PLease help me....

[kAlexandra]

May ...I met the most beautiful girl in the entire world...
June...we date....
July.... we break up (one month exactly; longest relationship to date)
...November 14th...I am soooo f*cking lost...
I am the most jealous person i know, i try and try and try, i think i have changed....
we live together because i am procrastinating on moving out ( money and no mattress)
I still love her so much, i want and say i want her happy and thats all that matters, but the moment she smiles bc of some other girl, friend or not (how would i know?) i am a jealous f*cking monster.... I hate who i am at the moment. we've lost who we were...i've lost who i am, i do not like upsetting her or not making her smile...her smile is the most precious thing i know, and i have completely deprived myself of that. please help  me to understand ....i know i am incredibly emotional and that i need to cool it but i cant stop thinking of her and what she may be doin, (not out of jeaoulsy, promise, just interested and miss her).
I miss so much the touch of her lips, i miss her company, her smiles her love.
iu drive myself insane with worry, for her love, for her safety...for her being.
she is not upset with me, we just dont connect like we once did.
she was and is my world, and i have turned it completely upside down.

i often end up blaming myself for everything....its my nature, to be completely emotional and perhaps helpless as well as (now) hopeless.

desperate for answers...and still so in love


thank you for your time. everything greatly accepted...
also, please be real...not degrading, that is not why i am here.

thanks again

[Julie359]

Can i ask how old u are?  Just you said the longest relationship to date is 1 month..... You do sound young at heart (please don't take offense to that).  It just sounds as if u fell very quickly and deeply in love with this girl and now it is over you have become somewhat obessed with her.  

I agree with Judy, there has to be an underlining reason for this behaviour.  Maybe past girlfriends have seen something within your personalilty that scares them off of u or they have continuely cheated on you, so you have developed a neediness and this jealous nature??  It sounds as if u need some kind of counsiling oe therapy as it sounds clear that something has gone on in ur past that is causing you to behave like this.... Only when u have dealt with it will u be able to move forward and have long stable relationships without you becoming as u put it a jealous monster.

[Judy246]

sorry for the typo's "unfounded jelousy "right" now", "What has happened to your "past".  Good Luck...Judy

[Judy246]

As a result from your insecurities and unfounded jelousy ight now, you are your own worst enemy and are becoming self destructive to your own happiness. What is causing this behavior? What has happened in your last or lack of to make you so insecure resulting in self destructive behavior.  I recommend counseling to get to the bottom of your issues, that way you will be helping yourself and can bring a positive attitude and environment into your relationship. Only you know why she is gone and if she doesn't comeback. I believe there is hope, but you need to take time to soul search and come to terms with these demons within. I strongly recommend counseling and once you are ready to offer her the world, call her back, arrange to meet with her only if she wants to, apologize for your behavior and insecurities and ask for a second change. If you love her and she is worth it, go for it, but you need counseling to get to the bottom of your problems, past, present and move onto the future.  Good Luck, Judy

[younggrandmother]

I am sorry that you are having such a tough time with this, no break up is easy. I think the only way is to put some space between you and her. It is going to be hard but not as hard as watching her every day and some day with someone else.  Try not to be so jealous, I know it is hard but for some it could run them right out of a relationship .= ( wish you much luck and try to be strong.