On a Tail Spin and it's going to end explosively

[bounce84]

Hi Guys

Just wanted to introduce myself. I have spent the last 2 hours on this site reading the posts with tears in my eyes and a note up my nose. I have had 4 hours sleep since 06:00 am on Friday, and it's not 21:20 Monday. I have not eaten anything since Friday morning. I have probably managed to get through around 8 grams in this period as well as about $200 equivalent worth of liquor and a carton of cigarettes.

Things aren't looking so hot at the moment.

[feohmoon]

I can understand exactly where you are coming from...'wanting to be clean but not wanting to get clean'...it is so hard and that is what I love about this site, people here do understand and know how you feel.
It is a hard step to take but now will be the best time to do it.  It is obvious that you want things to be different and you have the desire to rise above this - You can do it.   I am glad that you found this forum, it provides so much support, encouragement and advice as well as giving you an outlet for your feelings.
There are many people here who overcame lengthy addictions to cocaine and I am sure you will get some good advice.  I hope that you decide to get free from the coke and I know that you can do it.
Best of luck and continue posting.
Peace

[ang_811]

yea i totally understand what ur talking about.. i was there.. i was a loss cause for a few years.. i wanted to get clean but it was so much easier to just keep using instead of fighting..but once i got the fight n me to want to get clean my whole life changed for the better. my mind started changing and as more and more days go by it really does get easier on ya. ...i can see ur well aware of where this road is gonna take ya if u continue on this path.. theres only one option here and that is to get clean.. y not start now? get nto some aftercare a na/aa meeting or an addiction counselor. u will get the tools u need there to stay clean... good luck  to ya and keep posting for support

[Dav125]

Its time then..I know exactly what you mean about "wanting but not wanting"..It might be hard to believe but there is life after coke. I was there, and had the hardest time believing things could go back to where they were before coke,,It took awhile but I did find my way back to that place..

So take advantage of the moment. By just being here tells me your ready for change ..We can belp you help yourself here....Help you believe..So why not go for it? Now's a good a time as any :)

[bounce84]

ang, I want to be clean, but I don't want to get clean, if you know what I mean. I know that this is where the process starts but damn it's just easier to carry on doing it and dealing with the problem later if it even exists. Easy to convince yourself that, especially considering the "reward".

I know that I am going to lose everything if I don't put an end to this now.

Dav125 - on the money there.

[Dav125]

Might be time to change that destructive lifestyle. I'm guessing your talking about 8 grams of coke you have gone thru?

[ang_811]

hi and welcome to the forum....reading this brings chills to me bc i remeber having days like that also...not fun at all....r u wanting to get clean?