Hi, and sorry what your going through. Firstly you can have swollen nodes as a sign of herpes but a sore would develop first so i would not be to concerned about this. Most at risk for herpes are in long term mono relationships where one partner is infected and if he did not have any genital sores at the time, your risk for herpes would be close to zero anyway. You can test for herpes at the 8 week mark as a good indicator with a blood test or have the area swabbed.
Since you have a white discharge it would appear you have a yeast infection which could cause the itching and irritations