3 year old is out of control!

[ally76]

I dont know what to do with my 3 year old dd anymore.  Shes into everything and driving me crazy.  Every time I do something with the baby she finds trouble.  Shes been clouring on the walls, glue sticking the cat, dumping koolaid packs on the tile......bugger to get that off!  Spayed the whole fridge full of windex and so on and on and on.  I know this is my fault b/c I left  the windex out but I was cleaning and got side tracked.  My 8 year old dd is constantly trying to keep her markers and glue sticks put away but sometimes forgets.  We have tried time outs and she just runs off screaming.. She just got out of her crib finally and is sleeping in a big bed and got rid of her soother.  So we are proud of her for that but now shes on a mission to tear the house up.  Ever time I turn my back she is trying to squeeze the baby, poke her or hurt her in some way.  I cant leave her alone for 2 seconds.  Lately she has been saying "put Alyssa back in your tummy, I dont like her"  I try to spend quality time with her like making Christmas cookies and going to the show, reading books together but nothing works.  I know shes jealous but how do I fix this problem?  Help Im desperate!

[tiredbuthappy]

time-outs can be ineffective for many children. when she does something wrong, make sure she is responsible for fixing the problem. have her wash the lip smacker out of the carpet (obviously you can go back later and finish up with carpet cleaner). if she hurts the baby, tell her she needs to help make her feel better. have her wash the crayon off the walls, tell her there is no more cool-aid for her since she dumped her share. at this age, consequences need to be relevent and logical. and the child needs to be given an opportunity to correct her behavior. if you put her in time out she doesn't think "oh- what i did was wrong, and that is why i am sitting here. i will never do it again." instead, she is probably so busy being p!ssed off at you for putting her there, no lessons are learned. if she throws a toy, have her pick it up. if it's a recurrant problem, that toy gets taken away. if something spills, she should be the one cleaning it.

so let's say she colors on the wall again. call her over and say you have a problem. crayon does not belong on the wall and you are upset because you work so hard to keep the house clean. ask her, "what can we do to solve this problem?" give her a chance to come up with a response. i've actually had some children suggest to me that i put them in time-out. i then ask if that will fix my wall. ultimately they would come up with the solution that they need to clean the wall. give her space and let her do it (try not to give too much attention). when she's finished simply acknowledge her work.

tactics like this help build internal controls. she sees the immediate impact of what she did. putting her in time out isolates her from the problem she created. having her find a way to soothe the baby after she upsets her will help her learn empathy. in addition, giving her a chance to solve some of these problems helps her learn that everyone makes mistakes and we can work to fix some of them. this method has worked with some of the most challenging preschoolers i have worked with.

[ally76]

Thanks for your comments.....funny stories!  LOL!  Shes such a stinker!  Well Im hoping time will heal this little problem we are having.  She just finished smooshing pink lip smackers into our brand new basement carpet.....UGHHHH!!  Gotta love em!

[kjbutcher]

my mom always tells everyone how jealous I was of my brother when he was born.  I was 4.  I destinctly remember absolutely loving my brother and being very jealous of my mother that she got to do everything with the baby.  maybe you could try letting her do more with the baby, like hold her, let her feed the new baby, and maybe ask her to get the diaper and wipes.  let her play little mommy and see if it is your attention she is after or more of a big girl role.  
i remember when my cousin had her second child, i went to watch the two kids and while i was feeding the baby summar dumped a whole bottle of baby oil and then a whole bottle of baby powder over top if it on their mothers bed.  im not sure how she got her out of it.  

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Time will take care of this.  Three year olds are a handful.  Be patient, keep reinforcing your rules and it will smooth out over time.

Make sure to write all this stuff down as in about 6 months you will realize it is terribly funny!

P.S.  I went upstairs because I could hear my ds (then just about 3) laughing hysterically and the dog barking like mad.  He had dumped a bottle of shampoo throughout the upstairs and he and the dog were "skating".  What a mess, but it sure will make a good story to embarrass him with at his wedding.