My boyfriend won't sleep in the same room as me

[KatieP154]

I've recently been having trouble sleeping with and feeling close to my boyfriend of four years. We've recently moved in together, three months ago, but for the last two years we've been sleeping at each others apartments most nights, this was only an occasional problem then. I really believe that we should be sleeping in the same bed, or maybe that's just what I really really want.

However, it is inevitable that he'll wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning, get up for a little while and then end up sleeping in another room. This has been frustrating me because its depressing to wake up with him gone, sort of like I'm to blame. Of course, I want him to get plenty of good sleep, but when we sleep in separate rooms, I don't sleep well. It's also extremely depressing to completely resign myself to having separate bedrooms. I find it hard to even look at him during the day and usually end up crying if he tries to come into my room before going back to sleep in his.

We are having less sex because of this issue, since we would often have sex before sleeping or in the morning after waking up. Plus, there's no desire for romance when one of us is miserable or sleep deprived.

Neither of us snore, although he says that sometimes I cough in my sleep, and we have a fan or air conditioner on for both the noise and the heat. I use my own top sheet and he has a comforter so we don't touch and I try to sleep as close to the edge as I can in order to not disturb him if I need to turn over. I've suggested getting a tempurpedic, but he doesn't want to spend the money. I know that he loves me a lot and cares about our future together, but the issue has been such a problem that he will no longer talk about it, which just makes me feel very lonely.

I've run out of ideas, any suggestions?

[CDav1]

It might be because I'm old fashion or raised old fashion and also raised in church but you really shouldn't be living and having sexual relationships with each other if your not married. Sorry but that has to be said, now to your question, it may not be you it might just be him. If he loves you like how you say he does then him not sleeping in the same room or bed with you is actually the right thing to do and he is just trying to do right by you. And him not wanting to talk about is okay because I once knew a man who is now with the Lord who never complained or spoke his mind where it wasn't needed. He was a kind old man who died from stage 4 or 5 cancer. But when he was stage 2 he never said a word about it in fact he took a transmission out of a big van, that holds about 16 people, and he put it back in. He never complained about his pain even before his death. If you wanted him to say anything about it you had to pry it out of him. Point is there is people like your boyfriend. So don't worry about it.

[specialmom]

Hi.  I don't know how long you have been together but that can make a difference.  Sometimes the longer you are with someone, the more used to them you become.  I have gotten used to my husband.  Ha.  You should think so, right?  But I too am a super light sleeper and value my sleep very much.  I don't function well without it and do best with NINE hours (I know . . . pathetic that I need that much and rarely do I really get it).  After years together, other things come into play like the comfort of my own bed, the familiar sounds, etc.  It really helps me to have some kind of white noise in the room.  I run a fan a lot of the time.  A king bed also helps.  But I remember early on . . . and in my sleep deprived little children years having a lot of trouble getting used to sleeping with another.  

good luck dear

[dancinglife123]

I want so much to sleep with my boyfriend. I love him and he loves me. We are so good together. It's just that, i sense his energy and I can't totally relax. Just him touching me wakes me up, though I hardly go into a REM sleep. He's understanding, but not fully. He wants to make love a lot, and though it relaxes me, it totally wakes me up. I always sleep in for at least two hours after he gets up.

[BrittanyRB]

My boyfriend well not come to bed he says it to cold in the bedroom why is he saying this now so I ask my mom for a heater and when we got it was the wrong one and he go that was your excuse for me to go to bed like why would he say this that really hurt all I want is time together and our cuddles back I get nightmares a lot and it just like he know and not really wake up when I do but he pulls my closer to him and I know it was just a dream when he does this and it make me fell safe and I can go right back to sleep but when he not in bedroom with me Im up every 2 or 3 hour going to check on him and if I have a nightmare Im up for like 2 hours because I cant sleep we only be together for 4 month I don't to lose him I love him so much please I dont want this to end please someone help me on this I dont know what to did or done  I havent told him how I feel but I know he knows deep down how I feel because I ask to come to bed and he also said he like sleeping on the couch better how is it better with out me what am I doing wrong someone please help me on this

[Emcat777]

LOL, I thought you meant some kind of test to see if he's gay!  ha ha ha ha

[specialmom]

Oh,  M CAT is the test that one takes to get into medical school.  

anyway, yes, break ups are hard.  Stay busy and keep a journal.  It will be better when he does actually go.  Ya know, I don't care what anyone says------------ close friendships with x's rarely work.  Reason being, one typically has some hidden feelings left over.  I honestly would not be thrilled with my husband keeping in touch with an x on a regular basis.  Luckily, my husband doesn't do facebook or any of those sites that cause so many problems and is so busy working that he has no spare time for such nonsense.  But I really think it is a red flag that he talks to his ex every day.  

You will find someone to have the kind of relationship you'd like.  Don't settle until you find it.  good luck

[Emcat777]

Yeah, pretty bummed today as we still haven't discussed when he's moving out.  I just know that this situation makes me so unhappy because I'm a snuggler!  It also messes with my mind thinking maybe he's got something going on the side, x-girlfriend as she still calls and texts him on a daily basis.  It just doesn't feel right.  Never fun going thru a breakup.  Glad he had to work today!  I'm not sure what test you are talking about though..??