Day 3 and feeling like a bratty todler!

[amers860]

This is a real Mind F***. I don't know what to do w myself. I always have off on Tuesday. Today I wld have contacted a friend for a blueberry AKA 30mil perc. I would have taken it along w my prescribed Lortabs and floated blissfully through my house cleaning it from top to bottom. I don't feel like doing a damn thing w o a buzz. No cleaning, no cooking, no FBing, no decorating for xmass. Nothing is fun w o the high I'm so desperately craving! And I'm pissed off about it! Pissed off at myself and jealous of other ppl who find joy in ANYTHING while being sober! Oh and I also spent the last 20minutes licking blue residue off anything I could find w it on. Jewelry boxes, pill containers, straws, razor blade, plastic baggys! Yeah, I'm a real classy gal!

[amers860]

I was carefull w the razor blade :/ thank u all for letting me *****!

[amers860]

I am married to a police officer too. I can do this. I can. I hope.

[blessdnblind]

Really?? About the sahm's and wives?? Thats crazy!! I would have never thought it!! I seriously felt like a huge loser because here i am, sahm, married to a police officer, great life, dont have to work, in school, but throwing all my days away with pills!! So eye opening to know that!!

[vicki595]

I can relate but careful with the razor blades!  LOL!

This is going to tough for you because of your environment mostly...I can only tell you what I think might help:

Change your mindset.
Change everything about your thinking and routines.
Think of ONE thing that you love to do(aside from the pills)and do it. Once your brain realizes you CAN really do something without a pill, you WILL see/feel the joy in things.
Set some very short term goals.
Make an appt. with your doctor for some help.

We do the best when we get support and help with recovery. Can you try?

[amers860]

Oh, yes I'm trying to quit. I'm not liking it one bit(the quiting). I have had pills everyday since april. Started last Dec. But april started the every day a few a day habit. Now its up to 6 a day to keep me feeling good. But more than that for a high. I;m just miserable. Doubting my decision to dime my self out to pain management. and I know misery is only a text away for me. My town is full of stay home moms and well off  ppl who happily spend everyday high on pills bc it is very socially exceptable.

[littlebit010101]

Oh if i would have had the strength I would have rinsed out 50 more....come smile that's just funny right there..lol..