my relapse

[cowboy20022002]

I had blown 6 yrs of being clean I feel so bad that I just feel like that I have let down jen and othe people that was going to help them I just dont know what yo do any more am I too weak to stay clean or what to me I just want to start aging to cover the pain that I feel now. I could use the sport of this community now I feel like I am not right to give any body avice to stay clean I dont know what to do any more

[Kova]

i think we all look for reasons why we use, but lets just face it- life is hard and drugs make it SEEM easier for a while...make all the emotional and physical aches and pains go away for a while, make everything look rosy.  we just have to keep reminding ourselves that drugs produce the ILLUSION of happiness, some sort of glossy substitution for real happiness.  real happiness takes a lot of work to achieve, and we humans all want instant gratification.

keep in mind as well, the only person you can ever truly 'let down" is your SELF.  if you are going to binge or quit, do it for YOU and noone else.  and stop beating yourself up because nothing can be gained by it.  only loving yourself will have positive results!  why is it that we can forgive others much more easily then we can forgive ourselves?  we are all human and we are all learning how to live in this crazy world.

sending you all love and light!

Kova

[cathy5841]

oh NO...pick yourself up and get back to the task at hand.  it is your choice to use or not to use.  you are the only one that can say NO....live one day at a time and TODAY YOU DO NOT HAVE TO USE

[DaisyDo]

You both CAN do it!  God Bless

[vannie3]

I am going thru the same thnig right now.  I lost 12 years of staying clean and have been chasing my drug dreams for 7-8 years now.  One minute I feel like I can do this and the next minute I start shaking and feel like I will never be clean again.  But we did it once.  If we did it once we can do this again. I don't really know why we use at least why I use.  I can't really understand myself.  I know I like, no I love being high.  I know that has to stop.  If I make it thru this chances are I will relapse again some years down the road.  I just hope next time I catch it sooner.  I guess I failed because I got to the point where one pill wouldn't hurt me.  I forgot all I learned about this illness and was right back in it.

I pray you and I will make it thru the next few days and get on the right track.