Aa
Help please
18 years ago I had a car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit my car . Started out taking Vicodin now I am taking Norco 10 325 anywhere from 12 to 16 a day. Trying to stop on my own and it's rough. I need help getting through this. I'm ready to cash in this prescription that I have in my purse. I don't want to I am so tired. Yesterday I took five today so far I've had two of the norco. I just need words of encouragement and suggestions on how to handle the withdrawal. Basically my life is on hold I can't do anything, clean my house ,I don't feel like going grocery shopping , I'm tired!!!!!!!! I can't get out of bed to even go work out. please just send me some encouraging words to keep me going . Or suggestions on how to deal with withdrawal. thank you
I'll have to look it up, being the word addiction was officially added to the DSM, it may have changed. I believe the requirement for true diagnosis for addiction is 3 or more of the above listed symptoms. For example, you say you used them for emotional pain, that is one. I never craved since detox either, so my doctor questions if I am an addict or was treating my bipolar all these years. I don't know, don't care, maybe I am doing addiction prevention, if I'm not an addict. I think I am. If I took pills for a few days, I would crave them when they were gone, I know that.
Nikcol, you are doing great. If you make it through the whole day without using, you did the single most important things you could. I had to remind myself of that. I would feel bad about not getting this or that done, or just laying there all day, but I didn't need to do anything but not use. As time passes, it will be easier. Are you taking any nutrients or getting regular exercise? Do you have hobbies or things you could do to pass the time?
Nikcol, you are doing great. If you make it through the whole day without using, you did the single most important things you could. I had to remind myself of that. I would feel bad about not getting this or that done, or just laying there all day, but I didn't need to do anything but not use. As time passes, it will be easier. Are you taking any nutrients or getting regular exercise? Do you have hobbies or things you could do to pass the time?
Yep. Each day you will see small improvements. Just focus on one moment at a time and try not to overwhelm yourself with 'shoulds' and 'ought tos'
You got this.
Keep it up.
Lu
You got this.
Keep it up.
Lu
Hey Nikcol47, right now you are better than yesterday. Great strides, don't move backwards. Keep it up. Every second you are moving forward. Keep it up.
I want to thank everyone for their continued support. Yesterday and last night was rough. The last couple of days of been in bed I know today I need to make an attempt to get up clean the house cook dinner but I just don't feel like it. I'm about to get up any breakfast and hopefully that will help a little. Trying to move full speed. God's Grace will see me through.
As usual- BANG ON MAN!
I was prescribed opiates for legitimate chronic pain and illness. Many surgeries later my tolerance grew and grew. Then I started making bad decisions- I rushed into a marriage to a man who was an alcoholic and coke head and soon after our wedding he began to abuse me emotionally and sexually. I escaped in that pill bottle. I still never ran out early, just found ways to justify my need for more- I was post-op, I got pneumonia, I got a pelvic infection etc etc.
I came to this site when I decided to C/T because I didn't feel the drugs were helping my pain anymore- in fact, I suspected they were making it worse. I'd had surgery that had fixed one serious issue and my other illnesses were in remission. But I didn't feel like me. I didn't recognize myself and my soul was dying and I was very depressed.
When I read the stories on here I decided I WAS an addict. I'd used my meds to fill and numb an emotional void caused by trauma and abuse. So I started working recovery. I did so much therapy and group work that I built myself into a strong fortress of compassion and new found wisdom.
I NEVER craved a pill after that detox. Not once. Ever. So the mental struggle is hard for me to understand (unless I relate it to my addiction to cigarettes- then I totally get it)
When I wrecked my knee last year and was forced to take pain meds post op I totally panicked and almost refused until I realized that puking from pain is not really healthy and I relented. I took two doses a day for 4 weeks and then stopped. No withdrawal, no cravings, nothing.
Then 7 months ago my chronic extremely painful illness returned- I held out for 4 months without pain meds. I took handfuls of tylenol and advil until my Crohn's started to flare (NSAIDS are a no no for Crohn's) So finally I relented and came up with a plan with my doctor, my family, my support group and my partner. I signed an opiate contract and get my meds dispensed in exact doses once a month while I wait for yet another surgery to fix my problem.
My mental struggle comes in the fear that I will end up trying to numb my emotional pain that comes from the trauma of dealing with chronic illness. So I have a plan.
It's hard for me. When I speak at meetings I sometimes get told I'm not really an addict.
I don't question it though. There are many stages of addiction and different kinds of addicts.
I am always aware of the slippery slope that I am on and I maintain my footing with honest and open communication, a solid plan, and extra support in place.
I don't need to label myself. I am a human being who has struggled and lost herself to drugs and who has no desire to ever walk that path again.
So I move forward.
At the end of the day it is really about self love. About being able to look in the mirror and recognize yourself. About allowing yourself to feel and processing those feelings without isolating or shutting down.
So I guess our definitions are similar- but with a twist.
I love this forum and everyone on it.
May all your journeys lead you to your most authentic self.
Lu
I was prescribed opiates for legitimate chronic pain and illness. Many surgeries later my tolerance grew and grew. Then I started making bad decisions- I rushed into a marriage to a man who was an alcoholic and coke head and soon after our wedding he began to abuse me emotionally and sexually. I escaped in that pill bottle. I still never ran out early, just found ways to justify my need for more- I was post-op, I got pneumonia, I got a pelvic infection etc etc.
I came to this site when I decided to C/T because I didn't feel the drugs were helping my pain anymore- in fact, I suspected they were making it worse. I'd had surgery that had fixed one serious issue and my other illnesses were in remission. But I didn't feel like me. I didn't recognize myself and my soul was dying and I was very depressed.
When I read the stories on here I decided I WAS an addict. I'd used my meds to fill and numb an emotional void caused by trauma and abuse. So I started working recovery. I did so much therapy and group work that I built myself into a strong fortress of compassion and new found wisdom.
I NEVER craved a pill after that detox. Not once. Ever. So the mental struggle is hard for me to understand (unless I relate it to my addiction to cigarettes- then I totally get it)
When I wrecked my knee last year and was forced to take pain meds post op I totally panicked and almost refused until I realized that puking from pain is not really healthy and I relented. I took two doses a day for 4 weeks and then stopped. No withdrawal, no cravings, nothing.
Then 7 months ago my chronic extremely painful illness returned- I held out for 4 months without pain meds. I took handfuls of tylenol and advil until my Crohn's started to flare (NSAIDS are a no no for Crohn's) So finally I relented and came up with a plan with my doctor, my family, my support group and my partner. I signed an opiate contract and get my meds dispensed in exact doses once a month while I wait for yet another surgery to fix my problem.
My mental struggle comes in the fear that I will end up trying to numb my emotional pain that comes from the trauma of dealing with chronic illness. So I have a plan.
It's hard for me. When I speak at meetings I sometimes get told I'm not really an addict.
I don't question it though. There are many stages of addiction and different kinds of addicts.
I am always aware of the slippery slope that I am on and I maintain my footing with honest and open communication, a solid plan, and extra support in place.
I don't need to label myself. I am a human being who has struggled and lost herself to drugs and who has no desire to ever walk that path again.
So I move forward.
At the end of the day it is really about self love. About being able to look in the mirror and recognize yourself. About allowing yourself to feel and processing those feelings without isolating or shutting down.
So I guess our definitions are similar- but with a twist.
I love this forum and everyone on it.
May all your journeys lead you to your most authentic self.
Lu
An addict craves their drug of choice. They are obsessively thinking about drugs, his much they have, how long they will last and where and when to get more. They continue to use with disregard to obvious consequences. Drugs effect their relationships and work. Addicts have tolerance,and physical dependence, requiring more and more of the drug to create the same effect.
Abusers are weekend warriors that use drugs for entertainment rather than their intended or prescribed use. Abusers take drugs on an irregular basis, no real routine around drugs, just partying.
Dependent people have tolerance, but they take them as prescribed. They don't ever run out early, they know when and where the next batch is coming from, the pharmacy, from one doctor. When a dependent person detoxes upon doctors orders, it is like a flu for them, they don't crave the drug to make the sick stop. A dependent person will detox and not think about those drugs again, unless a medical situation and doctor were the reason. Often times a patient will leave the hospital after a morphine drip for a couple weeks. They think they picked up a flu in the hospital and don't even know an oliate woukd instantly make them feel better. I am thinking of seeing that 25 years ago in Texas, not sure if that still happens.
That's my take on the addict/dependent difference.
Abusers are weekend warriors that use drugs for entertainment rather than their intended or prescribed use. Abusers take drugs on an irregular basis, no real routine around drugs, just partying.
Dependent people have tolerance, but they take them as prescribed. They don't ever run out early, they know when and where the next batch is coming from, the pharmacy, from one doctor. When a dependent person detoxes upon doctors orders, it is like a flu for them, they don't crave the drug to make the sick stop. A dependent person will detox and not think about those drugs again, unless a medical situation and doctor were the reason. Often times a patient will leave the hospital after a morphine drip for a couple weeks. They think they picked up a flu in the hospital and don't even know an oliate woukd instantly make them feel better. I am thinking of seeing that 25 years ago in Texas, not sure if that still happens.
That's my take on the addict/dependent difference.
Nikcol- the above posts were awesome, I find it helps to reread them and as many as possible at this stage. Don't worry what to label yourself (addict whatever) right now. Point is, theses things are running your life, like they did w/ all of us, and you want out (your words, right?) Also, the amount doesn't matter some take 4 per day, some take 100 pills plus heroin but we've all ended up despising where it got us.
For right now, tell a close pal, go into an AA/NA meeting and ask for help (it's free and that's what they're there for.) You cannot do it alone.
Like everyone above said, your wd's will last maybe 5 to 7 days. Look up the Thomas recipe on here, it will tell you what you need to do. If you are ready to jump, we are hear to walk you thru wd's. I could never taper, most of us can't. Guess what, have you ever read or heard of someone who got pissed at themselves for quitting?
All of us know exactly how you feel and as I just said, I've never met anyone who said "Oh no, why did I go thru withdrawls and am now clean!! That's the worst decision I've ever made!!" You'll never hear that one:)
You seem very aware of what these pills have done and that you don't like where it's gotten you, and that's good. So keep posting and tell us your
next step:)
P.S.- read Weaver's post above again- it was awesome.
For right now, tell a close pal, go into an AA/NA meeting and ask for help (it's free and that's what they're there for.) You cannot do it alone.
Like everyone above said, your wd's will last maybe 5 to 7 days. Look up the Thomas recipe on here, it will tell you what you need to do. If you are ready to jump, we are hear to walk you thru wd's. I could never taper, most of us can't. Guess what, have you ever read or heard of someone who got pissed at themselves for quitting?
All of us know exactly how you feel and as I just said, I've never met anyone who said "Oh no, why did I go thru withdrawls and am now clean!! That's the worst decision I've ever made!!" You'll never hear that one:)
You seem very aware of what these pills have done and that you don't like where it's gotten you, and that's good. So keep posting and tell us your
next step:)
P.S.- read Weaver's post above again- it was awesome.
Thank you so much for your comments I really appreciate it. I would say I'm an addict. But what is the difference of being dependent on then and being an addict? Is it not the same? As far as usage instead of taking one every six hours I would take 3 to 4 every 4 to 6 hours. No bad consequences. Every 4 to 6 hours I think about taking because my body/head tells me it's about that time and also when I'm running low on my prescription I think about it. This addiction has taken over my life. The hard part for me I know it's going to be figuring out how I'm going to live without my friend. I have back/ knee pain. my emotional pain.. Thanks so much for the encouragement.......... Please keep it coming
What a great comment, really inspiring, I wasn't an addict just very dependent, and afraid of becoming an addict, very easy, it's only a fine line that separates. But my pain is not nearly as bad without them as I thought they would be. I started vitamins before I stopped, doing Zumba, I tried to set myself up to succeed not fail!!! So far so awesome!!!! Wished I had done this 5 years ago after my surgery!!! The thing that scares me most is I lost my mom in 2009 while I was taking the pain pills, that's how I I juried my back was lifting her, afraid I numbed myself, not just from back pain. But after care and maybe some therapy will help me thur that!!!! Thanks and God bless!!
I can only echo the words of wisdom by my comrades above (Weaver, I couldn't have said it better myself)
And give you my support.
I jumped off a much higher dose than you in December 2011 and it was THE BEST THING I EVER DID!!!
I surrendered completely to the process and had a good plan, total family and medical support, and a great attitude. I was at bottom. I realized that if I continued on for one more day I would die- maybe not literally die, but my soul was dying.
It was a week of horror physically but it was also an amazing spiritual experience for me because I felt myself returning. Each day the drugs left my system I saw a glimpse of the woman I once was. Now, 3 years later I am the woman I always wanted to be. I gave myself this gift, and YOU can too. Yes my life is hard still (though never as hard as it was then)
I still have terrible chronic pain and illness and sometimes (like now) I have to take opiates for short stints pre surgery or in crises. But because I have and do work a very strong recovery program, I am able to use and not abuse.
I love myself unconditionally- something I had never done before.
I will share a little something that helped me immensely. I kept a journal and every day I would wake up (if I slept that is (:) And I would vent my fears, frustrations, sadness, guilt. Then at the end I would write.
I love you Lu.
I am doing this
I am doing this
I am doing this
And before I knew it, I'd done it.
Life is beautiful and so are you.
GIve yourself a chance, you will NEVER regret it.
I am rooting for you...
Lu
And give you my support.
I jumped off a much higher dose than you in December 2011 and it was THE BEST THING I EVER DID!!!
I surrendered completely to the process and had a good plan, total family and medical support, and a great attitude. I was at bottom. I realized that if I continued on for one more day I would die- maybe not literally die, but my soul was dying.
It was a week of horror physically but it was also an amazing spiritual experience for me because I felt myself returning. Each day the drugs left my system I saw a glimpse of the woman I once was. Now, 3 years later I am the woman I always wanted to be. I gave myself this gift, and YOU can too. Yes my life is hard still (though never as hard as it was then)
I still have terrible chronic pain and illness and sometimes (like now) I have to take opiates for short stints pre surgery or in crises. But because I have and do work a very strong recovery program, I am able to use and not abuse.
I love myself unconditionally- something I had never done before.
I will share a little something that helped me immensely. I kept a journal and every day I would wake up (if I slept that is (:) And I would vent my fears, frustrations, sadness, guilt. Then at the end I would write.
I love you Lu.
I am doing this
I am doing this
I am doing this
And before I knew it, I'd done it.
Life is beautiful and so are you.
GIve yourself a chance, you will NEVER regret it.
I am rooting for you...
Lu
Amino acid shakes, cal/mag/zinc, EmergenC drink powder, a good multivitamin, Epsom salt baths and try to keep moving. Take walks, swim, bike, anything to pick your heart rate up a little will help a lot. It isn't easy, but the more you move, the more you will be able to move. Therapy, meetings, church or whatever kind of regular local support you think would inspire you to do the right thing is the biggest help as far as staying clean. It will only be a week of bad symptoms and a couple weeks of fast improvement. Then you get your whole life back, pretty small investment for what you get.
As for encouragement, you can't even imagine how much better life will be off drugs. Notice. I didn't say easy, but better. Life is not easy and never has been for anyone. Millionaires get addicted, so do doctors, lawyers, famous movie stars, business people, this issue has no bias, drugs will take anyone who will take them.
I used opiates for work, at first, but I had to have them all the time eventually. I had so much back pain, I couldn't imagine living without any relief. Well, I actually have less pain now than I did my last couple years on opiates. A symptom of withdrawal is pain, so I realize that the drugs were actually creating more pain than they relieved. It took a long time and lots of exercises and lifestyle changes, but my pain finally is legit pain only, no more opiate induced hyper algesia.
I also find that I am making decisions to better my life. Drugs made me tread water, I never was actually growing or moving forward. I realize now that every decision I made was influenced by drugs and that made me stay in a situation that made me "need" them. Now, my life keeps changing drastically, I feel the progress of my efforts leading me somewhere, I feel more secure and stable as I improve my life. I wish I had changed my life instead of using drugs to be able to go on as usual. At least I have the rest of my life now to fine tune who I am and what I am doing.
Love, love is probably the greatest benefit I have gotten from being clean. I always loved my kids, but I couldn't really feel it like I should. Opiates block our emotional, mental, and spiritual pain as well as physical. Having an anesthetized heart for so many years made me forget about how real joy and love feels. I don't think I cried for many years, but that is part of getting my feelings back. Now I cry and laugh, get angry and excited like I am a real person. That took some serious getting used to, especially feeling pain part, it was even odd to feel my heart open up and feel love and loved. I really needed therapy for some of that part. It really is nice to have a heart again.
Friends have come into my life that I would t have met without my addiction . I am thankful for my addiction now, it really pushed me to be my very best and has hooked me up with lots of folks who are doing the same. My relationships are so much more real and fulfilling than they were on drugs. I had no way of seeing my life clearly before.
You can do this and I could write volumes on all the benefits. You are doing great by taking less, that helps with the severity of withdrawal. If you are otherwise healthy, opiate detox cannot kill you. It is only a couple week investment to physically detox, the mental part takes longer, but that can be fun if you get out there and hit meetings, church, therapy, and anything else you can do to have local support and accountability.
The bottom line, no matter how bad it feels, it is totally worth it. I am curious if you think you are an addict or only dependent. Do you take extra, has using effected your work or life, have there been any bad consequences, do you think about drugs a lot? I am just curious, because you expressed why you were first taking them, but I am not sure if the pain is still an issue.
Well, I am glad you are here reaching out and are ready to quit, that step takes the longest. Keep asking questions and keep us posted on your progress, you are starting what will be the best part of your life right now. I'm sure it feels rotten, but like child birth, the pain will turn to joy and the pain will no longer even matter.
As for encouragement, you can't even imagine how much better life will be off drugs. Notice. I didn't say easy, but better. Life is not easy and never has been for anyone. Millionaires get addicted, so do doctors, lawyers, famous movie stars, business people, this issue has no bias, drugs will take anyone who will take them.
I used opiates for work, at first, but I had to have them all the time eventually. I had so much back pain, I couldn't imagine living without any relief. Well, I actually have less pain now than I did my last couple years on opiates. A symptom of withdrawal is pain, so I realize that the drugs were actually creating more pain than they relieved. It took a long time and lots of exercises and lifestyle changes, but my pain finally is legit pain only, no more opiate induced hyper algesia.
I also find that I am making decisions to better my life. Drugs made me tread water, I never was actually growing or moving forward. I realize now that every decision I made was influenced by drugs and that made me stay in a situation that made me "need" them. Now, my life keeps changing drastically, I feel the progress of my efforts leading me somewhere, I feel more secure and stable as I improve my life. I wish I had changed my life instead of using drugs to be able to go on as usual. At least I have the rest of my life now to fine tune who I am and what I am doing.
Love, love is probably the greatest benefit I have gotten from being clean. I always loved my kids, but I couldn't really feel it like I should. Opiates block our emotional, mental, and spiritual pain as well as physical. Having an anesthetized heart for so many years made me forget about how real joy and love feels. I don't think I cried for many years, but that is part of getting my feelings back. Now I cry and laugh, get angry and excited like I am a real person. That took some serious getting used to, especially feeling pain part, it was even odd to feel my heart open up and feel love and loved. I really needed therapy for some of that part. It really is nice to have a heart again.
Friends have come into my life that I would t have met without my addiction . I am thankful for my addiction now, it really pushed me to be my very best and has hooked me up with lots of folks who are doing the same. My relationships are so much more real and fulfilling than they were on drugs. I had no way of seeing my life clearly before.
You can do this and I could write volumes on all the benefits. You are doing great by taking less, that helps with the severity of withdrawal. If you are otherwise healthy, opiate detox cannot kill you. It is only a couple week investment to physically detox, the mental part takes longer, but that can be fun if you get out there and hit meetings, church, therapy, and anything else you can do to have local support and accountability.
The bottom line, no matter how bad it feels, it is totally worth it. I am curious if you think you are an addict or only dependent. Do you take extra, has using effected your work or life, have there been any bad consequences, do you think about drugs a lot? I am just curious, because you expressed why you were first taking them, but I am not sure if the pain is still an issue.
Well, I am glad you are here reaching out and are ready to quit, that step takes the longest. Keep asking questions and keep us posted on your progress, you are starting what will be the best part of your life right now. I'm sure it feels rotten, but like child birth, the pain will turn to joy and the pain will no longer even matter.
I am about to end my 4th day, and I was like you scared, you are taking more than me, but it's sooo doable, 1st 3 days *****, but after that it gets so much better. You're taking so many, I think I would taper some, but you can't taper on your own, or I couldn't, I thought my pain was too bad, I had to have them!!! Give to someone you trust, and taper slowly and then go cold turkey, but take time off, and some do the Thomas recipes, I didn't, I took Advil, Tylenol, hylands restful legs, and muscle relaxer 3 times a day, the 1st 3 days today it's only been Advil and Tylenol, oh and if stomach gets to bad amodium , Epsom salt baths are life sent. I feel so good right now, haven't had a pain pill since sat at 4:48 pm!!! I can't say that since 2008, wow!!!!! Keep reading on here these folks can help a lot, I'm just a beginner, by the grace of God, I will be free of the pills!!!!
I too used Norco, taking about 10 a day. That run lasted for over two years. Before that - for 13 years - I used anything I could get ahold of. So, we're fairly similar.
Your post is like so many - people tired of their addiction controlling their lives and saying that they want to stop, BUT, do they really want to get clean?
You are the only one who knows if this is the time. No one else can make that determination; we can offer support and advice, but if you're not ready, you won't quit.
So, IF you are truly ready, then the very first thing you need to do is tear up the script. Tell your doctor that you are an addict, or at least an abuser. Be sure that the pharmacy is contacted. Also, you need to tell your secret; spouse, trusted family member, etc. You need to put a support system in place. And finally, you need to get aftercare - NA meetings.
I have to be honest - you're detox won't be fun, at least mine wasn't. But the good news is, it only lasts for a few days.
You are at the beginning of a long journey, but I promise you, life clean is worth the fight, and is wonderful.
Keep posting.
K
Your post is like so many - people tired of their addiction controlling their lives and saying that they want to stop, BUT, do they really want to get clean?
You are the only one who knows if this is the time. No one else can make that determination; we can offer support and advice, but if you're not ready, you won't quit.
So, IF you are truly ready, then the very first thing you need to do is tear up the script. Tell your doctor that you are an addict, or at least an abuser. Be sure that the pharmacy is contacted. Also, you need to tell your secret; spouse, trusted family member, etc. You need to put a support system in place. And finally, you need to get aftercare - NA meetings.
I have to be honest - you're detox won't be fun, at least mine wasn't. But the good news is, it only lasts for a few days.
You are at the beginning of a long journey, but I promise you, life clean is worth the fight, and is wonderful.
Keep posting.
K
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