20 days clean and still feeling awkward!!!!! Pleaase Help???

[Norcodude39]

Hello everyone. Im very proud to say I have 20 days clean after about 3 years of abuse from norco 10-325s. I was taking between 15-20 a day. I felt completely horrible for the first week and now I just hate everything. I have no motivation for anything. Im making myself get up and go to work. I do not want anything to do with those Devils ever again. I just really need to hear about people feeling better. Im still not sleeping well and although Im eating much better and taking vitamins I still have anxiety and horrible mood swings. I remembered when I was on pills I could do anything I felt invinsible. I also remember how productive I used to be before the pills working out all the time always lending a hand to whomever and actually careing about my life. I just feel like the partys over and Im 39 now and I dont drink due to alcoholism. I quit drinking 5 years ago and found the pills about 4 years ago and started abusing them about 3 years ago. I was always a go getter type of person. I just feel extremely lazy and have nothing to look forward to anymore. Im once again going for my dream job that I gave up due to an arrest for being drunk. Im being as honest as possible I just dont feel like doing anything. Im making new friends in AA/NA but i just feel so horrible all the time. I was prescribed zoloft 11 years ago and have been taking it ever since no matter what Im wondering if the norcos somehow changed me? What happened to all my energy and enthusiam for life? I have 2 college degrees and work at a pizza place right now just to get by. I honestly dont know what happened to me. Every morning I want to feel great and tackle my day but Im just depressed or something. Trust me I AM NOT thinking about hurting myself or anything at all I just want to feel normal. I feel so alone because I read all these posts and people taking back charge of their lives and doing many new things but all I want to do is go home and sleep. Im totally broke but getting by right now and am just hopeing the old me will return soon. Am I the only one who feels like this? I know I only have 20 days clean but its the longest Ive ever had and thru GOD I am sober today and these last 20 days. Im just waiting for my life to get better and get me motivated again. Any help would be so much appreciated.

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 20 days clean!!  You really are doing great.  What you are feeling is very common, still suxs the big one i know but it is all part of the process.  I found my chiropractor to be a godsend during this time.  He got me all straightened out and the blood was flowing much better.  I felt like had sludge running thru my veins.  That would help also with the headaches.  Focus on the journey, not the destination~~

[Sonrissa]

It DOES get better! I sometimes get those kind of headaches! I put a cool washcloth on the back of my neck and it feels great and helps with the headache!  You have the right attitude! You know you can NOT take just one! You know what it would lead to and I know you do not want to start this all over again! Start working out as soon as possible! You will be amazed at how much that will help with lots of things! I don't work out, but I try to take a good walk every day! Keep getting support at the meetings and here too! And please, if your depression gets worse, talk to your doctor! Hang in there Norcodude! Stay strong, and there is always support here!

[Norcodude39]

Wow you guys are awesome. I know its only been 20 days but I read all these posts and see how people feel so much better in like 10 days. I know Im totally out of shape. I still look ok but I was a bodybuilder and cant wait to get the feeling back of going to the gym. I also know Im 39 and I remember the day I quit working out was the exact day I started abusing pills. They gave me the feeling that I dont need to workout anymore Im feeling awesome!! Well That was 2 years ago. Also did anyone get headaches in the back of their necks? It seems like at the end of my day Im getting these headaches and they dont go away until I sleep. I would alwas pop a few norcos in the past everytime I got them and In minutes I was high and no headache. It baffels my mind how much control they had over me and how I thought I could control them. Im taking my life back now and am scared to death to ever have to go through this again. I dont think I can do this again. I mean I tried and tried and relapsed and relapsed and would get a day or two clean but always went back for energy, a better mood, and just that damn euphoric feeling we all love so much. I do still wish I could only take 1 and be fine but I crossed that bridge many many times and know deep in my heart IM an addict and cant take any. 1 leads to 3, 3 leads to 5 and so on and so on. Its such a nasty rollercoaster ride Im am thankful to GOD everyday that Im clean and not craving them or needing them to function. I just wish I felt better and want to be myself again. I miss who I was. Im depressed because I want that more than anything right now and I just want to lay in bed. I wish this upon no one and hope someone out there will read these posts before its too late. Im hopeing Im helping someone out by posting and being honest because I lied to myself for way to long and this is where it got me. If I could only go back in time. lol. Thank you for responding through this sight AA/NA and GOD we can do and achieve anything!!! Just please tell me it gets better...lol

[Bones216]

Hi norcodude, you are doing great!
Recovery is a day by day marathon not a sprint. Just breathe. We have spent year overmedicating ourselves and we want instant gratification for the short time getting clean. I went through it, just as you are my friend.
It does get better every day. Be patient, the urges still come and go for me at day 48, and thank God I eliminated all of my sources for those evil pills.

Try and stay active. Find something to do, it really helps. Try walking, eating right and push yourself. Those are mind games you are going through currently. Your mind is saying take one pil and you will be more productive, energetic etc.... Don't listen, it to shall pass.
You can and will do this.
Best wishes
Bones

[Bkitty]

Yes!! I know how you feel! Actually,,that is the reason that I continued to use/abuse pills. I couldnt deal with the depression/low motivation, etc. From what I have learned in NA and Aftercare (Im going to simplify it here) is that opiate abuse causes the chemicals in your brain to go haywire. The normal feel good chemicals that your brain produces are serotonin, nor epinehrine, epinephrine. When you start taking opiates your brain quits making these chemicals because the pills produce them. So your brain stops making them and gets lazy. So when you stop the pills your brain cant figure out what to do and it has to learn to produce those chemicals again on its own. Thats why you are feeling like this. It takes time for your brain to start making them again. I was also on an antidepressant for many years and took it along with the pills. I was told that the pills essentially cancel out the antidepressant. So I got no effects from it. I had to be started on a combo of antideppresants and a mood stabilizer to give my brain a boost. Not all members have to do this. This was what was best for me at the time. Im now weaning off them. Also, everything just felt weird without the pills. I had to relearn how to deal with life and it took a while before that became a comfortable natural feeling. It took me close to 30days. You have to keep pushing yourself. Its so hard I know but in time it will become normal and natural again. Hang in there and congrats on 20days!! ((hugs))~Bkitty

[Sonrissa]

Hi Norcodude! First of all congratulations on your 20 days! That is amazing!! I'm sorry you are not feeling great yet! You've just got to give it some more time! You were abusing them for a long time! It does get better! Keep moving forward! I have been clean for 50 something days, and I still have some tough days! I still have some sleep issues! Maybe you should talk to your doctor about the depression! Try getting some exercise, for me that really helped with the fatigue and the mood swings! I wish you all the very best! Don't give up hope, I pray things will turn around for you soon! You are not alone! We are always here with support! Big hug!!