Addiction

[Moejoerisen]

My 27 year old son is addicted to snorting perks he has been doing a lot more lately and I don't no how to help him.  He has lots of anger towards me says he like he is cause of me I asked my daughter who is 29 she a chriestein and does not party if I did something wrong she said no he uses that to get his own way.  I'm a huge enabler but don't no how to stop when I try he theatens me  he has smashed stuff in my house before   I'm physically emotionally drained don't no what to do anymore    Any help guidance anything would be appreciated

[Moejoerisen]

Thank u.   I cried reading the entire thing.  Addiction is so hard when it's someone u love

[weaver71]

If he was two years old and slapped you in the face, what would you do? There is no age nor reason that is appropriate to be physically abusive to anyone. I can say what I would do to a 2 year old, give him a time out, no toys, no food, no comforts of any kind and make him appreciate what he has, before I would give anything back. It is often when we lose something that we first see the value in it. A husband bends over backward to win over his wife, when she starts packing to leave. I kid realizes how lucky he is to have an Xbox, only after it is taken away for awhile. Addicts are the worst about that, we say that most addicts have to hit bottom, to ask for help. I know I did. The goal with a 2 year old is to help break their ego, rebellion, and lack of respect. If the time out works right, the 2 year old apologizes and asks to be allowed to return to normal life with mom. There is no difference in a 27 year old drug addict and a 2 year old child, if they don't ever come around and ask for forgiveness, then they haven't even learned their lesson. I wish I was there, because I don't tolerate men treating women abusively, not a husband and wife and definitely not a son and mother. That boy needs a wake up call and you are in the position to give it to him, though it will surely hurt in the first stages of tough love.

I know it's hard to cut an addict off, I had to cut my dad off, and he never did ask for help, so he is kind of dead to me. Sad, but better than letting his problems become mine. My wife went so far as to refuse to give me CPR again, the last OD was a real close call, and she just laid there, waiting for me to die as she cried in desperation, refusing to enable me anymore. Well, that all sounds mean and all, but her not helping me is what saved my life. I am not exaggerating, I would be dead, if my wife had kept trying to help me. It feels counterintuitive to give the kind of help an addict needs, we want to do something, but doing nothing what so ever to help them is the best help we can give. Once they ask for help, due to the desperation of having noone to help them stay high, then we can embrace them and give them 1000% support. Until then, if we help an addict, we could be responsible for their death, jail, or insanity.

Seriously, try out Al anon, get to that counselor. I am certain that they will give similar advice to what we are saying and will give you local examples and support to do what you need to in this very difficult process. Never give up, but never try to help an active addict in denial or refusing help, as they simply bring us in to help them self-destruct. This is a life or death situation, so I hope your realize just how important it is to cut him off now, your refusal to help him may just save his life, it may not, but I believe it is the best shot you have at spanking the respect and appreciation back into him.

[Moejoerisen]

Thank u      My son no longer lives with me I have kicked him out about a year ago he lives only 2 blocks away and not in a good environment sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by kicking him out I Derek he had gotten worse     I've been to Na Aron meetings about 5 iyrs ago my son was found real bad at that time and I got strong and he went to his grandpa to get clean 12 hrs away in the forest he did good  I didn't think I would ever have to go there this again and I'm just not strong enough to do this again not by myself.   It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.      

[atthebeach]

Hello and welcome. I am so sorry for what you are going through.  
You are not alone. I have been there. It is heartbreaking.

Addicts are masters at manipulation, blaming, lies and deceit.
You didn't cause his addiction. He has to be responsible for, honest with himself before he will ask for help.
The aggressive, violent behavior is very common while using.

I am glad you realize that you are an enabler. The more we do for them,
The less they do for themselves. There is a fine line between helping and enabling.
I know the tough place you are in. At one point I had to kick out my oldest son and then a few years later my daughter. One of the Hardest things that I have done.

I am glad to hear you are going to church. I would also suggest al-anon.
Tell your son you will support his recovery not his addiction.

If you cant get him to leave you will have to enlist help.
When I kicked my son and daughter out I was called GOD forsaken names.
Things were thrown, they hated me, said they would never talk to me again.

There is always hope. Keep the faith.
My son has been clean  5 years and my daughter for 2 1/2 years.
I am very close with both of them.

Please try to take care of you. I know easier said than done. We get just as sick as they are.
Sending prayers, strength, hope and peace,
Debbie

[spider6]

I would just start calling everywhere...if you don't have family and friends call your doctor...worse case scenario...I'd call the cops and take it from there.  Sorry but...it's better than the alternative nightmare.

[spider6]

Hon, that's why you need outside help...you're too close to him emotionally ....you need someone else to get him out of your house. Don't try on your own. He's not himself and if cornered may react in an uncharacteristic way that may change both your lives forever.  I know how painful this must be.   Have three myself all around the same age.
You need sonmeone there with you for physical support.  

[Moejoerisen]

Thank u.  I've been going to church with my daughter and I called  my EAP for coumcelling from work I no bring a enabler is wrong I watched intervention all the time it's just soooo hard I'm not strong I need to get strong so I can go threes this I no what I have to do but it's hard when my son will create pure hell for me at my house.     He gets very physical      I wish there was something as a parent even for a adult where I could get him admitted    Thank u for the words I think I just need to hear bring a enabler is wrong and there is help for me.  Thank u

[spider6]

Hey friend....you need help.....you can't do this by yourself ...you're not equipped. It's different from when they were babies...used to be all I'd have to do was yell ..."hey, cut it out!" and whatever the prob....solved!   Those days are gone.  

It's not your fault but you cannot enable or you will be helping him self destruct. If you can muster.....get professional involved.  I pray you see this for what it is. .....sending prayers of strength and peace