Anyone identify?

[Gettingalifeagain]

Hi everyone....
I used to think that I drank and used because of the environment or the people.  I have since learned that I am an addict no matter what my circumstances are.  I have realized that even the wealthiest celebrity is not happy in themselves and turns to drugs and alcohol.

I can use the sorry excuse of all the awful things that I have done, or of the uncomfortable environment I am living in to use again.  In the book of AA, a story is that back in the war, there were less relapses in the troops than there were back in the US (written in 1935)  This story made me realize that my sobriety is not contingent on my surroundings.

Has anyone else had this discovery?  I'm sure many have....could you share please.  How do you hold on to your sobriety when your outside circumstances could be such an excuse to use again...thank you.

[Gettingalifeagain]

That felt SO good reading your posts.....I wrote this before I went to work, looking forward to reading when I got home, thank you.

I had a good day at the garden centre, then I get home to my elderly parents, and they both want a piece of me at the same time.  My guilt keeps me hopping, then there is nothing left for me.  So, I had always blamed my living situation for my abuse. "I can't handle living like this", "no life of my own"  blah blah blah.  Any sign of dis - ease, I would reach for something.  So today, that is not an option.  Just get through it like normal people do, like Miami said.  
Weaver, you are a power of example...
I really love you guys..you are my extra meeting right when I need it!!

[weaver71]

Addiction never was a physical dependance. I intentionally used different drugs to prevent that, I saw too much heroin and meth withdrawal as a small child. My back pain started at 11 yrs old, scoliosis, I pinched a nerve in my back that crippled me. It wasn't until I had my first kid that I felt obligation to work so much. My pain plus needing to provide started my opiate dependance. I was already an addict, so the opiates took me fast. I was taking street methadone pretty quick. I knew. I would get physically dependent and justified it as necessary for survival. Had I not been a poly drug abuser since 11 yrs of age, I didn't change my life to adjust to my situation, I adjusted my drug use. I never got totally out of control during the harder parts of my life. I had gotten my life pretty well together by the time drugs ruined my life. All this to say, yes, I totally relate to his thread.

[Jinx_777]

i have been in 2 very different situations.
1st-- drank way too much to self medicate through stressful life situations.  of course, drinking only made it worse.  
2nd- i am a chronic pain patient.  daily when medicated i am at best a 6 pain level.  not medicated i am a 8.5 pain level.  but, still decided to stop taking the only medication that has ever worked on my pain.  
i am punishing myself by not taking any pain medication and i know that is not the right thing to do either.  
i know there is a very thin line between addiction and dependence. i have been both.  

[weaver71]

Growing up on a country road with meh labs, rape, gun fights, and having drugs and booze in my house from as early as I can remember played a role in my addiction. Everyone I grew up around showed me by example of how to deal with problems, guns and drugs solved most things. Saw a shot gun blast to a mans chest at 3 yeas old, my first sight of alcohols induced death. I was one of the lucky ones, my dad need best me with a chain or garden hose, like some of my neighbor friends. I fled that scene and went to California, ended up living in my van in LA for my last year of high school. I lived among veterans and prostitutes, crack dealers and murderers, yet none of my a

[miamichick86]

Yes, I do think the same way only it'll be for even the most minor things i'll feel like I have to use it's ridiculous. Like " I have a ton of running around to do tomorow" just thinking about having to do something more then lay around triggers me to want to use. I know that in time this shall pass and that I need to be strong. So imagine when the tough things come around. The temptation is always there it's always in the back of my mind this isn't my 1st rodeo I was clean for 2yrs and I remember even then although not using opiates at all... I remember drinking more then I would have. But that was a product of my surrounding and it's more then likely the reason why I didn't stay clean and went back to opiates. What honestly keeps me going is the hope that everyone one around me doing regular "normal" things like cooking going to the grocery store etc isn't all loaded. Which then makes me think "if they can do it then why can't I ".  

[msdelight]

Well I had 3 major "reasons" why I told myself I was using. Naturally, when I stopped, all the reasons where still there, unchanged by my abuse of percocet. The only thing that it changed was me and my bank account, and not for the better. I realized that it all just got worse while I was ignoring it, especially with my mom. When things get tough, I know that using will not make it go away. It's not a solution, its just another problem!

[beatbutnotbroken]

well for me i can relate because when i was using i was in a good place feeling good the first times i was using and that didnt last very long i lived a horrible life for 8years in my addiction to opiates chasing that feeling every day of my life after a few years my world turned into a battlefield everything i looked at i was in chaos but felt normal to me i couldnt do anything unless i was loaded high and now that i am 8days in and its like i get short bursts of empowerment because for the first time my eyes are able to open up and see that life i was living was horrible more horrible than i feel now (except the head games but i know thats my brain saying wtf are u doing to me) so yea the discovery is been great for me i dont want chaos no more no more dark places in my mind, im looking forward to when i have finally found peace with my self . keep the faith and keep running that road to recovery no matter how long it may take.......im running with you.....