I might be too needy...

[special_man]

I am now 33 years of age.  I have only been involved with two or three women intimately.  Each time, I am the one who is the more possessive and needy partner.  I don't demand too many things or sex too often but I really feel like I am too needy.  I tend to over analyze every part of every conversation.  If she is in a bad mood for any reason, I blame myself for it.  Currently, I am engaged and soon to be married.  Sometimes, I feel like I want the relationship to stabilize and last forever more than she does.  In some sense, I feel like I put much more into it than her.  I always feel that way, generally, in many things in life not only relationships.  I am very prudent and on the perfectionist side.  Does that weaken me in some sense?  Because in every case, the terms never go in my favor.  I want to be fair but at the same time, if the partner is not willing to put in as much as I do, is that predictive of a non lasting relationship?  For example, my fiance says she loves me so much.  If she doesn't see me for one day she gets really crappy, headaches, etc but if I don't go to see her, she comes to see me but rather reluctantly.  We don't live together yet by consensus. Also, I would do everything she wants for her but if she doesn't like it, she would not do it just to please me as I very often do.  How do I resolve this without sounding frustrated and introducing some hostilities into the relationship?  Specially the part where she would hardly ever go out of her way to simply make me happy bothers me a lot.  I would really never want her to go out of her way but the gesture would mean a lot to me.

Should I just let go of things and let her leave if she wants?  I really do not need much material things or any service from my partners.  I do everything myself.    

[coolas]

it sounds like you are codependent..  You should really look into that.. Codependents ultimately don't have successful relationships because there is a lack of balance; one tends to be dominant and want it all their own way and the other tends to be a pleaser who thinks that their partner's happiness equals their happiness by default; but as you see, when you run around trying to please somebody to your own detriment, you end up empty and resentful.

You need to work on being a complete person, to stop seeking others' attention/approval/affirmation as a way to validate yourself.  I would suggest a good place to start is by reading a book on raising self esteem and also one on codependent relationships.  I would not marry this girl, in relationships, we attract who we are and who you are is needy and insecure; work on those issues and you will have better relationships.

Best wishes

[iam1butterfly]

The "neediness" is a result of insecurity... which doesn't necessarily weaken you, but,
it does make you vulnerable as it can leave you with feelings of not being adequately validated. And, feeling valued and appreciated is the very essence of a loving and lasting relationship.

The solution is to openly discuss what you both want and need from the relationship and than, establish some sort of equity and balance. If you're doing more than your 50% in the relationship, you're doing too much; and, she too little. Some people are okay with an imbalance in a relationship... but usually, in the short term. But, in the long term... an imbalance leads to more imbalance. Then, frustration and resentment set in.

I agree with teko that, talk is key... and, I believe that a display of appreciation and consideration speaks volumes.

[teko]

A perfectionist rarely ever pleases themselves or anyone else. I know because I have lived that life.  The expectations are too high to live up to. When two people love each other, they should do it freely, unconditionally. If you can do this you will be a very happy person. To try to control a situation or person will end badly. Communication is the key to a good relationship, talk talk and talk somemore. And be yourself, not representative of someone who you think you should be. If you lower your expectations of yourself and your mate, you will not be disappointed.