Addict boyfriend

[Sugardoll34]

Ok my situation is this in the beginning my bf was absolutely the best man ever! He worked , always had his kids , helped with all housework,the model future spouse.six months later he started being very open about taking hydrocodone , I always saw him eat them , I've never been exposed so I didn't think he legitimately had an issue since I only saw him occasionally, a month after that he brought meth in my home, I told him to get it out! Before I knew it life was spinning out of control, he was dealing it, using it , weed, pills, alcohol, patches whatever, lost his job , the kids went back to their mother also an addict , they got taken away placed with grandparents, I lost my house, my car has suffered damage, and it's now been a year and a half later and he cannot hold a job he's living in motels, sheds, with ppl till they boot him out, he doesn't do meth but alcohol for sure, pills I'm questioning. He never has money to do anything fun when he is working always making excuses why we can't do this or that or why his money is gone, he's always getting texts, hold his phone close to him sometimes he sleeps sometimes he doesn't, he swears he isn't doing pills, and I haven't found enough sufficient evidence of rig use , which was his main problem at one point, he had cleaned up his act a little as far as meth induced psychotic episodes, I've threatened leaving and have stayed away for days he calls crying but when I go back it all goes back to the same. I found two pills they were pink pretty sure it was oxy , he had a problem with roxi and fentanyl at one point also, he won't admit to using but it's pretty obvious, he also used my phone to use pill finder to check a pill two days ago, I broke up with him because he said he found the pill in my floor board which is bull, once he said he found one in my purse also bull, I don't take those or any other pills he just knew I caught him, he's a master manipulator, I guess my question is how can use get him to admit it, catching him in act doesn't work he always flips it on you! He is a master liar then looks in you're eyes and says I don't lie to you. I've left him so many times I dint think he buys it , this time he doesn't care, and I'm starting not to either I've tried to get him help he neverggoes back after one session, I'm just looking for any advice I guess , I'm lost , for him, for myself, I'm heart broken, and I miss the kids terribly but they know what they're daddy is and don't really call our want to see us anymore.we were so happy all four if it's why did he do this?

[Jerry198]

Sugar, really ?? you want us to answer if he is using ?? you know the answer .. we all are great people at one point or another and what you found in him is gone for now and what he is currently is a DRUG ADDICT that lies,cheats, steals, or whatever to get what he wants and he will drag you down to nothing if you let him do yourself a favor and save yourself and when you are stable and ready then possibly reach out and try and assit in his recovery.  Just remember RECOVERY not INABLEING or it could be that you get stable and life is good and you just move on and that's life .. just my opinion best wishes.

[Trixie_007]

Oh honey! I want to give you a big hug right now!  First of all, you know deep down what he's doing. He's just hiding it more because he knows you're onto him. I know it will help things for you mentally, but if you wait for him to admit to it or wait for hard evidence in his current state, you're going to waste your life away waiting.

There are many people on here who are living proof that a person can recover from addiction. He may never come to his senses in order to save his relationship with you and his kids, or he very well may do it,  but I know for certain that having you as an emotional safety net - no matter what he does - is not going to motivate him to change. Will he change once he realizes he has to live life without you? I hope so, but if he doesn't, you know that what you're doing right now isn't going to bring him out. You owe yourself better! I can tell by what you'very wrote. So make good of your threats to disconnect from him because no good can come of things the way they are. You've already tried to get him help and stood by him when he turned it away.

On another note, I work in the child welfare field. I can tell his kids are a big part of you  holding out hope. If their dad isn't going to face his demons and be a part of their lives, it doesn't mean you have to fade away. The state can't arrange visits with you because you aren't blood-related to the kids, but if you're missing them, I would reach out to their grandparents and see if they are open to you personally visiting with the kids. I'm not sure of their personality, but most grandparents raising their grandkids are eager for help. If you follow the state's rules and regulations, you could probably get some time with them on your own - Just don't allow them around their dad without permission.

I really wish you the best and hope you find peace in all of this chaos. You deserve better. You know you do. If there's anything I can do for you, feel free to message me. Otherwise, keep us posted. We're here to support you in any way we can!

[jethro733]

In regards to the question you posed, does it really matter if he admits it or not?  

I'm probably not the best at relationship counselling, but as far as that issue goes why does being right matter?  Just do what is right and let the other person continue doing what they're doing if they're showing no interest in rectifying the situation.

Sorry to hear of the situation too, and I hope you can reach a positive resolution.

[Sugardoll34]

Sorry for spelling and grammar errors I was in a hurry!