My boyfriend won't sleep in the same room as me

[KatieP154]

I've recently been having trouble sleeping with and feeling close to my boyfriend of four years. We've recently moved in together, three months ago, but for the last two years we've been sleeping at each others apartments most nights, this was only an occasional problem then. I really believe that we should be sleeping in the same bed, or maybe that's just what I really really want.

However, it is inevitable that he'll wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning, get up for a little while and then end up sleeping in another room. This has been frustrating me because its depressing to wake up with him gone, sort of like I'm to blame. Of course, I want him to get plenty of good sleep, but when we sleep in separate rooms, I don't sleep well. It's also extremely depressing to completely resign myself to having separate bedrooms. I find it hard to even look at him during the day and usually end up crying if he tries to come into my room before going back to sleep in his.

We are having less sex because of this issue, since we would often have sex before sleeping or in the morning after waking up. Plus, there's no desire for romance when one of us is miserable or sleep deprived.

Neither of us snore, although he says that sometimes I cough in my sleep, and we have a fan or air conditioner on for both the noise and the heat. I use my own top sheet and he has a comforter so we don't touch and I try to sleep as close to the edge as I can in order to not disturb him if I need to turn over. I've suggested getting a tempurpedic, but he doesn't want to spend the money. I know that he loves me a lot and cares about our future together, but the issue has been such a problem that he will no longer talk about it, which just makes me feel very lonely.

I've run out of ideas, any suggestions?

[specialmom]

Hi emcat (cool name.  Did you take the test????)!  I am sorry it came to that with your boyfriend, I'm sure you are bummed.  It is always sad when a relationship ends.  But better now than after a wedding.

This thread is old and often posts get missed.  You can start a new thread if you'd like and probably get more responses.

I too often wonder what happens to people that post and then we don't hear from them again.  I wish that we'd receive follow up memos!  

Okay, welcome to med help.

[Emcat777]

I've been going through the same thing with my boyfriend/fiance.  For the past couple of months he has been sleeping on the couch.  He knows it bugs the hell out of me!  Now he even decides he needs alone time and will go watch tv in bed while i'm downstairs.  Well today I broke up with him.  I was just wondering whatever happened to some of you that went thru the same thing. Did you ever resolve it, still together or did you just adjust?

[meee983652]

I'm only 23 and moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago. He has always been a light sleeper and says i wake him up with my nightmares and snoring. I'm really embarrassed about this as i never used to do it when i first got with him. I'm getting upset aS we are still in the honeymoon period but have in my eyes grown apart :-( please help me. Do i go and see someone or do i get my boyfriend to see a sleep therapist as i think he got things on his mind which are stopping him from sleeping? X

[Gee100]

hiya i ave the same problem. my boyfriend of 5 yrs who is 28 sleeps each night on the sofa and i in the bedroom. i feel lonely. i know it is never gonna change it has not for the last 4 or more years. we have sex one a month when he feels he wants to. we have been trying for a baby for 4 years lol and i now i will never conceive as lack of action. i am 33 and time is running out for me. i am thinking of leaving him in a couple of yrs if no different when my son who is 14 from previous relationship has left school. i want to move down south. i know my boyfriend would never want to move from the town we live in. i wanted a sibling for my son when he was 2. I have wanted another baby for 12 years and my boyfriend knows this. I know he loves me, but i dont even get a cuddle or a kiss. I feel like my heart could turn to stone if i go on like this. I know we are not teenagers but i am sure adults do more than nothing, dont they?

[ang829]

I realize that nobody has posted on this forum recently but I've just found it. Im in a very similar situation with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. We have lived together for about 2 1/2 years and for the past 9 months he has stopped sleeping in our bedroom. He's always been a light sleeper but now when I ask him to try sleeping in here he says he just cant sleep good when he does. It never seemed to be a problem before so I just dont get it. We barely ever have sex now and I'm just feeling really bad about our relationship. I feel there is so much distance between us and it seems that it doesnt even bother him. Im beginning to feel like room mates and I dont know what to do?! I almost want to move out just to see if it makes him want to be closer to me again.. what do you guys think? 9 months is a long time to feel lonely... and it's really taking a toll on me :'(

[girllondon]

Hi!
Its good to hear that you have the same problem as I have with my boyfriend... We have been together for 2 years and moved in a month ago. We have never had bigger problems with sleeping together in the same bed on the weekends or during holidays. Since we moved in we have not had a single night that he wasnt waking up, and waking me up as a result... i think he sleeps very light. He falls asleep very quickly but wakes up suddenly...during night and cant go back to sleep. He says that he is very stressed because of work so at times he sleeps in different room, so that we can catch up on sleep. The only problem is that it makes me feel like Im his flatmate only... not a close person with whom you spend intimate moments during night. Moreover it also puts me off sex as I dont feel close anymore. Any suggestion? Help...I am fed up with it...