Day 11 without Opana

[cbrenner]

Last night not so good. I had actually gotten thru the day with only 20 mg oxy and went to church, then came home to a very drunk husband. So drunk, in fact, that he fell out of bed dragging his pillow with him. So, of course, he woke me maybe 30 times trying to take my pillow out from under me. He also woke me maybe 6/7 times begging for a pain pill. I finally gave up and got out of bed, made decaf and came to you guys! I am very disappointed in myself because during the many up times, I was in pain (arthritis) and took a 10 mg oxy. Darn it! I had only taken half for a couple of days and actually slept thru one night without it. Then, Last night, I took a whole one. I feel like I took two steps forward and slid back three! The up side is that I didn't even consider an opana. I do not feel well this morning, sort of upset tummy and a bit shaky. I think I am angry because I figured out how much money my husband spent last month on booze and cigarettes while we are trying to survive on my social security! The amount of money he spent would make a partial payment on a vehicle and I wouldn't have to walk or ride a bus everywhere at my age. So, I am angry but I am NOT going to do anything about it except pray. I feel like I let myself down last night as I was so very tired and he woke me up so many times, I was going nuts and half asleep.Thanks for listening and being here...always. Blessings, Carolyn

[neveragainplease]

Keep seeking, I know where you're at is very tough! Here for you.

[EvolverU]

Hi C.! Sorry to hear about last night but I'm glad you're posting. Slipping up is the nature of 'addiction'/dependency. It's completely understandable - (though certainly unhelpful) - in a 'regular' addict (whatever that is..) - let alone someone facing the stressors you are.

I've got to say, I'm pretty concerned about you being the source for your husbands pain pills. He's an addict (alcohol/now pills) and he needs help. I know he's not in that 'place' yet and that this makes it difficult for you. I mean, it's hard enough for us when someone lives with us that uses our DOC for whatever reason but it's just not doable when someone is demanding your taper drugs off of you. Have you considered the fact that some of his recent bad behavior and hostility might be a subconscious act of sabotage on your kick? Think about it..What happens to his pain pills if you detox and no longer fill that 'scrip?

Your husband must get insurance of his own and get his own prescription. It's just isn't going to work otherwise. What do you think, C?