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What are the most important things?
What are the most important things to know about your fiance before marriage? I was wondering what you guys thought was most important or what things are most important to discuss or agree on before hand.
very very important is how he deals/copes with stress or disappointments whether related to career, relationships, just lifes ups and downs etc. running away, withdrawal, drinking, pills, drugs, tantrums... warning signs and definitely a picture into the future
Hmm, good question. Discussing how you invision your future family, how you intend to deal with finances and how you view life in general is definitely good. Your values should be compatible, the way you handle them can be discussed.
In addition, if I had to do it again, I would closely think about how he reacts in stressful situations because they will happen once in a while. If it feels like you can both reach a higher level of understanding after each testing period, it is great.
You also want to be sure that you will share responsibilities somewhat equally. At least you should not end up feeling over-burdened with anything on a permanent basis. Some future husbands show early signs of "sneaking out the back door" when the going gets tough. Others plough their way through obstacles without hesitance. Those things can get important during times of sickness, job insecurities and definitely when you have your first kids.
Reliability, communication skills, integrity, honesty, ideas about parenting, religion, what is happiness, where do you see yourselves a few decades down the road, what is considered cheating, would any of you move for a job offer and similar questions are all worth asking. Good that you still have some time to do so.
In addition, if I had to do it again, I would closely think about how he reacts in stressful situations because they will happen once in a while. If it feels like you can both reach a higher level of understanding after each testing period, it is great.
You also want to be sure that you will share responsibilities somewhat equally. At least you should not end up feeling over-burdened with anything on a permanent basis. Some future husbands show early signs of "sneaking out the back door" when the going gets tough. Others plough their way through obstacles without hesitance. Those things can get important during times of sickness, job insecurities and definitely when you have your first kids.
Reliability, communication skills, integrity, honesty, ideas about parenting, religion, what is happiness, where do you see yourselves a few decades down the road, what is considered cheating, would any of you move for a job offer and similar questions are all worth asking. Good that you still have some time to do so.
MrsO~ It is funny that you ask who was "in charge" because when we were little we would always ask my dad first and then he would say I don't know go ask your mom, so then we would ask her and she would say the same thing until we decided for ourselfs and if they didn't like what we chose they would then intervine. Now if we want money we go to my dad and if we want anything else we go to my mom. lol.
I am the saver and he is the spender so I will be in charge of the money, I am now even.
I am the saver and he is the spender so I will be in charge of the money, I am now even.
OH YES, AND THIS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT ONE AFTER READING THE LAST MESSAGE. I VERY MUCH HOPE THAT HE DOESN'T HATE HIS MOTHER. IT'S FATAL.
Even though you are sharing a life there always seems to be one person "in charge" so to speak.
When you grew up who was the "in charge" person - your mother or your father?
Who was that person in his life? Because you're lives will in time start to reflect those patterns. If you expect to be the person running the show and he expects to be the person running the show you'll develop conflicts that will make for a very confrontational marriage.
Who is going to handle the money? does he expect to be in charge of the money or will you expect it? My personal opinion is that the person who is most responsible with money should have charge of it. If your both spenders it will make it difficult to save money for future things.
Just a couple things I've learned the hard way.
When you grew up who was the "in charge" person - your mother or your father?
Who was that person in his life? Because you're lives will in time start to reflect those patterns. If you expect to be the person running the show and he expects to be the person running the show you'll develop conflicts that will make for a very confrontational marriage.
Who is going to handle the money? does he expect to be in charge of the money or will you expect it? My personal opinion is that the person who is most responsible with money should have charge of it. If your both spenders it will make it difficult to save money for future things.
Just a couple things I've learned the hard way.
I think it helps to really listen to your own feelings and respect what comes from the deepest place. i think it is most important to trust yourself. i also think, that if there is any baggage in either your, or you fiance's past, the best time to talk about it and bring it to the light is in the beginning, and before you get married.
All this helped me decide, and know that I had not yet met the man for me to marry, and that if marriage was not good for me it would also not be for them.
All this helped me decide, and know that I had not yet met the man for me to marry, and that if marriage was not good for me it would also not be for them.
I think its important that you both know and agree with how many children you want, how you want to raise them eg. religious believes if any, disipline (like to spank or not to spank stay at home mom or not etc)
Also, talk about and agree where you'll live, how often you will see your families, and where you'll spend christmas/thanksgiving/birthdays etc.
Good Luck, S
Also, talk about and agree where you'll live, how often you will see your families, and where you'll spend christmas/thanksgiving/birthdays etc.
Good Luck, S
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