Rough day..

[Scaredformylife1981]

It's been a rough day. Tough day at work, kids are driving me nuts. I wanted to use so badly. It's been over two weeks since I last used Norco. I'm just feeling like I wanna jump out of my skin. I've been sleeping. I've had good days and bad days. But this is the first time I lost it in front of my kids. I feel terrible. I just want me back, you know?!?!

[Scaredformylife1981]

Lungs not legs..lol

[Scaredformylife1981]

Had a rough night falling asleep. Finally did, woke up feeling pretty much the same. I did talk to my kids about what is going on. They didn't really care, I guess.
I think part of my issue too is that I quit so many things, norco, tramadol and smoking. My chest has been hurting a lot. I think that's my legs getting rid of the gunk. So I am giving myself a break. My nerves are raw..I keep dreaming about running like I used to, and weird dreams too..what a mind f**k...

[spider6]

Sweetie, first off, uber congrats on the (combat)s!  Try not to be so hard on yourself.....you gotta realize that you're still very raw in your recovery and emotions are RIGHT THERE, in your face.  Impossible to ignore on your end but the kids....they're very  resilient, they'll get over it, I promise!   Jesus, I have humongous chunks of time that I can't even bear to think of cuz the guilt of how I was acting then or the thought of how I must have looked to my kids back then...uggghhhhhhaaaccckkkkk!!!  Total F*CKIN LOSER, is how I feel, but I know I'm not really.  I swear to God that not one of my three kids remembers those times the same horrible way I do....they've said that to me so many times....seems they were kind of oblivious.....hmmpht eh?

I just think you're being hyper sensitive to your rawness right now...don't get me wrong, 19days is amazing but still early in the fight.   Give it time.....yikes did I say that?!  Time....f*cking TIME...eventually it will be your friend again. Peace, strength, hope and hugs.

[gnarly_1]

Hi ...recovery is a process you go threw stages first it is like bad flu with anxiety then comes the no sleep for weeks then the mental part come in to play where you craving and just want one more high this is where  most addicts fail the only thing that worked for me was the rooms of N/a...I suggest that you give it a try  you have nothing to loose and everything to gain you can google n/a meeting in your aera it helps to have others that have gone threw what you have one addict helping another is without parell  keep posting for support Gnarly

[Amandag78]

Absolutely have to agree.
We ARE aloud to yell at our kids if they are misbehaving etc. because we are the parents.
Its normal to tell them off and if they dont have discipline and rules, they think they have the rule of the house.
Sometimes i feel like leaving my kids at the shop, because this is where they run a total muck and get out of control.
It took me a long time to realise i needed to be their mother, not their best friend.
I do not know one parent out there who doesnt get frustrated with their kids, they know exactly what buttons to press. Children can manipulate us like no one else.
Sometimes if they get me so mad, i walk outside and have a smoke till i feel i have it together again.
Your doing so well, hang in there, congratulations on being over 2 weeks clean. : )

[motye51]

One thing I have learned from n/a is that we have to learn to live life on "life's terms" and honestly, my worst day today still doesn't even compare to when I was using!  And you know what, I have 4 kids and sometimes, they just get on my freakin nerves and I yell at them?  No big deal!  We are parent's not God!  I think it's pretty normal.  Wether using or not???  Just hold tight (when you feel like exploding), breathe and remember, this is just life and I will get through it.  Best of luck (I hate that word cause what we're doing is not luck, it's determination) and moving forward always!  Forward motion ONLY!

[ROSYouralright]

Hang in there.. Its a normal part of the process! Your FEELING again.. Your doing great! Be patient with yourself!

[Scaredformylife1981]

I did talk to my kids about it. I have three teen/Tweens  and a preschooler. It's hard to let ppl in because us "addicts" are ashamed of themselves and what they've become. I'm trying my best..

[sadcc]

I'm not a addict so I don't know all your going through but as a spouse of a addict please talk to them about it. Sometimes all I want is for my husband to talk to me. Keeping things inside just leads to a bigger blow up. I have 2 kids as well so I know how they can drive ya crazy but try to remember they are just kids. Think of those kids before you make a bad decision. You don't have to be a perfect parent or spouse I guarantee they just want you....the sober you

I hope this helps a little:)

[jugglin]

Yep...I get it.  And to be honest, I still have those days...my kids wonder, what up?  I lost it with them when I was using and running low, but I lose it with them now as well cuz I'm not numbing and tuning them out.  I am present with them and guess what?  There are days they get on my very last nerve.  This actually makes us pretty normal.:)  You will get there...be patient.  I takes time.  Forgive yourself.  Keep moving forward as you are doing it...you are getting sober for you and for them.  You are doing AWESOME!