Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches webcams?

[catorizor]

Hi, My bf lives out of state and I know he watches porn and webcams. I am not sure if he chats live with the girls on webcam, but if he did that would be too far. I don't think he does, I think he just likes to see webcams. I feel lonely a lot and want to ask him more about it, but I am afraid he'll get mad. He likes to have his private life and it is making it kind of hard for me. I want to know if any of you think webcams are worse than porn. I have come to accept the porn, but the webcams are causing my heart to race. I just want to accept it and be ok with it, but it is hard when I just think about it on my own. I would love some feed back on what you think is ok. I know it is not cheating, but it kinda feels like it is. I want to say to him, 'I want to strip for a camera, i'm hot and have a great body, and it's going to waste while you look at other girls strip. would you like it if i stripped for other men?' I don't know what to do, i feel shakey, jittery, i just don't want to mess up a good thing. we laugh, have great and fun conversations, he has had a tremendously positive impact on my life. I just want to accept him and love him for who he is, but i feel so lonely sometimes and just wish he wanted to see me naked more and other girls less. please tell me what he does is ok and why, or tell me why not, please just tell me something. thanks in advance for any feedback

[catorizor]

you are so right, it's just hard to tell that person how you feel if you can't even really say how you feel, it's hard for me express myself somethimes

[catorizor]

i just don't want to control him. I know he wont go further b/c i know him, He doesn't like ppl in general and he's an introvert. he thinks sex is a very personal thing that we share only with each other. I know it can seem like he's being way worse, but that inner voice tells me that he's not cheating, it's wierd, i would think it did, but it's telling me to wait it out and that i don't really know what's going on. it may seem bad, but i've been wrong about a lot of thing in our relationship, and i don't want to shatter his trust again. i shouldn't have snooped.

[mami1323]

In my harshness I was trying to get you to see the light but then was concerned you weren't for real but I do want you to stop listening to your bf who seems to be convincing you that you are inadequate just so he can get away with inappropriate relationship behaviors.

[Judy246]

p.s. Mami meant no harm. She's been with us for quite sometime and she does care or she wouldn't be here. We do care about your feelings, but also be ready to hear truth that you need to put his feelings and concerns aside and start standing up for what is right or wrong. The foundation of a relationship is love, respect, trust and communication, so make sure you tell him how his behavior is causing you to doubt his feelings towards you, respect for the relationship and mistrust. Judy

[catorizor]

i see, i can see how it might seem fake, it's just thoughts come and go so quick with me, and this thing i've realized is something i don't want to forget and even wanted to share with other women who may be confused about who they are. I have gone my whole life caring for others and thinking of them while leaving me aside. i didnt think it mattered, it's just how i was, but i realize it's put me in a place where i don't truly know what i want. i keep thinking about what others might say about me so i acted according to that. what i realized in that short amount of time of listening to myself in my room is that i was using his actions and what he does as a scapegoat to avoid who i truly am. I am not working as hard i could to join him and finish school right, i keep taking the past of least resistance as he says. I found out that i am disappointing myself by creating these problems and ruining our relationship myself. he just wants me to succeed and get out of my parent's control and live my own life, preferably with him. he really is a great guy, but i look for excuses to make myself feel better for not trying as hard as i could and i need to step up and face it. i hope that sounds good, it's hard to get it all out accurately where it's easy to understand

[penswriter]

i have to agree in part with miami. he's definitely manipulating you. i would NEVER stand for my dh (even when we were dating...which was a ldr for 3 years while he was stationed over seas) looking at porn OR webcams. how could you WANT to be okay with him staring at girls on webcam? if he's watching them they're most likely doing the cyber thing which is WAY WAY WAY worse than porn. and in a way...cheating. so good luck with finding yourself through him and accepting his cheating ways. i see this relationship going FAR! (yes that last bit WAS sarcastic.)