Hi 23 year old male, I seem to have a problem with making connections with people romantically. The problem isn't getting someone to love me but feeling that for someone else. I had few relationships growing up, but a serious one when I was 17. I was madly in love with this girl and It felt like she was too. Then after 6 months broke it off with me for her ex but strung me along up until I was about 21 and I finally wised up. Started dating this girl I sorta knew and it was amazing, up until she said I love you and things felt pressured. And then I found she lied to me about having herpes. We were off and on for over a year because I kept doubting myself and asking "do I love her?" "No I don't" "but I do" back and forth. In hindsight I'm sure I loved her. After that me and a close friend hooked up and things were just run for like 6 months until she wanted more and I didn't. She ended up talking to a friend of mine and it made
Me jealous. I thought it was because I had feelings so we dated but I ruined it because 3 days in I doubted my feelings for her to the point I was getting nervous, sweating, not eating etc.
I've never been good about relationships or meeting people. My parents are divorced, my brother has a drug fueled horrible marriage and my other brother got left 10 years later with no warning. It's always been a joke that I'm incapable of love or never getting married, but I'm getting to think its actually true or that I've convinced myself. Everyone makes it seem so easy, and I just can't fathom it. 2 weeks ago a random thought am
I gay? Popped in my head and my anxiety went through the roof and has been
Ever since, I've always found women attractive so I've been trying to reassure myself and checking everyone out. I feel like my heads going to explode. I'm seeing a therapist on Thursday, but j was wondering if anyone had any insight? Are these all obsessive thoughts that I'm letting take control? I've done the same with hypochondria before. I feel so lost.