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Whats going on

So, ive been married for nearly 5 years and they Havnt all been that good, when i first met my wife it was the best thing that ever happened to me, she was the princess i had always dreamed of, a year or so after getting with her, i suffered a nervous breakdown from taking MDMA, and was in a big dark hole of depression and anxiety, she stood by my side all the way, i was in the army at this time, and i obviously was medically discharged, i went for months and months not showing her any attention and i probably made her feel like she wasnt important, no ive been out of the army a year and i finnally got a good job and have been working my hardest to show her im a change person, im not depressed and im getting on with my life again and envolving her in every aspect, about 6 months ago we moved house and things started to get really bad, she wont show any love any more and just isnt interested, in return im trying even harder now to get her love which i beleive is pushing her away even more, we just found out she is pregnant and its hit her like the worst news ever, she wants me one minute and not the baby the next she wants the baby and not me and then she wants both, how can i help her discover what she wants and be the man she wants me to be, im not rich so i cant shower her in gifts, i try to be supportive but it gets thrown back in my face, i agree to splitting up and moving out but she keeps coming back, is this the pregnancy or what im so confised and i dont know how to help her and keep us going strong!!!!!!!
3 Responses
7052037 tn?1389027909
I just want to say thanks for serving.  I was in the army myself.  My advise would be to just be supportive.  Women go through a lot when pregnant.  I will actually let the wonderful women on here give you better advise as some are moms and have gone through this.  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Very true words prizefighter.  Pregnancy is a hormonal time (although DON'T ever say that to a pregnant woman) and sometimes we aren't completely sensible.  Try to ride this out and be supportive and gentle with her.  

Would she be at all available for counseling?

I know it is hard and hope that you can work this out.  sometimes there ends up being no way but I'd give this more time and she may soften.  peace and luck
4851940 tn?1515694593
It may be the hormones playing havoc causing the ups and downs of your wife's mood swings or the worry, anxiety and stress of when the baby comes due to finance worries or other reasons.

You do not need to shower your wife with gifts.  

The other thing, don't talk about moving and leaving - this will add to more stress and anxiety.  

If you wife is in a bad mood and starts to throw things back at you, you can go into another room and leave her alone until she calms down.  You can also reassure her that you do love her and that together you will get through this.  Don't encourage any arguments and talking about leaving.  Or give her a smile a cuddle and a kiss and reassure her everything will be fine.

When she is in a calm mood, ask her if there is anything that is on her mind that is bothering her.

Perhaps you could arrange to have a romantic meal together.  Takeaways are cheaper than going to a restaurant.  Or go for a walk together somewhere.  

In any marriage there are ups and downs.  You still love her.  She keeps coming back, which shows that she still loves you.  Don't give up on what you have.   Work at it.  She was strong for you once, now you need to be strong for her.

I've been married for 41 years and we still love each other - we've had our ups and downs.





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