she would probably be overwhelmed (possibly to the point of rejecting you) if you tell her in the next few days that you like her a lot, possibly love her, and that you want her to have the option of deciding what she thinks is best for you if she wants to start a relationship with you.
She is not going to immediately feel any ties to you that go so deep to the point where she feels she has the right to tell you what she wants from you, even if she has your permission.
In a way (as she's going to see it), you're basically going to let her "play God" with your character traits and your life decisions, and then either one of two things will happen:
1) She's going to feel overwhelmed with the pressure, no matter how good your intentions. To her, that's going to be very pressuring.
2) She'll completely take advantage of the control you'll allow her to have over you, which is never a good thing in a relationship.
Most likely, she'll end up feeling and acting on the first scenario, as most women are very emotional, analytical, and nurturing--so she'll end up feeling like it's too much to take in.
You need to relax (easier said than done, I know) and hold back on what you want to give. It's so wonderful how much you want to give her--your love and options for changes to your lifestyle to suit hers--but just hold out and give a little at a time for a few weeks. In fact, the next time you have an opportunity to speak with her over the phone or whatever, you don't even have to say how much you like her just yet because I can assure you, she already knows you're attacted to her (you talk to her, you accepted her phone number, and you want to keep talking to her; this and probably body language such as smiles and eye contact have given her indication that you like her).
What you can do to IMPLY (much less overwhelming and intimidating) rather than straight-out tell her is drop compliments, like "You look nice today," "You are very smart," "You have a lovely smile/eyes," and "I'll bet you are exceptional at doing... (whatever interest or hobby she has, like painting or playing a musical instument). I'd love to see your work or see you perfom sometime."
These are all VERY strong indicators that you really like her, and not too straightforward and overwhelming to process.
When she starts returning the compliments and letting on more and more about herself and asking more about what you like, then you can start conveying that you like her as much as you do (but still not all at once).
A little at a time. That's the key. And before you know it, if things go well in the beginning, time will seem like it just flew by.
Until then, don't risk your feelings or your job with potential rejection. She's not worthy of all that just yet. You may think so, but really, she isn't, only because you haven't had the chance to know her as the person she completely is. Right now, she's still mostly who you THINK she is and who you imagine her to be. It's wise to not risk your future job opportunities and overall perspective of women and relationships (should she reject you and break your heart) over one person whom you've yet to get to know on a more personal level.
As always, my best wishes are with you! You can send me a private message any time. :-)
I tried calling her just a while ago, but it's ringing no reply.
I did not want to try again atleast for the next few hours as I do not want to disturb her, since probably she might be taking rest.
I was thinking something else, how abt if I send an email across to her rather than calling her. Although I do not have her personal email address & I do not prefer sending it across to her work email address, but I can always request her for her personal email address & mail whatever I'd like to convey thru email.
So damn confussed, I really dont know what to do, but just hope things go well..
Thank you..
I did not want to try again atleast for the next few hours as I do not want to disturb her, since probably she might be taking rest.
I was thinking something else, how abt if I send an email across to her rather than calling her. Although I do not have her personal email address & I do not prefer sending it across to her work email address, but I can always request her for her personal email address & mail whatever I'd like to convey thru email.
So damn confussed, I really dont know what to do, but just hope things go well..
Thank you..
Hi thanks for your message. Today actually I was going to state that I am actually going to just call her up & convey my feelings toher. Trust me this is a very strong feeling that I have for her. Today the whole day I kept thinking of her. All this is driving me crazy. I had seen her in the office, but was unable to speak to her as the manager had called me with regards to discuuss something that was slightly important about work. Then she was not around as she works in a different department back in the office. I really like her mainly because of her simplicity & down to earth nature. I can really do anything for her. I really strongly feel that this is not just an ordinary crush, because in my life I have come across so many people & never felt like that for anyone the way I feel for her. She gives me a reason to live in this world, just a thought about her gives me a reason to smile. If I ever get to even have a quick word with her, that really makes my day.
I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me.
Please help!! I dont think I would go wrong if I call her up & ask her what feelings does she have for me as I like her very much & incase she does not like me even as a friend she can very well go ahead & convey the same to me. Incase she does give me a positive response, then I would reveal to her what I would like to do for her.
AJH84, today I am not going to even ask her to start liking me imdtly. I would tell her that if therez something she feels that I lack, she can let me know, for example if she assumes I shud have a better job, a better attitude, then I wud request her to kindly let me know about it & to give me a time frame. I would surely achieve it within that tiime frame & I can assure her that incase she requires, I can even assure her that i would not meet her until I achieve my goals.. Just to also make her feel comfortable I would even convey to her, that incase I dont achieve it, she can go ahead and forget me.
Because AJH84 I really respect her very much & I would do whatever best possible to make sure things go well with her.
I dont know whatelse to do. I guess I have an insecure feeling, that probably if I am too late, then I may not be able to have her with me. I guess maybe by the time you reply to this post, I would have given her a call. The only reason I am going to call her is because I am very shy & would never be able to speak to her all this face to face.
I would like to thank you for your amazing advise, but till today all the quick decisons I have taken, I really have no rgrets for it, although a few of the decisons my Parents did not like, but I am sure this decison would go well with your best wishes.
Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company. I know i would never be able to forget her, but atleast one regret I would never have that I did not atleast try.
I hope you would atleast partly agree with what I am doing & your best wishes are with me.
Thank you..
I do understand & respect what you were saying about going slow, but the thing is that probably I do not have the knowledge of doing things that way & I would rather prefer conveying my feeling to her at the moment & give her an option of me changing myself in anyway she thinks I should, for example with regards to my attitude or shyness. I thought about it, worst come worst, if she rejects me, I would immdtly resign from work & find a job somewhere else & keep my distance from her so that she has an amazing life ahead without me.
Please help!! I dont think I would go wrong if I call her up & ask her what feelings does she have for me as I like her very much & incase she does not like me even as a friend she can very well go ahead & convey the same to me. Incase she does give me a positive response, then I would reveal to her what I would like to do for her.
AJH84, today I am not going to even ask her to start liking me imdtly. I would tell her that if therez something she feels that I lack, she can let me know, for example if she assumes I shud have a better job, a better attitude, then I wud request her to kindly let me know about it & to give me a time frame. I would surely achieve it within that tiime frame & I can assure her that incase she requires, I can even assure her that i would not meet her until I achieve my goals.. Just to also make her feel comfortable I would even convey to her, that incase I dont achieve it, she can go ahead and forget me.
Because AJH84 I really respect her very much & I would do whatever best possible to make sure things go well with her.
I dont know whatelse to do. I guess I have an insecure feeling, that probably if I am too late, then I may not be able to have her with me. I guess maybe by the time you reply to this post, I would have given her a call. The only reason I am going to call her is because I am very shy & would never be able to speak to her all this face to face.
I would like to thank you for your amazing advise, but till today all the quick decisons I have taken, I really have no rgrets for it, although a few of the decisons my Parents did not like, but I am sure this decison would go well with your best wishes.
Incase she rejects me, I would leave this company, & try & come out all this by taking a break & then join some other company. I know i would never be able to forget her, but atleast one regret I would never have that I did not atleast try.
I hope you would atleast partly agree with what I am doing & your best wishes are with me.
Thank you..
JAXX55
Gosh, thanks! I appreciate the compliments!
Prince85
You sound like you're off to a good start so far. She seems to have a possible hint of interest if she voluntarily gave you her phone number and was willing to speak with you in the midst of a busy morning.
Just remember to take it slow in conveying your affections to her. As you said, you don't want to blindly propose to her. You also don't want to immediately come out and say things to convey the depth of what you feel for her. Take your time and let on a bit here and there, but certainly not all at once.
Keep us updated on what happens! I'm really hoping for the best for you!
Gosh, thanks! I appreciate the compliments!
Prince85
You sound like you're off to a good start so far. She seems to have a possible hint of interest if she voluntarily gave you her phone number and was willing to speak with you in the midst of a busy morning.
Just remember to take it slow in conveying your affections to her. As you said, you don't want to blindly propose to her. You also don't want to immediately come out and say things to convey the depth of what you feel for her. Take your time and let on a bit here and there, but certainly not all at once.
Keep us updated on what happens! I'm really hoping for the best for you!
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