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Any parents of heroin addicts here?
Hello,
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
Awe sweetie....stay with us ok, well help get you through this.
Right now you know where she is. ..try to rest.
I know your mind is spinning out of control....so many questions....so many emotions.
Tonight were going to think of only you.
My son too had a severe iv heroin addiction, I haven't forgotten all the places he took me, very deep dark places. I had one person that made me go forward, I (we) want to be that to you.
We can't change our addicts, that's their job, your job is to learn how to take care of you now, she'll need you strong for the day that she's ready.
Right now you know excepting calls... writing... contact is only going to crush you more. ..follow those feeling.
Give yourself time, you've been hurt in deep ways. Your daughter also needs to think, maybe even wonder now where you are.
We never give up on our kids, but for our physical and emotional health we sometimes need to give them distance from us so change can happen. It's baby steps for us too.
my son's final time away from me...I was drained. Felt everything you describe. I couldn't force myself to have contact with him...he was in a safe place too. Each time he called his messages got more desperate, more heartbreaking. ...all he needed to know was I hadn't let him go, I couldn't give that to him the final time.
Something changed in both of us, when we had space.
I began to heal and so did he. Hes now a 3 year recovering addict
so honey. ..for you...each day if only for seconds at a time ...force your thoughts to anything/anywhere but on your daughter.
Each day will be a bit more doable than the day before.
Keep busy. ...talk with us. ..write all you feel as often as you need.
"Getting it out" is your first step, Any support is extremely important for you right now, and the more the better.
Let's get you in a better spot first then we'll talk about your daughter, but until that time. ..don't ever believe she can't recover. ...I know many that have.
It so many times comes when it's least expected.
Hugs to you..your not alone
Right now you know where she is. ..try to rest.
I know your mind is spinning out of control....so many questions....so many emotions.
Tonight were going to think of only you.
My son too had a severe iv heroin addiction, I haven't forgotten all the places he took me, very deep dark places. I had one person that made me go forward, I (we) want to be that to you.
We can't change our addicts, that's their job, your job is to learn how to take care of you now, she'll need you strong for the day that she's ready.
Right now you know excepting calls... writing... contact is only going to crush you more. ..follow those feeling.
Give yourself time, you've been hurt in deep ways. Your daughter also needs to think, maybe even wonder now where you are.
We never give up on our kids, but for our physical and emotional health we sometimes need to give them distance from us so change can happen. It's baby steps for us too.
my son's final time away from me...I was drained. Felt everything you describe. I couldn't force myself to have contact with him...he was in a safe place too. Each time he called his messages got more desperate, more heartbreaking. ...all he needed to know was I hadn't let him go, I couldn't give that to him the final time.
Something changed in both of us, when we had space.
I began to heal and so did he. Hes now a 3 year recovering addict
so honey. ..for you...each day if only for seconds at a time ...force your thoughts to anything/anywhere but on your daughter.
Each day will be a bit more doable than the day before.
Keep busy. ...talk with us. ..write all you feel as often as you need.
"Getting it out" is your first step, Any support is extremely important for you right now, and the more the better.
Let's get you in a better spot first then we'll talk about your daughter, but until that time. ..don't ever believe she can't recover. ...I know many that have.
It so many times comes when it's least expected.
Hugs to you..your not alone
My daughter is 20 and a heroin addict.She has died and been revived 2 times. In and out of jail and after 3 years of this kind of life she was put in a court ordered halfway house for 90 days of treatment . I got to have her home Saturday for a few hours on a pass. ( she has been in jail/treatment for 6months) We had a beautiful day of family time, she looked great, healthy and happy for the 1st time in years. Only to get a call on Sunday to find out she and another girl shot up at the rehab place and my daughter ran away. Now she has been put back in jail. I feel so betrayed, helpless and scared. I know I can't take her calls, write her letters ect as I only enable her to manipulate and hurt me again. My heart is so crushed.
Thinking about you, let me know how YOUR doing when you get a chance ?
I think of you so often.
I'm glad you posted but so very sorry it's not with better news.
you've struggled so long
You have given your all and more, there is nothing more you can do, remember that ok ?
you need to work on you now, honey you'll make yourself sick if you don't back away.
We can't make anyone do something they don't want to. I know how much you love your son, in this case loving him out of sight will give him your final push of love, and you time to gain strength.
When the numb hits ( it always does ) is when it's time for you to take care of you.
I know you don't want to see your son lose it all, but you need to let it fall from his own doing.
it will be the hardest thing you do....know your doing this FOR him.
He won't change if you are always there to pick up the peices.
Painful I know...I'm here for you...we all are.
The good shot that your son refers to, i believe is a final last ditch effort of manipulation. It scares us, they hope we back down. In all reality each time they use could be that good shot, it's a deadly game they play
I wish I could tell you something different, but you have to let him find his way with out guilt on your end. He needs to come back to you in a desperate way and wanting with every bit of him change. You will know when that time comes. ..it'll be very different than all the other times
When he hits his lowest low, is when you'll have the chance to truly help him.
give this all your strength one time more....tell him you love him too much to let him do this to him to you to your husband. When he's ready for help your there for him, but until then you need to back out.
over time it will come to this point or worse, you have the opportunity now ...you all need time apart to heal, it is in no way giving up..it's giving hope.
Stay close. ..your in my thoughts
I'm glad you posted but so very sorry it's not with better news.
you've struggled so long
You have given your all and more, there is nothing more you can do, remember that ok ?
you need to work on you now, honey you'll make yourself sick if you don't back away.
We can't make anyone do something they don't want to. I know how much you love your son, in this case loving him out of sight will give him your final push of love, and you time to gain strength.
When the numb hits ( it always does ) is when it's time for you to take care of you.
I know you don't want to see your son lose it all, but you need to let it fall from his own doing.
it will be the hardest thing you do....know your doing this FOR him.
He won't change if you are always there to pick up the peices.
Painful I know...I'm here for you...we all are.
The good shot that your son refers to, i believe is a final last ditch effort of manipulation. It scares us, they hope we back down. In all reality each time they use could be that good shot, it's a deadly game they play
I wish I could tell you something different, but you have to let him find his way with out guilt on your end. He needs to come back to you in a desperate way and wanting with every bit of him change. You will know when that time comes. ..it'll be very different than all the other times
When he hits his lowest low, is when you'll have the chance to truly help him.
give this all your strength one time more....tell him you love him too much to let him do this to him to you to your husband. When he's ready for help your there for him, but until then you need to back out.
over time it will come to this point or worse, you have the opportunity now ...you all need time apart to heal, it is in no way giving up..it's giving hope.
Stay close. ..your in my thoughts
Hi Deb'
I haven't been here in a long time, No strenght all this past months. Trying to help my son with his addiction and no luck, still using. Finally we asked him to leave. He went to work this morning and didn't take anything with him, oit just a matter of days for him to loose his job. He has no car and now no place to stay Hardest thing in my life. I think I'm numb right now and worry what is going to happen. He is on methadone and this morning didn't take his dose I know why. He is going to get more junk. He also told me that he was going to take a good shot. I said is your choice I can't do anything for you anymore. Ohh my God this is horrible. My husband is suffering just as much as me. He is stronger. Our son is destroying our family. We don't do anything anymore because everything revolves around him.
I haven't been here in a long time, No strenght all this past months. Trying to help my son with his addiction and no luck, still using. Finally we asked him to leave. He went to work this morning and didn't take anything with him, oit just a matter of days for him to loose his job. He has no car and now no place to stay Hardest thing in my life. I think I'm numb right now and worry what is going to happen. He is on methadone and this morning didn't take his dose I know why. He is going to get more junk. He also told me that he was going to take a good shot. I said is your choice I can't do anything for you anymore. Ohh my God this is horrible. My husband is suffering just as much as me. He is stronger. Our son is destroying our family. We don't do anything anymore because everything revolves around him.
Hi jaj
First of all your doing the right thing, follow through with the 4th. Is he aware of the pending eviction ? Your in a wicked spot.
My son is a recovering heroin addict. ..he relapsed many times, before he stayed clean. Very few if any get it the first time around.
Don't give up hope, as it seems to come when we last expect it.
If he becomes aggressive breaks things you could call the law to have him removed. Our kids usually don't expect that from us, when they see we mean what we say, some times it makes them rethink, as far as hearing us.
we have to have boundaries and stick with them, and know in our heart were doing it FOR them.
You know you can't change him. .this has to come from him.
Your right in telling him to leave if he continues to use.
most times we need to let them go, to allow them to hit their rock bottom.
nothing about this will be easy, find support for yourself, the rest of the family. ..it's very important for those closest to him to be on the same page, do it as a team.
We're here for you if you need us
First of all your doing the right thing, follow through with the 4th. Is he aware of the pending eviction ? Your in a wicked spot.
My son is a recovering heroin addict. ..he relapsed many times, before he stayed clean. Very few if any get it the first time around.
Don't give up hope, as it seems to come when we last expect it.
If he becomes aggressive breaks things you could call the law to have him removed. Our kids usually don't expect that from us, when they see we mean what we say, some times it makes them rethink, as far as hearing us.
we have to have boundaries and stick with them, and know in our heart were doing it FOR them.
You know you can't change him. .this has to come from him.
Your right in telling him to leave if he continues to use.
most times we need to let them go, to allow them to hit their rock bottom.
nothing about this will be easy, find support for yourself, the rest of the family. ..it's very important for those closest to him to be on the same page, do it as a team.
We're here for you if you need us
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