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Any parents of heroin addicts here?
Hello,
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
My son is an addict. He went to a rehab, Father martins Ashley and was doing great for a short period of time... Was in a halfway house. Got a good job, was excelling at it and then started using and got thrown out of the house. To make a long story short he was fired from the job and he ended up here, in our home using. I filed for an eviction, hearing is August 4th. We locked him out of the house, now he is squatting on our deck. Slept outside last night. Refuses to go to rehab. We have told him if he won't go to rehab, he can't stay here. He hadn't been aggressive, broken anything. How do I get him removed? I don't think the police can remove him at this point. Any suggestions? My heart is broken watching this.
Hi Dolly
So sorry your in this spot, stay with us...we know how overwhelming, confusing and heartbreaking it can be, you don't have to do this alone.
If you suspect heroin, please educate yourself the best you can on heroin addiction. It's a very hard long road, but doable. Don't ever feel there is no hope, because there is.
my son was a severe iv heroin user...he's now 2 1/2 years into his recovery.
I was very ignore to addiction especially heroin...what I found very helpful, but extremely painful, do it at your own pace, was to watch you tube videos of heroin addicts, what I saw, was my son. My first step was no longer denying.
We need to learn to put us first and how fight for our lives too. They can make us very sick.
Learn the signs...some being... pinpoint pupils, extremely tired, to extreme agitation... nodding off mid sentence or in the middle of doing something, weight loss, general unhealthy appearance, slow Interaction.
we as parents tend to enable them in ways we don't believe to be enabling. We love them, many times with heroin addiction, loving them the way we do...only hurts them more.
Only she can change her, as sad as that is to say, nothing you do can make that happen.
great words said here " Support their recovery...not their addiction ". When ever you question what you may or may not be doing for your daughter...ask yourself that question...what am I supporting.
if we keep them in a comfort zone, shelter, food, money, etc. They have no reason to change. I'm sure your familiar with the words Rock Bottom, unfortunately most if not all heroin addicts need to hit that bottom hard to want to change their lives, as parents we need to help guide them in that direction.
You will NEVER abandon your daughter, but you may need to learn how to love her from a distance for awhile.
Making her addiction her own is much easier said than done, but is the beginning of their change.
Find as much support for yourself as you can. It's VERY important family work together. My family knew my son was in big trouble...each one of us tried to "fix" him, we unknowingly allowed his addiction to intensify. Eventually we pulled together. ..we no longer gave him money, a place to live and yes even food. Very hard to say those words. ..even tougher on the heart...we made his addiction his responsibility.
I guess what I would do if in your shoes, I'd start by telling her your suspicions, be ready for nasty words between you and denial on her part( they don't want to be found out ). Offer rehab, which BTW will need to be long term. There are maintenance drugs to help them get and stay clean, even though it is replacing one drug with another... I know our ideal world is a sober child, in the case of heroin most need extra help to kick it, along with what works for them. ..if it's meetings ,out patient rehab, counseling, self help. They need to learn how to live the non addicted life.
My son tried many rehabs, had many jail sentences, what worked for him was the mental health approach.
he did have a suicide attempt that put him in the mental hospital. ..I refused to take responsibility for him on his release. 72 hours fixes nothing...I was afraid. Because of my refusal he was put with a psychiatrist...one on one counseling, started on suboxone...he was held accountable for all his actions.
Allowing your daughter to move in with you unless she is fully committed to recovery ( they will tell you any thing to make you believe ) will only bring greater pain.
There is so much to be said. ..please if you have questions...ask us, we will do our best to guide you.
Your not alone. ..we're here for you.
So sorry your in this spot, stay with us...we know how overwhelming, confusing and heartbreaking it can be, you don't have to do this alone.
If you suspect heroin, please educate yourself the best you can on heroin addiction. It's a very hard long road, but doable. Don't ever feel there is no hope, because there is.
my son was a severe iv heroin user...he's now 2 1/2 years into his recovery.
I was very ignore to addiction especially heroin...what I found very helpful, but extremely painful, do it at your own pace, was to watch you tube videos of heroin addicts, what I saw, was my son. My first step was no longer denying.
We need to learn to put us first and how fight for our lives too. They can make us very sick.
Learn the signs...some being... pinpoint pupils, extremely tired, to extreme agitation... nodding off mid sentence or in the middle of doing something, weight loss, general unhealthy appearance, slow Interaction.
we as parents tend to enable them in ways we don't believe to be enabling. We love them, many times with heroin addiction, loving them the way we do...only hurts them more.
Only she can change her, as sad as that is to say, nothing you do can make that happen.
great words said here " Support their recovery...not their addiction ". When ever you question what you may or may not be doing for your daughter...ask yourself that question...what am I supporting.
if we keep them in a comfort zone, shelter, food, money, etc. They have no reason to change. I'm sure your familiar with the words Rock Bottom, unfortunately most if not all heroin addicts need to hit that bottom hard to want to change their lives, as parents we need to help guide them in that direction.
You will NEVER abandon your daughter, but you may need to learn how to love her from a distance for awhile.
Making her addiction her own is much easier said than done, but is the beginning of their change.
Find as much support for yourself as you can. It's VERY important family work together. My family knew my son was in big trouble...each one of us tried to "fix" him, we unknowingly allowed his addiction to intensify. Eventually we pulled together. ..we no longer gave him money, a place to live and yes even food. Very hard to say those words. ..even tougher on the heart...we made his addiction his responsibility.
I guess what I would do if in your shoes, I'd start by telling her your suspicions, be ready for nasty words between you and denial on her part( they don't want to be found out ). Offer rehab, which BTW will need to be long term. There are maintenance drugs to help them get and stay clean, even though it is replacing one drug with another... I know our ideal world is a sober child, in the case of heroin most need extra help to kick it, along with what works for them. ..if it's meetings ,out patient rehab, counseling, self help. They need to learn how to live the non addicted life.
My son tried many rehabs, had many jail sentences, what worked for him was the mental health approach.
he did have a suicide attempt that put him in the mental hospital. ..I refused to take responsibility for him on his release. 72 hours fixes nothing...I was afraid. Because of my refusal he was put with a psychiatrist...one on one counseling, started on suboxone...he was held accountable for all his actions.
Allowing your daughter to move in with you unless she is fully committed to recovery ( they will tell you any thing to make you believe ) will only bring greater pain.
There is so much to be said. ..please if you have questions...ask us, we will do our best to guide you.
Your not alone. ..we're here for you.
Hi my name is Dolly. My 24 year old daughter will not admit to using Heroin. She was diagnosed with an Inoperable Brain Tumor at 21 and met her current BF at 22. He was a Reformed Addict when she met him.
In the last 12 months she has withdrawn, refuses to go back to her Neurologist, lost 80 lbs. the list goes on & on. I will not allow her to come stay here at my home due to suspicion she and the BF are both using Heroin.
I'm not sure what is appropriate tough love and what is abandonment. This is all new to me. Help!! In the past I exuded tough love with my Sister, who eventually got clean from Crystal Meth. And is 15 years clean. I'm so confused & distraught.
In the last 12 months she has withdrawn, refuses to go back to her Neurologist, lost 80 lbs. the list goes on & on. I will not allow her to come stay here at my home due to suspicion she and the BF are both using Heroin.
I'm not sure what is appropriate tough love and what is abandonment. This is all new to me. Help!! In the past I exuded tough love with my Sister, who eventually got clean from Crystal Meth. And is 15 years clean. I'm so confused & distraught.
Hi susan.
First of all no guilt ok. You had nothing to do with her choice.
We give our all trying to "fix" them, it only destroys us. ..they need to want it, before any change can happen.
In my opinion the mental health route, is the way to go. The underlying cause needs to be found.
My son is a recovering IV heroin addict. ..2 1/2 years clean, I still to this day can't believe I can write that. I thought there was no hope, many rehabs, many jail sentences, many meetings...nothing worked until he had a mental health evaluation, and treated for chemical imbalance.
It didn't come easy, actually far from it.
I needed to let him go after years of giving my all ( I was the last ). When his addiction became his own. ..no one left in his life, he figured out ...on his own. .it wasn't the life he wanted.
Today he still works on his recovery...it will be life long.
Your doing all the right things mom as painful as it is...your giving your daughter a chance.
We enable them in ways we never think of as enabling.
Most times the way we love for our addicts hurt them more.
Be strong sweetie...
Please up date us...your not alone, we're here for you
First of all no guilt ok. You had nothing to do with her choice.
We give our all trying to "fix" them, it only destroys us. ..they need to want it, before any change can happen.
In my opinion the mental health route, is the way to go. The underlying cause needs to be found.
My son is a recovering IV heroin addict. ..2 1/2 years clean, I still to this day can't believe I can write that. I thought there was no hope, many rehabs, many jail sentences, many meetings...nothing worked until he had a mental health evaluation, and treated for chemical imbalance.
It didn't come easy, actually far from it.
I needed to let him go after years of giving my all ( I was the last ). When his addiction became his own. ..no one left in his life, he figured out ...on his own. .it wasn't the life he wanted.
Today he still works on his recovery...it will be life long.
Your doing all the right things mom as painful as it is...your giving your daughter a chance.
We enable them in ways we never think of as enabling.
Most times the way we love for our addicts hurt them more.
Be strong sweetie...
Please up date us...your not alone, we're here for you
I am a mother of two girls Ashley Joy a 27 year old heroin addict and Emily Simone a 19 year old, I just did the Marchman Act on het in Florida where the police pick her up and bring her into a rehab for evaluation for 72 hours. She needs to stay clean and stop prostituting to get her heroin. She has scammed me enough. I feel there they can evaluate her and see if she is bipolar. I also am evicting her because she is still not going to pay rent. I want to cry because there is so much pain involved. I could not warn her because she would run. We never had the bonding when she was born. She had jaundice and the nurses thought she had spinabifida, Thus she was taken from me. We have a hard relationship. I want to be honest and follow the law and she is used to running for heroin and crack. She is killing herself slowly. I am afraid.
You know right from the beginning I myself knew the meetings were more destructive to my son, I went to several with him. All his using buddies were there, most not because they wanted to be, I swear they made arrangements ( the friends ) where to meet after to get high. That was his only contact with them but it was enough. I believe if they're committed and not with peers it might have helped, as that was what I was told. ..but the first time he told me all the meetings did for him was make him want to use, he confirmed my gut feeling.
He still goes to self help meetings when he feels he needs it. Different enviorment, people that are committed not forced to be there all in different stages of recovery....it definitely builds his " I can do it " attitude. I also have to say if he started with self-help I'm not sure that would have been the answer. It seemed to be the right order of the right help to get him there.
Started with psychiatrist, the right meds and one on one counseling then on to self help.
As for it being a disease, I'm also not entirely sure, but I do believe many factors play a part. I believe every one of us are addicted to something in life, good or bad. Some find themselves drawn to drugs just to take the edge off. I will never believe an addict sets out to become an addict. We all want to feel in control of our lives, I believe they go the drug route fully believing they have control, until it's too late.
coping skills ...some of us it comes naturally others need to learn how.
My son never felt normal in life ( undiagnosed adhd, with hyper activity leading to extreme anxiety ) his mind raced. Drugs slowed it. He had no intention of becoming an addict...he just wanted to function.
What else I seem to find in most they have hearts of gold, they know how to give but don't know how to receive. So is it a disease. ..I'm not sure ?
I have learned each addict has to do it their way when it comes to recovery, but the story is the same getting them there.
He still goes to self help meetings when he feels he needs it. Different enviorment, people that are committed not forced to be there all in different stages of recovery....it definitely builds his " I can do it " attitude. I also have to say if he started with self-help I'm not sure that would have been the answer. It seemed to be the right order of the right help to get him there.
Started with psychiatrist, the right meds and one on one counseling then on to self help.
As for it being a disease, I'm also not entirely sure, but I do believe many factors play a part. I believe every one of us are addicted to something in life, good or bad. Some find themselves drawn to drugs just to take the edge off. I will never believe an addict sets out to become an addict. We all want to feel in control of our lives, I believe they go the drug route fully believing they have control, until it's too late.
coping skills ...some of us it comes naturally others need to learn how.
My son never felt normal in life ( undiagnosed adhd, with hyper activity leading to extreme anxiety ) his mind raced. Drugs slowed it. He had no intention of becoming an addict...he just wanted to function.
What else I seem to find in most they have hearts of gold, they know how to give but don't know how to receive. So is it a disease. ..I'm not sure ?
I have learned each addict has to do it their way when it comes to recovery, but the story is the same getting them there.
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