I had an affair

[Stressgirl]

I don't know what to do.  I have been married for 12 years.  I recently had an affair that lasted over 3 years.  I feel so guilty.  My husband does not know about it, but suspected here and there.  I always said if he had an affair I didn't want to know about it because what good would that do me except just hurt me.  I think he has adopted that attitude also because I think he "knows" but doesn't want to believe it so he doesn't.  The problem is I just can't hardly live with this guilt.  It is eating me up.  I hate that I did it.  I still think of the other man everyday.  I still love and miss him.  Its been 8 months since I had sex with this other guy. I know I need to just not think about it and go on living my life, but this consumes my thoughts every day.  I worry constantly that my husband will find out.  He will be devasted.  It makes me hate myself.  I want to run away.  Plese don't ever get involved in anything like this.  I just don't know what to do. I feel like I should just go ahead and get a divorce before he finds out because I can't live this way.  If not for my affair I think our relationship would be ok.

I know that no one here can really help me.  I guess I just needed to release.

[heatherlynn22]

i also asked my dh about this. he said if i'd ever done something so disrespectful, so deceiving and only thought of myself like that instead of my family.....he's want to know and that i should tell him because it's only fair to him and yes he'd divorce me. which i don't blame him. if he did that to me i'd divorce him. we both have a zero tolerance for cheating.

[beautifulbritty712]

I just wanted you to know I asked my bf what he thinks about this and if he would have rather not known about it and all he gave me was "I don't know." He got quiet after this so I didn't want to press the subject, but I will ask again when he is in the mood to talk and let you know then.

[beautifulbritty712]

Thank you, but I still think he would have rather me not to have told him but I forgot to ask him. I will ask as soon as I remember, maybe it will help to hear his side since he actually experienced this.

[peaceinknowing]

That was a good thing of you to go to him and let him know, even if it was a day after, year after or months after. The point is, is that you were completely honest with him and in my eyes that is beyond commendable. I hope that all is well for you now, though sweety!

[beautifulbritty712]

I personally know what it is like to do this to someone you love, because I did it in the past. I realize there are a lot of reasons someone would do this, but it doesn't mean she doesn't love him. I guess you are right though, even if it is harsh it is just the opinions of everyone. I did tell my boyfriend when I cheated on him, one of the times. I told him months later and it still hurt him so bad. We worked things out, but now everytime he does something wrong, no matter what it is, he says well at least I didn't cheat on you! He gets upset about it still, and it was years ago. I think he would have rather I never told him, but I'm not sure I never asked. Next time I talk to him I will ask how he feels about it and let you guys know.

[peaceinknowing]

While I respect your opinion on this matter, I also have to disagree with what you're saying about any and all of the members who've taken the time to hand out the opinions from us that this woman has whole heartedly asked for at this time. I don't feel as though any member here has judged this women; But instead has given her the advice she asked for in the first place. Tough love goes a very long way in this day and age... Unfortunately for some, so does the truth.