Aa
Sexless Marriage
I am seriously considering leaving my marriage. I know my husband is a good man with a kind heart, but there is a great divide in our sex life. We have been together about 10 years We have a 5 year old daughter. As is typical, in the beginning of our relationship, things were hot. Sex was frequent and amazing.. It would be easy to presume that once our daughter was born, the flames subsided. That is not the case. Those flames started to dwindle down before I even became pregnant. I was vocal about my concerns and he would make excuses. Excuses varied from fear of getting me pregnant to his own insecurities of being over weight. Jump ahead 9 months. Our daughter was born. Sex life only continued to dwindle down. I got an IUD implanted so another pregnancy would not be a fear. We both gained quite a bit of weight, but we were happy. We enjoyed our daughter. Eventually, I started to get frustrated and voiced my concerns about the lack of sex. His selfishness when sex would happen. I explained that I don't expect to orgasm every single time we have sex, but when sex is only once ever 2-3 months, It had better count.
I would let him know that I had come to the resolve that I am just a much more sexual person than he is and he was not keeping up with me. After we would have these talks he would promise me that we will work on it, and that things will get better. Usually they would for a few weeks and then fall right back into a rut routine. I must also add that during this time, he stopped touching me, kissing me, embracing me, flirting with me and even complimenting me. There was literally no spark between us. By now, we were also planning our wedding. I remember numerous conversations with him where I expressed my worry that I was marrying into a sexless, unaffectionate relationship. He assured me (as he had before) that things would change. . As usual, they did briefly, but nothing earth shattering. We got Married.... My new husband didn't even have sex with me on my wedding night..... Enough said, right? I should have run while I still could. We are married.. We have spurts of good, consistent sex, but only after I have to ask for it and complain that we are in a rut. During all these conversations he would have varying excuses, some of them re-hashed. Weight, being tired, our daughter being in the house but eventually a new excuse came about. He confessed to me that he felt he didn't have a strong erection. That he had felt a change where his penis didn't get as hard anymore. I was floored. I hadn't noticed anything. I was content with his erection during sex. I didn't notice a change. I tried to assure him that I was satisfied with him and my only complaint was that he didn't give me enough of it. That I wanted more of what he had to give. He remained unaffectionate and unable to even reach out and touch me unless prompted to do so. I sit here and write this painfully reminded that I wish my husband would just reach out and grab my *** some time. It never happens. I also want to highlight a point in time that really stands out to me. We both lost a lot of weight. We had a complete lifestyle change. We looked great, we felt better and gained confidence. You would think we would have banged each others brains out, right? Nope. that whole period of time, over 6 months, no sex. He never even touched me. I made a point of not reaching out to him to see how long he would go without. After 6 plus months, I finally started a conversation asking what was missing from our relationship? He mentioned sex but had no explanation as to why there had been such a lull. After that, I tried a new approach, I tried to get him to talk about it as much as possible. I wanted him to tell me his fantasies, his desires, to confess to me what really turns him on. He had no answer for me. He could not tell me he likes legs in heels, or girls in thongs or porn or girl on girl, or sex toys, or sex in inappropriate places, or tying each other up, or a specific sex position or a certain place he liked to be touched or really any naughty thing he would like me to do, other than a **. That's all I got from him. He likes **'s. I actually did already know that. I would do it for him whenever asked, but he never asks. So, I decided to take things into my own hands (almost literally) and I ordered some sex toys. I asked him to look at the website and pick something out. He was unable to do so. Couldn't find a single thing he was interested in. He told me to order what I wanted so I did. That package is still in his top dresser drawer, unopened. That is where he put it when I handed it to him to look at. I know he knows its there but he avoids it like the plague. When I bring it up, his only response is that he doesn't want to be replaced by a toy. I am baffled by this because I make it clear to him that I would prefer him every time, but he wont give himself to me. So Ill jump ahead to this past Valentines Day. We had sex twice that weekend. WooHoo!!! But to my dismay, it was all about him. Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam. No climax for me. Last one before that was Thanksgiving night. I remember because for once, it was amazing. For once, completely unprompted, he took me in his mouth and ran his tongue over my clit until I came. I came hard. It was good. Thank god it was good, because apparently it had to last. So back to Valentines Day. Sex twice... No orgasm for me. No attention to my clit. No hands on me for foreplay. Just in, and out. 10 minutes tops. At least he got me flowers, right? So lastly, this week, I started a text conversation with him to open a dialog that would hopefully jump start us again. He drops a bomb on me. He feels he has a medical problem. No just a weak erection, but sometimes the inability to even get an erection. He tells me that there were past instances when he wanted to reach out and touch me and had the desire to have sex but that it was a "No-Go"... He feels that those couple instances are what is deterring him now. He is afraid it will happen again. He stressed that just having this conversation was embarrassing and that he didn't have the courage to see a doctor. I had no idea what to say except to ensure him that he should never be embarrassed with me, that he can tell me anything. I asked him to let me try and help him the best I could. Through the day, I tried to flirt with him telling him that when he got home, there was a ** waiting for him. He got his ** that night. No, reciprocation for me. But that's ok, we are working on him. While he was asleep that night, I snuck my hand down his boxers and played a bit. No trouble with an erection popping up there. That morning I made sure to check, morning wood popped up. I had several more conversations reminding him that I have been waiting since November (remember, that amazing oral sex on Thanksgiving? ). He swears he knows. He swears he will take care of me, but here we are, Wednesday. He has yet to put a hand on me. He has yet to kiss me. He has yet to even look me in the eyes and say he loves me. I write this in tears because I have myself convinced that its not him, its me. I don't turn him on. He is not attracted to me. When a man is attracted to a woman, he reaches out and touches her, he gets caught looking at her. He tells her how beautiful she is. I get none of that from him and I am fading. See its not just about the physical intimacy, there is very little emotional intimacy. We love our daughter, we parent very well together. We work well as team, we make each other laugh. He is kind. We mostly argue only over unimportant things. Where we fail so tragically is in that spark. We lost it. We have rekindled it briefly and lost it again. Its just not there anymore and I don't think its normal to have to work so hard at keeping it there. I feel like it should come naturally. I am lost. He is lost. I am frustrated, lonely and horny and feel like I have no where to turn for answers.
I would let him know that I had come to the resolve that I am just a much more sexual person than he is and he was not keeping up with me. After we would have these talks he would promise me that we will work on it, and that things will get better. Usually they would for a few weeks and then fall right back into a rut routine. I must also add that during this time, he stopped touching me, kissing me, embracing me, flirting with me and even complimenting me. There was literally no spark between us. By now, we were also planning our wedding. I remember numerous conversations with him where I expressed my worry that I was marrying into a sexless, unaffectionate relationship. He assured me (as he had before) that things would change. . As usual, they did briefly, but nothing earth shattering. We got Married.... My new husband didn't even have sex with me on my wedding night..... Enough said, right? I should have run while I still could. We are married.. We have spurts of good, consistent sex, but only after I have to ask for it and complain that we are in a rut. During all these conversations he would have varying excuses, some of them re-hashed. Weight, being tired, our daughter being in the house but eventually a new excuse came about. He confessed to me that he felt he didn't have a strong erection. That he had felt a change where his penis didn't get as hard anymore. I was floored. I hadn't noticed anything. I was content with his erection during sex. I didn't notice a change. I tried to assure him that I was satisfied with him and my only complaint was that he didn't give me enough of it. That I wanted more of what he had to give. He remained unaffectionate and unable to even reach out and touch me unless prompted to do so. I sit here and write this painfully reminded that I wish my husband would just reach out and grab my *** some time. It never happens. I also want to highlight a point in time that really stands out to me. We both lost a lot of weight. We had a complete lifestyle change. We looked great, we felt better and gained confidence. You would think we would have banged each others brains out, right? Nope. that whole period of time, over 6 months, no sex. He never even touched me. I made a point of not reaching out to him to see how long he would go without. After 6 plus months, I finally started a conversation asking what was missing from our relationship? He mentioned sex but had no explanation as to why there had been such a lull. After that, I tried a new approach, I tried to get him to talk about it as much as possible. I wanted him to tell me his fantasies, his desires, to confess to me what really turns him on. He had no answer for me. He could not tell me he likes legs in heels, or girls in thongs or porn or girl on girl, or sex toys, or sex in inappropriate places, or tying each other up, or a specific sex position or a certain place he liked to be touched or really any naughty thing he would like me to do, other than a **. That's all I got from him. He likes **'s. I actually did already know that. I would do it for him whenever asked, but he never asks. So, I decided to take things into my own hands (almost literally) and I ordered some sex toys. I asked him to look at the website and pick something out. He was unable to do so. Couldn't find a single thing he was interested in. He told me to order what I wanted so I did. That package is still in his top dresser drawer, unopened. That is where he put it when I handed it to him to look at. I know he knows its there but he avoids it like the plague. When I bring it up, his only response is that he doesn't want to be replaced by a toy. I am baffled by this because I make it clear to him that I would prefer him every time, but he wont give himself to me. So Ill jump ahead to this past Valentines Day. We had sex twice that weekend. WooHoo!!! But to my dismay, it was all about him. Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam. No climax for me. Last one before that was Thanksgiving night. I remember because for once, it was amazing. For once, completely unprompted, he took me in his mouth and ran his tongue over my clit until I came. I came hard. It was good. Thank god it was good, because apparently it had to last. So back to Valentines Day. Sex twice... No orgasm for me. No attention to my clit. No hands on me for foreplay. Just in, and out. 10 minutes tops. At least he got me flowers, right? So lastly, this week, I started a text conversation with him to open a dialog that would hopefully jump start us again. He drops a bomb on me. He feels he has a medical problem. No just a weak erection, but sometimes the inability to even get an erection. He tells me that there were past instances when he wanted to reach out and touch me and had the desire to have sex but that it was a "No-Go"... He feels that those couple instances are what is deterring him now. He is afraid it will happen again. He stressed that just having this conversation was embarrassing and that he didn't have the courage to see a doctor. I had no idea what to say except to ensure him that he should never be embarrassed with me, that he can tell me anything. I asked him to let me try and help him the best I could. Through the day, I tried to flirt with him telling him that when he got home, there was a ** waiting for him. He got his ** that night. No, reciprocation for me. But that's ok, we are working on him. While he was asleep that night, I snuck my hand down his boxers and played a bit. No trouble with an erection popping up there. That morning I made sure to check, morning wood popped up. I had several more conversations reminding him that I have been waiting since November (remember, that amazing oral sex on Thanksgiving? ). He swears he knows. He swears he will take care of me, but here we are, Wednesday. He has yet to put a hand on me. He has yet to kiss me. He has yet to even look me in the eyes and say he loves me. I write this in tears because I have myself convinced that its not him, its me. I don't turn him on. He is not attracted to me. When a man is attracted to a woman, he reaches out and touches her, he gets caught looking at her. He tells her how beautiful she is. I get none of that from him and I am fading. See its not just about the physical intimacy, there is very little emotional intimacy. We love our daughter, we parent very well together. We work well as team, we make each other laugh. He is kind. We mostly argue only over unimportant things. Where we fail so tragically is in that spark. We lost it. We have rekindled it briefly and lost it again. Its just not there anymore and I don't think its normal to have to work so hard at keeping it there. I feel like it should come naturally. I am lost. He is lost. I am frustrated, lonely and horny and feel like I have no where to turn for answers.
Best Answer
You mention all the wonderful things you both have in common. Embrace those. Find a way to deal with being horny and enjoy these moments where there is no tragety to separate him from you permanently. There comes a time.
That is really interesting. I never thought of that. I would say that may be possible now, but wasn't at all a possibility when we had our "spark"..
I agree with that, that is what makes it so difficult.
However, I consider sex and physical/ emotional intimacy extremely important in a healthy relationship. I can love things about and have things in common with a really good friend. I feel I require and deserve more from a Husband.
However, I consider sex and physical/ emotional intimacy extremely important in a healthy relationship. I can love things about and have things in common with a really good friend. I feel I require and deserve more from a Husband.
There's a possibility that he has low testosterone. It affects many aspects, not just the sexual ones, of a man's life. Low testosterone can cause depression, sleep disturbances and low energy levels. It can also cause a man to have some sort of impotence. It's possible that he's afraid he won't be able to perform, even if his body does respond to stimulus when he's sleeping, that doesn't mean his mind will accept that he will be able to perform.
On top of that, low testosterone can make a man feel less sensual because they AREN'T feeling sexual urges, so it doesn't even pop into their mind to grab their wife's butt or make any sort of sexual advance. Add into that the fact that, since they aren't feeling like they can perform, they are afraid to be sensual because they are afraid it will lead to HAVING to perform, and it turns into a Catch-22.
I would be supportive of him and offer to go with him to get a full blood work up. Let him know it's not his fault if he has low testosterone. It doesn't reflect on him as a man, it's just one of those things that some men have and there are ways to raise the testosterone back up, if that's what the issue turns out to be.
On top of that, low testosterone can make a man feel less sensual because they AREN'T feeling sexual urges, so it doesn't even pop into their mind to grab their wife's butt or make any sort of sexual advance. Add into that the fact that, since they aren't feeling like they can perform, they are afraid to be sensual because they are afraid it will lead to HAVING to perform, and it turns into a Catch-22.
I would be supportive of him and offer to go with him to get a full blood work up. Let him know it's not his fault if he has low testosterone. It doesn't reflect on him as a man, it's just one of those things that some men have and there are ways to raise the testosterone back up, if that's what the issue turns out to be.
I very much appreciate you taking the time to reply and providing such supportive, helpful information. I am going to relay that to him. I did schedule a full physical for him in April. Hopefully he will be comfortable enough to bring it up to the DR and request the blood work. I would be happy to go with him, but I know it will make it more uncomfortable for him if I am there.
Sometimes he does it for the baby the child yall have not saying she's a problem he just have respect not to do it with her in the house or whatever but talk to him about it
Isn't that just an excuse though? If he "wanted" it bad enough, I would think he would go out of his way to arrange a sitter so that we have the house to ourselves. He does that with other things he is interested in.
Not to be rude, but is there any possibility he could be seeing another woman or viewing porn or hiding his true sexual identity, e.g. gay?
Does he have or has he had a lot of stress from other family members and/or his job?
Any history of psych problems, e.g. depression? Any medical history?
Does he have or has he had a lot of stress from other family members and/or his job?
Any history of psych problems, e.g. depression? Any medical history?
I really don't think so, but anything is possible right? I have never found anything incriminating. He claims to never watch porn. I have never seen any evidence of porn on our computer or his phone.
Job/ Finances are stressful, for both of us. We talk about that. When he has a rough day at work, he just wants down time on the couch. When I have a rough day at work, I want to be in his arms. I have had that exact conversation with him.
No history of psych problems. No current medical issues.
Just this past weekend he did drop a bomb on me... He wants to have another baby... We were deadest that we were done. Now he has changed his mind.
Job/ Finances are stressful, for both of us. We talk about that. When he has a rough day at work, he just wants down time on the couch. When I have a rough day at work, I want to be in his arms. I have had that exact conversation with him.
No history of psych problems. No current medical issues.
Just this past weekend he did drop a bomb on me... He wants to have another baby... We were deadest that we were done. Now he has changed his mind.
Another baby? Hmmm, he sounds confused dear. This just doesn't make sense.
When is his doctor's appointment?
When is his doctor's appointment?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I do find it interesting that a man who doesn't want to have sex much is wanting another baby. This is almost like the reversal of the clichéd man and woman sexual relationship. Women not interested until she wants to conceive.
I agree about having his testosterone levels checked.
Are you the bread winner? I only ask because I wonder if he feels less masculine in your shadow in some way. The way you write is very direct and perhaps at times this feels unsexy to him. I am probably not expressing myself very well here, sorry. I asked about him being intimidated by you because you are clearly a formidable person. You are articulate and very matter of fact. Do your personalities clash?
Could he be upset about something else and sex is what he has to hold back from you?
I agree about having his testosterone levels checked.
Are you the bread winner? I only ask because I wonder if he feels less masculine in your shadow in some way. The way you write is very direct and perhaps at times this feels unsexy to him. I am probably not expressing myself very well here, sorry. I asked about him being intimidated by you because you are clearly a formidable person. You are articulate and very matter of fact. Do your personalities clash?
Could he be upset about something else and sex is what he has to hold back from you?
I can't see how a man would be involved with a woman let alone marry and have a child with her if he felt intimidated by her unless her personality has changed during the relationshipship.
He is awfully young to be having a testosterone issue unless he has a medical issue affecting his testosterone level, e.g. Obesity, Diabetes, Heart Disease/Vascular Disease. Perhaps he is depressed.
Perhaps he thinks another baby will help you two reconnect?
I am getting the feeling he is afraid to tell you exactly what is going on with him. The reason I say this is because he has given you this and that excuse and has never really stuck to any one particular explaination.
Well, getting him to go to the doctor is a good first step.
He is awfully young to be having a testosterone issue unless he has a medical issue affecting his testosterone level, e.g. Obesity, Diabetes, Heart Disease/Vascular Disease. Perhaps he is depressed.
Perhaps he thinks another baby will help you two reconnect?
I am getting the feeling he is afraid to tell you exactly what is going on with him. The reason I say this is because he has given you this and that excuse and has never really stuck to any one particular explaination.
Well, getting him to go to the doctor is a good first step.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I see what you are saying londres. But I will say that through my husband, I've seen some men who end up with very powerful wives and in the early days, things were more equal. For whatever reason, her career went better, she became more dominating in things and the men kind of shrink. One of my husband's good friends became depressed. He was having financial issues and difficulty in his career so his younger, smart wife (and more power to her) went out and created a position for herself at a major company and after 6 years is now their global IT specialist (MAJOR job). He briefly became a stay at home dad and then went back to work because he felt so demasculanized. He struggles with a bit of role reversal and is insecure and it makes him less of a nice husband. I only know this from his talking to my husband. he's in therapy about this issue.
I have no idea if this is going on but in this day and age, traditional roles are less so and 'some' men have a hard time with that for some reason. Lots of men love it and appreciate it but others want to be the powerhouse of the relationship.
So, I was just inquiring if anything like that could be going on with this couple. ??? Have no idea. But have seen for some couples the dynamics of what was great during dating become less so once married and picturing the situation 'for life'.
I have no idea if this is going on but in this day and age, traditional roles are less so and 'some' men have a hard time with that for some reason. Lots of men love it and appreciate it but others want to be the powerhouse of the relationship.
So, I was just inquiring if anything like that could be going on with this couple. ??? Have no idea. But have seen for some couples the dynamics of what was great during dating become less so once married and picturing the situation 'for life'.
SM,
Definitely get what you are trying to say. Totally agree. I can see how a change in the dynamics of a relationship could cause this sort of issue.
Definitely get what you are trying to say. Totally agree. I can see how a change in the dynamics of a relationship could cause this sort of issue.
Thank you to all that have replied. Sorry, work has kept me busy and I have only just now had a chance to check back. I am going to try and answers all the questions that were asked. Again, thank you!
I was the breadwinner for years, its only until this year that he has made some advances in his career and is now management. We now make basically the same income. He may make slightly more.
After reading the initial comment asking if I intimidate him. I asked him and he said no.
I myself have questioned if he deliberately holds back sex because he knows it is something I want. Like a game he is playing. He of course denies it. I have asked if maybe he is doing it subconsciously, without realizing it, suggesting that maybe he resents me. He says No way.
*** Some background on that.... I am definitely the responsible one. I make the financial decisions. One might say, "I where the pants". His own mother has told me that she thinks he has transferred his "authority figure" persona from her to me. ***** That is why I suggest that he might possibly resent me. Example, if unchecked, he could easily get himself in trouble at a bar, spending way too much.
I am a person that takes control, he is a person that is very comfortable letting someone else take control (that dynamic works well for us). I must add that, although I am someone who takes control, I very much wish I could count on him to handle things and trust that he would be successful. It is also a turn on for me, to let my guard down and let someone else be in control in the bedroom. I crave that!
Personality change? I do not believe that my personality has changed. I think I would be better described as evolved into what is necessary for a full time working Mom in her 30's. When we met, I had just turned 21.
Another baby? Yes! This is so crazy. This all started because friends of ours have all moved onto babies 2,3... His exact words were, "I saw you holding so and so's baby and it made me want another one." He's very unrealistic about it though. He doesn't think it through. Another baby involves needing a bigger house, figuring out child care and many many expenses. His response to that is we will figure it out. C'mon, really??
He is Obese. However, he lost a ton of weight a few years ago and that changed nothing. He has now gained some of that back. Not all, but some. Through all of it, I am still immensely attracted to him.
I had another talk with him recently about my unhappiness with our sex life and he admitted to being selfish. He explained that he is satisfied, and it just doesn't occur to him that maybe I am not. (Even with me bringing it up routinely).
He also claims to not pick up on subtle hints, flirts. A suggestive comment from me apparently goes right by him with out realizing what I am getting at. He actually said to me that he isn't good at flirting. I am sure to remind him that he was very good at it while dating.
Example. I was in bed, he was in another room. I sent him a text saying "I want this" and I added an emoji with its tongue out. He came right in and we did the deed. After he told me that that was perfect, he knew exactly what that meant and it excited him.
MD appt is in a few weeks. I know he is dreading talking about this with the Dr.
I think I answered everything. Thanks again!!
I was the breadwinner for years, its only until this year that he has made some advances in his career and is now management. We now make basically the same income. He may make slightly more.
After reading the initial comment asking if I intimidate him. I asked him and he said no.
I myself have questioned if he deliberately holds back sex because he knows it is something I want. Like a game he is playing. He of course denies it. I have asked if maybe he is doing it subconsciously, without realizing it, suggesting that maybe he resents me. He says No way.
*** Some background on that.... I am definitely the responsible one. I make the financial decisions. One might say, "I where the pants". His own mother has told me that she thinks he has transferred his "authority figure" persona from her to me. ***** That is why I suggest that he might possibly resent me. Example, if unchecked, he could easily get himself in trouble at a bar, spending way too much.
I am a person that takes control, he is a person that is very comfortable letting someone else take control (that dynamic works well for us). I must add that, although I am someone who takes control, I very much wish I could count on him to handle things and trust that he would be successful. It is also a turn on for me, to let my guard down and let someone else be in control in the bedroom. I crave that!
Personality change? I do not believe that my personality has changed. I think I would be better described as evolved into what is necessary for a full time working Mom in her 30's. When we met, I had just turned 21.
Another baby? Yes! This is so crazy. This all started because friends of ours have all moved onto babies 2,3... His exact words were, "I saw you holding so and so's baby and it made me want another one." He's very unrealistic about it though. He doesn't think it through. Another baby involves needing a bigger house, figuring out child care and many many expenses. His response to that is we will figure it out. C'mon, really??
He is Obese. However, he lost a ton of weight a few years ago and that changed nothing. He has now gained some of that back. Not all, but some. Through all of it, I am still immensely attracted to him.
I had another talk with him recently about my unhappiness with our sex life and he admitted to being selfish. He explained that he is satisfied, and it just doesn't occur to him that maybe I am not. (Even with me bringing it up routinely).
He also claims to not pick up on subtle hints, flirts. A suggestive comment from me apparently goes right by him with out realizing what I am getting at. He actually said to me that he isn't good at flirting. I am sure to remind him that he was very good at it while dating.
Example. I was in bed, he was in another room. I sent him a text saying "I want this" and I added an emoji with its tongue out. He came right in and we did the deed. After he told me that that was perfect, he knew exactly what that meant and it excited him.
MD appt is in a few weeks. I know he is dreading talking about this with the Dr.
I think I answered everything. Thanks again!!
The MD appt was yesterday. BP was perfect. He did muster up the courage to mention his "lack of desire" to the Dr. He described it to the Dr as starting in his late 20's through now. The Dr said it is not unusual, as that happens. He mentioned that his issues may be more in his head. Exact words were "You may be stuck in your head. My husband asked about testing for Low T and the Dr sort of discouraged it, stating that most insurances wont cover testosterone replacement. He did write the lab order to test his levels. Hopefully getting blood work done today.
It's a shame when the doctor basically tells him it's all in his head without even having the test results in front of him. Insurance may balk at paying for the replacement therapy, but they do pay for it. There are different types and he may have to find the type insurance WILL pay for, but it should be covered.
Agree with goldenlove. The physician should rule out anything physically wrong before going directly to "it's all in your head." A GP or Family Physician is NO pyschiatrist. This physician sounds like he doesn't want to be bothered thoroughly investigating this. Good he wrote the order for the lab though.
Trying to further understand whats going on with him I asked.
Do you ever get super horny but are afraid to act on it because you think you might not work?
He said "No, my problem is the desire is lacking and one results in the other"
I said
So you have lack of desire out walking around, but what about when I am kissing you or on top of you, touching you? (I reminded him to be honest)
He said,
Honestly.. sometimes, not always.
I said,
I told you to be honest and I am glad that you were, but damn that hurts.
He said
Its that desire and its not you. Something is just missing and that falls on me. (him).
**sigh***
We are getting his lab work done hopefully this weekend.
Do you ever get super horny but are afraid to act on it because you think you might not work?
He said "No, my problem is the desire is lacking and one results in the other"
I said
So you have lack of desire out walking around, but what about when I am kissing you or on top of you, touching you? (I reminded him to be honest)
He said,
Honestly.. sometimes, not always.
I said,
I told you to be honest and I am glad that you were, but damn that hurts.
He said
Its that desire and its not you. Something is just missing and that falls on me. (him).
**sigh***
We are getting his lab work done hopefully this weekend.
Well, wait for the lab work and go from there. At least he is open to getting help.
Truth does hurt, but he loves you enough to tell you...........he has opened up to you.
Truth does hurt, but he loves you enough to tell you...........he has opened up to you.
Thank you. I am trying to focus on the idea of supporting him. Its really tough though. I am struggling with it. I just never imagined sex could be this complicated.
One other thing.. Alcohol helps him a bit. After a few beers, he said he has more interest and more confidence in his erection. Isn't that kind of normal with all guys though? Like "Beer Muscles"?
One other thing.. Alcohol helps him a bit. After a few beers, he said he has more interest and more confidence in his erection. Isn't that kind of normal with all guys though? Like "Beer Muscles"?
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