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Young Lawyer can't quit
The stress from my job is killing me, but I can't quit smoking no matter how hard I try....
I've been smoking since I was twelve, smoking regularly throughout high school, smoking even more college and law school; and kept on smoking during my two years working as a law clerk for the county courthouse, almost two packs a day for the past ten years --- and I just dont know how to quit. My new job as a entry level associate has me so stressed out Im smoking more than ever, but its getting me into trouble at work because Im always needing to take smoke breaks at the office, usually two or three in the morning, another for lunch, and at least another two or three more smoke breaks every the afternoon.
My new boss even recently complained that I always smell overpoweringly like stale cigarettes!! Even though I wear alot of perfume and chew alot of Nicorette Mint gum, its still not enough! Im afraid Chantix would make my anxiety attacks even worse and terrified of the thought of not being able to smoke again. I know thats just the addiction talking, but I dont know what else to do.
I've been smoking since I was twelve, smoking regularly throughout high school, smoking even more college and law school; and kept on smoking during my two years working as a law clerk for the county courthouse, almost two packs a day for the past ten years --- and I just dont know how to quit. My new job as a entry level associate has me so stressed out Im smoking more than ever, but its getting me into trouble at work because Im always needing to take smoke breaks at the office, usually two or three in the morning, another for lunch, and at least another two or three more smoke breaks every the afternoon.
My new boss even recently complained that I always smell overpoweringly like stale cigarettes!! Even though I wear alot of perfume and chew alot of Nicorette Mint gum, its still not enough! Im afraid Chantix would make my anxiety attacks even worse and terrified of the thought of not being able to smoke again. I know thats just the addiction talking, but I dont know what else to do.
Hi Steph, good to see you posting. You don't sound like you're in near the denial you used to be...which is progress. And you're right, this is Really bad what you're doing to yourself. 80 cigs a day is...is...oh dear, makes me sick just reading it. You are not hopeless either. You are just not ready. We will be here when you are.
I don't remember if anyone shared this article with you from whyquit, so here it is. Hugs...
My Cigarette, My Friend?"
How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.
He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.
He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.
Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?
Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.
But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you—like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities—everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.
But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.
Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Joel
I don't remember if anyone shared this article with you from whyquit, so here it is. Hugs...
My Cigarette, My Friend?"
How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.
He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.
He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.
Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?
Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.
But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you—like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities—everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.
But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.
Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
Joel
Almost a year since I posted last, and Im ashamed to say Im smoking more now than before. Like I can't seem to get by on less than three to three and a half packs a day. Its like just can't stop smoking, or wanting to smoke, or needing another cigarette every half hour and I think I've given up on giving up.
Who am I even kidding. When I say "3 packs a day" I really mean, more like AT LEAST "three and a half packs a day". And when I say three and a half packs a day, I should just call it what it is. I opening and smoking nearly all the cigarettes in at least four packs each and every day.
Thats a disturbing way to think about it, but probably fair. The whole 3 pack a day versus 4 pack a day issue became clearer to me when I was talking to a cute guy at the outdoor patio area of a bar, where I was doing what I always do when I go out, and just smoking one cigarette right after the other, until I finished off a pack and opened another. He was a really cute guy but a non-smoker, and just looked in astonishment when I opened the pack and he asked me how much I smoked and gave my usual "oh, like two or three packs a day" kinda lie. He laughed and said, "so you mean three packs a day" and I sheepishly grinned and said "yeah, I guess I should just admit that its more like three and a half packs a day"... when he just said "..and a half?... you can't open just a half a pack now can you, so don't you actually mean you are basically opening and smoking four packs a day of cigarettes?"
I thought about it for a minute, and he was more right than he knew.
"Four packs a day... you smoke Four packs a day...thats what you might as well call it" he said with a sneer. "Its kinda pathetic, but I really just feel sorry for you. But just think about it, unless you smoke exactly half that pack, and not a single cigarette more, then you are really having to open at least four packs almost every single day." I didn't want to admit how right he was, but it was true. I hadn't just been stoping at exactly half of that last pack, right at seventy cigarettes and not a single one more. Id usually smoke one then two then three then four more after that, sometimes five. Seventy five. Seventy five cigarettes a day.
I've been smoking about seventy five cigarettes a day these past several months. Sometimes I go ahead and finish that fourth pack. But I may save that last cigarette of the pack so I can tell myself that I didn't really smoking four packs a day. But its all a lie. Its all just a psychological mind game I play with myself to make myself feel better about all my smoking.
Might as well call a spade a spade. This girl here is apparently the worst kinda of spade, the four pack a day kind who's in denial about her nicotine addiction. And I can already feel it begining to take its toll on my health in a way I hadn't noticed just a few years ago. I find myself wheezing often, coughing at regular intervals, and generally far far shorter of breath than Id like to be. Even walking a flight of stairs can get me winded. I'd like to say that its just because Im out of shape or blame it on the height of my heels, but thats clearly not it. Its clear that its the cigarettes that are doing this to my lungs. But at the same time that I find my breathing shorter and tighter, I also find it easier and easier to keep smoking three and apparently four packs a day. Maybe its just my body needing the nicotine so badly that it will do whatever it takes.
But its so bad, some times I just can't imagine life without my cigarettes. I went on a date with a guy to a movie a few months ago, and I had to leave to take a smoke break four different times during the movie. One of them was during the previews, but the others were during the movie itself. I found myself thinking about wanting a cigarette even more often than that, and trying to contain myself to just stepping out for a quick cigarette or two every half hour or so during the movie. My date was a light smoker, one of those five cigs a day kinda guys, and he just laughed at me. Said it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen, watching me scramble around for cigarettes to suck down. I tried to play it off cool, but I know that I didn't. Guy hasn't called me back since. Maybe he figures Im just a ticking timebomb of lung cancer and better off without me.
So then I find myself alone, and depressed, again. Cigarettes my only friends. Friends that hurt me, rob me, take my breath away one after the other after the other, sixty, seventy, eighty cigarettes a day. It gets me by, while I remain in shame for my addiction and hopeless that it ever gets any better.
Who am I even kidding. When I say "3 packs a day" I really mean, more like AT LEAST "three and a half packs a day". And when I say three and a half packs a day, I should just call it what it is. I opening and smoking nearly all the cigarettes in at least four packs each and every day.
Thats a disturbing way to think about it, but probably fair. The whole 3 pack a day versus 4 pack a day issue became clearer to me when I was talking to a cute guy at the outdoor patio area of a bar, where I was doing what I always do when I go out, and just smoking one cigarette right after the other, until I finished off a pack and opened another. He was a really cute guy but a non-smoker, and just looked in astonishment when I opened the pack and he asked me how much I smoked and gave my usual "oh, like two or three packs a day" kinda lie. He laughed and said, "so you mean three packs a day" and I sheepishly grinned and said "yeah, I guess I should just admit that its more like three and a half packs a day"... when he just said "..and a half?... you can't open just a half a pack now can you, so don't you actually mean you are basically opening and smoking four packs a day of cigarettes?"
I thought about it for a minute, and he was more right than he knew.
"Four packs a day... you smoke Four packs a day...thats what you might as well call it" he said with a sneer. "Its kinda pathetic, but I really just feel sorry for you. But just think about it, unless you smoke exactly half that pack, and not a single cigarette more, then you are really having to open at least four packs almost every single day." I didn't want to admit how right he was, but it was true. I hadn't just been stoping at exactly half of that last pack, right at seventy cigarettes and not a single one more. Id usually smoke one then two then three then four more after that, sometimes five. Seventy five. Seventy five cigarettes a day.
I've been smoking about seventy five cigarettes a day these past several months. Sometimes I go ahead and finish that fourth pack. But I may save that last cigarette of the pack so I can tell myself that I didn't really smoking four packs a day. But its all a lie. Its all just a psychological mind game I play with myself to make myself feel better about all my smoking.
Might as well call a spade a spade. This girl here is apparently the worst kinda of spade, the four pack a day kind who's in denial about her nicotine addiction. And I can already feel it begining to take its toll on my health in a way I hadn't noticed just a few years ago. I find myself wheezing often, coughing at regular intervals, and generally far far shorter of breath than Id like to be. Even walking a flight of stairs can get me winded. I'd like to say that its just because Im out of shape or blame it on the height of my heels, but thats clearly not it. Its clear that its the cigarettes that are doing this to my lungs. But at the same time that I find my breathing shorter and tighter, I also find it easier and easier to keep smoking three and apparently four packs a day. Maybe its just my body needing the nicotine so badly that it will do whatever it takes.
But its so bad, some times I just can't imagine life without my cigarettes. I went on a date with a guy to a movie a few months ago, and I had to leave to take a smoke break four different times during the movie. One of them was during the previews, but the others were during the movie itself. I found myself thinking about wanting a cigarette even more often than that, and trying to contain myself to just stepping out for a quick cigarette or two every half hour or so during the movie. My date was a light smoker, one of those five cigs a day kinda guys, and he just laughed at me. Said it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen, watching me scramble around for cigarettes to suck down. I tried to play it off cool, but I know that I didn't. Guy hasn't called me back since. Maybe he figures Im just a ticking timebomb of lung cancer and better off without me.
So then I find myself alone, and depressed, again. Cigarettes my only friends. Friends that hurt me, rob me, take my breath away one after the other after the other, sixty, seventy, eighty cigarettes a day. It gets me by, while I remain in shame for my addiction and hopeless that it ever gets any better.
I know how you feel, its so hard to keep falling off the wagon and end up smoking again. Ive been smoking for 25 years since I was a teenager, and about a year ago I tried to quit seriously for the first time when I turned 40.
I had an 9 year old daughter who I caught sneaking cigarettes out of my purse more than once and besides just grounding her for doing something I did myself, I knew I had to do something to show her she didn't have to be addicted to cigarettes like I was.
So far thats been a real hit or miss proposition for me, mostly miss. Trying the patch, then smoking anyways. Trying the gum, then smoking anyways after a few days. Trying the ecigarettes, but then falling back on buying another pack again within a few days. It never works and I always come back to my cigarettes.
But whether Im ever successfully quit or not is not the point, the point is that I have tried to quit. And that I am willing to keep trying to quit, even after I keep buying myself pack after pack of cigarettes saying that this will be the last one. If you ever quit trying to quit smoking, thats when hope has been lost.
So don't lose hope! I may have thrown in the towel on my quit efforts for this year, but Im ready to try to quit again with next New Years. You can too! Whether you ever actually successfully quit is totally irrelevant, don't worry about that! Just keep believing and keep trying!
I had an 9 year old daughter who I caught sneaking cigarettes out of my purse more than once and besides just grounding her for doing something I did myself, I knew I had to do something to show her she didn't have to be addicted to cigarettes like I was.
So far thats been a real hit or miss proposition for me, mostly miss. Trying the patch, then smoking anyways. Trying the gum, then smoking anyways after a few days. Trying the ecigarettes, but then falling back on buying another pack again within a few days. It never works and I always come back to my cigarettes.
But whether Im ever successfully quit or not is not the point, the point is that I have tried to quit. And that I am willing to keep trying to quit, even after I keep buying myself pack after pack of cigarettes saying that this will be the last one. If you ever quit trying to quit smoking, thats when hope has been lost.
So don't lose hope! I may have thrown in the towel on my quit efforts for this year, but Im ready to try to quit again with next New Years. You can too! Whether you ever actually successfully quit is totally irrelevant, don't worry about that! Just keep believing and keep trying!
I wish you the best, Stephanie. Maybe someday you will return telling us you quit. Just imagine :)
I am saying a prayer for your health as I type...
I am saying a prayer for your health as I type...
I hope Im alive when Im 40 too Jade59, but I have no hope of making it.
I figure my days are numbered by genetics anyways. My biological father died from pancreatic cancer when he was just 44. He smoked like I do, but it still wasnt lung cancer that got him. That used to seem so old to me, but now being in my thirties, that so young its frightening.
I may try switching to less addictive cigarettes, but honestly nothing gets me what I need like Marlboros. I tried getting by on just two packs of Marlboros for the weekend, and I thought I was practically on a diet. I was having cravings and headaches from the nicotine withdrawal. It was pretty sad really. I eventually caved in and ended up opening that third pack of cigs like the pathetic addict I am.
I figure my days are numbered by genetics anyways. My biological father died from pancreatic cancer when he was just 44. He smoked like I do, but it still wasnt lung cancer that got him. That used to seem so old to me, but now being in my thirties, that so young its frightening.
I may try switching to less addictive cigarettes, but honestly nothing gets me what I need like Marlboros. I tried getting by on just two packs of Marlboros for the weekend, and I thought I was practically on a diet. I was having cravings and headaches from the nicotine withdrawal. It was pretty sad really. I eventually caved in and ended up opening that third pack of cigs like the pathetic addict I am.
Besides cutting down, switch to a less addictive cigarette. Get someone you trust to Hide your ID from yourself. Honestly though a fresher environment might be key i suggest possibly moving. If not possible wait about one month before you pursue cardiovascular exercises. Cig on the occasion gorgeous not after every case or Case study accomplished. After sex or that occasional party.
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